Kasserian Ingera

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Jersey Girl
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Kasserian Ingera

Post by Jersey Girl »

Kasserian Ingera is the traditional greeting shared between warriors of the Maasi tribe in Africa. In it's translation to the English language it reads,

"And how are the children?"

The Maasi evidently knew the worth of a child and the importance of the well being of their children. If all was well, it meant that the status of their society was healthy and secure as well as the future of their tribe. If you think this makes sense then please tell me how American society makes sense in relation to it's children?

Is the status of our tribe secure? And if I were to ask you, "And how are the children?" What would your answer be today?

We are on the heels of yet another school shooting. The 15 year old shooter used a weapon gifted to him by his own parents and when he was observed searching for ammunition on his cell phone in class the day before the incident, his mother's response was, 'LOL, I'm not mad. You have to learn not to get caught.' The next day, when it was discovered that he had made a drawing with disturbing violent messages and images, and even when the school advised the parents that the student could not return to class until he received mental health services within the next 48 hours, both the school and parents agreed to leave him in school. You know the rest of the story.

Four students dead, 8 wounded, and perhaps a whole student body and their teachers left traumatized. Copycat threats to follow. How did this happen? How could this happen? And why did the school renege on it's directive to the parents?

No doubt there were signs of mental illness present in Ethan's drawings, if nothing else he was disturbed. Even so, what explains the parent's behavior in relation to their own child? They tell him to learn not to get caught? They don't take him home and care for him? They don't immediately attempt to connect him to services? If he had Covid would they have taken him home and would the school have sent him home?

You've heard it said, that it takes village to raise a child. An old proverb believed to have come from Africa. Yes, Africa again. When we repeat old proverbs and other sayings like them, do we really understand what we mean? Do we understand the wisdom behind those ages old proverbs and are we willing to facilitate the societal shift that is needed in order to secure the future of the tribe?

I've posted about this issue as long ago as 2007 on this board. Yes, it's an area of personal passion. I've discussed attachment and bonding. How secure attachments are formed, why they are necessary to the development of a healthy personality, and the consequences of loose or insecure attachment. Simply put, the attachment and bonding process begins at birth. It is the foundation of the formation of a healthy personality. It is the root from which the ability to take on the perspective of another grows, a skill that accompanies the development of empathy. You might call empathy the ability to walk a mile in my moccasins. You might call it the ability to give a damn about yourself and other people. You might even go so far as to call it a conscience. Whatever you call it, it is the ability to experience the world through the eyes of another. The ability to understand the emotions of others and feel them. Some humans have high levels of empathy, some a fair amount, some not as much, some not at all. Those who have no empathy at all are essentially psychopaths or sociopaths or under current terminology, humans who have anti-social personality disorder. People with no conscience.

And child rearing, what has happened to parenting in this country? Surely, most parents are competent and raise up healthy human beings who are able to move about society without offense. Why don't some parents parent appropriately or even adequately? Why do some children appear to not be able to give a damn about their fellow human being? Why do some parents appear not to know how to give a damn about their own child? Why are some children suffering from mental illness not given treatment? Why are some of our children and their families, and our society itself, falling through the cracks?

Where is the village and why has it abandoned raising the children?

I do think that one answer lies in the fact that children who were once raised in multi-generational homes, no longer are. Were multi-generational homes always a positive experience? No. For the first half of my own childhood (out of necessity I divide my childhood into two parts) I was raised in a multi-generational home with a collection of family members some who served as less than stellar examples and some who served as positive role models. I learned from both. I learned to recognize the weak places in human beings. I learned to recognize the responsible and reliable conduct of others. I learned to love them and in the process, I learned something about life and living it cooperatively, and I connected. The majority of my own peers did the same.

In the multi-generational home or in homes where extended family were not far away and accessible, or even in neighborhoods where neighbors formed relationships with other neighbors, more than acceptance, tolerance, understanding and love can happen. Ideally, older members who were in a position to support the care of the youngest members, also served as mentors to parents. Say what you will about old school methods of child rearing but the sense of belonging in that situation was as tangible as your grandmother's embrace or the smile of the neighbor in their yard next door. You can look up Maslow's hierarchy of human needs to learn more about what I am getting at. And by the way, my own grandmother wasn't a hugger so don't get the idea that I was surrounded by warm fuzzies because not all of them were, but still, she took care of me.

I think that some of our children lack a sense of connectedness and a sense of belonging. Some are being raised from 6 weeks of age in institutions under adverse conditions and they are being raised there today. Don't believe me? As a result of the Covid 19 pandemic, the NAEYC (the largest professional organization for early educators in the United States) reports that 4 in 5 childcare centers in the U.S. are currently understaffed.
https://www.naeyc.org/about-us/news/pre ... derstaffed.

Make no mistake about it, when programs are understaffed everything and everyone suffers, including and particularly the program's ability to deliver quality care and early education to children. When understaffing is the issue, it automatically renders the environment adverse. I've worked out of ratio a time or two. You don't want that.

What that means to you as a citizen is that children ages 6 weeks and older, in 4 out of 5 programs whose very personalities are forming, are being raised for a significant amount of time by overworked caregivers under adverse conditions. That is to say, harmful and unhealthy. That is to say that even our licensed top quality programs then become a petri dish for the development of attachment and personality disorder. Remember I said 6 weeks of age?

How many of our older youth are also being raised on an unhealthy diet of social media the result of which serves to help them stay connected while at the same time distancing them and polarizing them from their peers? Are these connections authentic or do they ultimately produces loneliness, depression, insecurity, or a sense of detachment from the outside world? I'm sure there are numerous studies on this. I am sure that I don't have them all. The studies and articles that I have read, tell me that too much time on social media where images are often inauthentic, and where you can present yourself as hospitable or hostile, where you can badger, bully, and humiliate your peers in isolation or flirt with them and you know what I mean.., where your digital interaction can overtake your thoughts to the point where the phone, for example, is never out of your hand and always in your face even at the family dinner table if there even is a family dinner, doesn't contribute to good mental health even in adults so why would it be healthy for our children?

How can we help our children connect? How can we support the development of empathy and healthy personalities where children whose busy parents are working and often suffering burnout, can develop a sense of belonging to something greater than themselves, and where they have the opportunity to learn to give a damn about themselves and others?

In my next post, I will make a proposal. Similar to the original that I've posted about prior, only this time with revisions. I want you to think with me. Feel free to comment, support or challenge, as you see fit.
Last edited by Jersey Girl on Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

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Absolutely wonderful!
I do think that one answer lies in the fact that children who were once raised in multi-generational homes, no longer are. Were multi-generational homes always a positive experience? No. For the first half of my own childhood (out of necessity I divide my childhood into two parts) I was raised in a multi-generational home with a collection of family members some who served as less than stellar examples and some who served as positive role models. I learned from both. I learned to recognize the weak places in human beings. I learned to recognize the responsible and reliable conduct of others. I learned to love them and in the process, I learned something about life and living it cooperatively, and I connected. The majority of my own peers did the same.
This is so incredibly important. Similar to you, I also grew up in a multi-generational home. Growing up in this environment, I was able to receive wisdom from all ages, with each generation imparting important and different lessons. I feel that as time has gone on, we have seen an increase in people friending only those who are similar to them and think like them. What happened to, as a kid, being friends with the elderly neighbor on the block? Now, it is nice to be friends with some who you can relate to, but some of my greatest friendships and relationships have been from those who
are not like me and actively challenge me to do and think better.
is never out of your hand and always in your face even at the family dinner table if there even is a family dinner,
I thought family dinner was just a normal thing considering it was a huge staple in my childhood. I loved family dinner. It was always nice to catch up with your fellow siblings and parents at the end of the day. With the recent holidays and seeing extended family, I was surprised to learn that most of the younger generation in my family doesn't have a family dinner, they just get food when they are hungry and go off to eat in their respective rooms or hugged to a phone or TV. :(

I love what you have so far and I am surely excited to hear what your proposals are! Bravo! :D
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

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Strong opening. Over time, I've come to think more and more that promoting the nuclear family as the American Dream was a mistake. The nuclear family has clear advantages for a capitalist economy: increased demand for housing and goods that go along with owning a home and a mobile work force are two that come to mind. But I wonder if the costs that you describe have been worth the benefits. I suspect not. I'll be interested to read your suggestions.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

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Res Ipsa wrote:
Tue Dec 07, 2021 6:58 pm
Strong opening. Over time, I've come to think more and more that promoting the nuclear family as the American Dream was a mistake. The nuclear family has clear advantages for a capitalist economy: increased demand for housing and goods that go along with owning a home and a mobile work force are two that come to mind. But I wonder if the costs that you describe have been worth the benefits. I suspect not. I'll be interested to read your suggestions.
I agree.

If I remember correctly, there was a sort of back-and-forth about this about a year-and-a-half ago. David Brooks wrote a column for The Atlantic that made the case that the nuclear family model had been a big mistake. Family research council types (including, I think, some BYU prof) felt the need to rebut. After reading both sides, I couldn't help but think that Brooks had some good points to make. Most of all, I remember being kind of surprised that he went there.

Since then, I've become fully convinced. From the warehousing of the elderly to the dearth of positive adult role models in children's lives, it's clear that the modern model of the nuclear family is clearly dysfunctional.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

Post by Jersey Girl »

Interlude...

My biggest challenge in presenting a proposal about anything is struggling to contain my thoughts and then presenting them in an organized way. Once I see it lined up in my mind's eye, it's not half bad. Another weak area is that I'm good at seeing the vision, I often lack the detailed knowledge with which to execute the plan. But I've got something, that much I know. I learned years ago the value of collaboration so whenever I developed a vision, I knew I needed resources in order to carry out the plan, good heads if you will. And, the places from which I draw inspiration are nothing if not odd. In my own circle of people, I am all too well known for saying, "I've got an idea!" And then, of course, I want to do it on the spot. Thus, the interlude before the proposal.

As I was about to leave the house I noticed the box of left over pie with a couple of pieces left in it on the kitchen counter. When I was out driving without my cell phone (Mentioning that because a couple of days in cell phone hell was what kept me from finishing my first post) I thought about an experience I had last week. Anyway, the wheels turned and here is what I want to present before the actual proposal.

In Constructivist theory we talk about meeting the needs of the whole child. In the first early learning program I ever worked in as a parent, Piagetian theory was presented to us in the form of a pie. P.I.E.S.

Physical
Intellectual
Emotional
Social

My proposal is going to hinge on nurturing the last two pieces of the pie, emotional and social. I spent a good number of years (3 decades) acknowledging our failure as ECE professionals to address the needs of parents due to time constraints. It's not that we couldn't meet parent's needs for support, but the education piece was sorely lacking. I did my best to bring parent education into the program that I administered. I never felt that it was enough.

So we're going to concentrate on the whole family, and hopefully in turn, the community and see if there is impact to be had not only to families and the community, but to the larger society.

Last week I was invited to a small gathering of rug hookers so that I could learn what that new skill was about. I was invited by a parent whose children I taught years ago. Her children are now late 20's and early 30's. The group of women were amazed that not only had we kept in contact over the years, but that an adult friendship was born out of that early childhood program once I had retired. We talked about how that happened and my friend/parent said,

"It's so hard to make friends, isn't it?"

I had brought to the gathering a class photo for my friend. She had lost her family photos in a house fire. She snapped a photo of the class picture and sent it to her child. Her child is a PhD teaching back East now and just about to turn 30. She also snapped a photo of me at the gathering and sent it. The daughter immediately shot back a text saying, "Hello Miss Jersey!" :-) and the friends at the table were astounded that she and her brother (a rambling wreck from Georgia Tech and my guess a hell of an engineer, who also got the photo and replied) even remembered me, much less recognized me in the new photo. Their mother said that out of all their teachers, I was the one they remembered the most. Pretty amazing and also humbling if you ask me.

I'm not bragging here. I'm hinting at a certain kind of experience that has the potential to create long lasting bonds. Look for that in the proposal!
Last edited by Jersey Girl on Tue Dec 07, 2021 9:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

Post by Jersey Girl »

ETA: I've read all the comments here. Thank you!
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF

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Re: Kasserian Ingera

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The Proposal: Bringing the village in close proximity to the child.

The Village School System

Description: A hospitable and respectful, cooperative multi-generational campus learning environment for members of the community from early childhood through the the senior years.

Mission: To support the growth and development of all members of the community where every person is considered a valuable member of the community and where each member is actively engaged as learner, teacher, and mentor.

Facilitation: Each level within the Village School System would be housed in a cluster of learning centers on one campus, to include an early childhood program, elementary school, middle school, high school, and a Senior Center. Each level within the school would have the opportunity to support the learning of other levels.

Examples: Senior citizens interact with, influence, and mentor each level up to and including high school seniors. High school seniors would be provided with education and training in the first semester to equip them to intern in the early childhood program and/or food services working under the supervision of qualified adults, in their second semester. Education would include state guidelines from the applicable state agencies, as well as finance and budgeting.

Services: On-site administration offices, adult education to include parent education, services the purpose of which is to support and promote campus well being, including medical and mental health, social services, and law enforcement support, protection and emergency response.

Notes: I've added more pieces to the original proposal.

1. Senior Center: The inspiration for the Senior Center came from thinking about the benefits of the multi-generational home.

2. Mental Health and Social Services: I think the Village School System should provide a direct line to both types of services.

3. Law Enforcement: This was inspired by a post made by Atlanticmike. I've never once seen anyone propose it and I am one to give credit where credit is due. This eliminates the lone SRO on campus and brings a police station directly on-site.
Atlanticmike wrote:
Sat Dec 04, 2021 3:36 am
Here's another idea. It drives me crazy when I drive down the road and pass a police precinct building with 20 to 30 cops operating out of each precinct. I say shut the precincts down and put a double wide on the front lawn of every highschool in America and let that be the police precinct. The police would be on school grounds 24/7 with multiple officers, guns, cars and many other deterrent. If my kids have to walk outside to attend class in a trailer because of over crowding, well, the police can have there precinct smack dab in front of the school.
posting.php?mode=quote&f=13&p=2756322

I've done some checking with regard to the idea of bringing a police station on campus to see whether or not it would be feasible in my own area. I think it is. While I do not live in the what you might call the town proper, I used the city police for my investigation.

There are currently 51 public elementary, middle and high schools, and 29 private schools in our area. I lack the number of early education programs.

By the end of this month, the city police department will have a total of 703 sworn officers and 12 available K-9 units. Three additional K-9 units are assigned to metro and the airport and cannot be taken away for service on school campuses as well as whatever officers are needed to cover metro, undercover, airport, and those assigned to K-9 units.

Considering the fact that the above listed public and private schools are primarily located on combined campuses, I think there is reason to believe that mini-police stations could be housed on area campuses and that even a small staff of police officers while based on campus could still be deployed and respond to routine and emergency calls into the various parts of town without leaving the campus without coverage. I do have a background in transportation but I can't say for sure what the needs would be for law enforcement coverage in a fairly large town such as the one in question.

ETA: I'm unwilling to sacrifice the idea that every school should operate a community garden. I didn't plug it into the above because when I started to write the proposal, I ended up creating an entire school system including the staffing requirements for professional and non-professional staff, philosophy and mission statement, the building configuration/design and usage including an Atrium and the community garden, darn near started writing contracts, and then scrapped the whole thing for what you see posted above. Don't say I didn't tell you that I have a had time containing my thoughts! by the way, the building design has a multi-purpose Atrium in the middle. ;-)
Last edited by Jersey Girl on Wed Dec 08, 2021 5:11 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

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One of the drawbacks of making a proposal such as I did above, is what happens after the "That sounds like a great idea!" and "How do we make this happen? is the realization is that nothing can happen overnight and how long it might take to actually achieve the goal. Society didn't end up in the condition that it's currently in overnight and we can't change it overnight. In my last post on the topic (I'm lying to myself here) I want to discuss ways in which we can begin to make the changes that result in shifts that change cultural norms, today. If you have ideas about that right now, feel free to post them here. Let's talk.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

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Res Ipsa wrote:
Tue Dec 07, 2021 6:58 pm
Strong opening. Over time, I've come to think more and more that promoting the nuclear family as the American Dream was a mistake. The nuclear family has clear advantages for a capitalist economy: increased demand for housing and goods that go along with owning a home and a mobile work force are two that come to mind. But I wonder if the costs that you describe have been worth the benefits. I suspect not. I'll be interested to read your suggestions.
When would you say that America began placing emphasis on the nuclear family? I'm thinking mid to late 50's when I suspect that what we know as the housing developments/sub-divisions of suburban America began. I don't know why I think that, it may be just an impression. I feel another rabbit hole coming on.
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Re: Kasserian Ingera

Post by Res Ipsa »

Jersey Girl wrote:
Wed Dec 08, 2021 9:06 am
Res Ipsa wrote:
Tue Dec 07, 2021 6:58 pm
Strong opening. Over time, I've come to think more and more that promoting the nuclear family as the American Dream was a mistake. The nuclear family has clear advantages for a capitalist economy: increased demand for housing and goods that go along with owning a home and a mobile work force are two that come to mind. But I wonder if the costs that you describe have been worth the benefits. I suspect not. I'll be interested to read your suggestions.
When would you say that America began placing emphasis on the nuclear family? I'm thinking mid to late 50's when I suspect that what we know as the housing developments/sub-divisions of suburban America began. I don't know why I think that, it may be just an impression. I feel another rabbit hole coming on.
I think the same: Post WW II. I’m guessing VA and FHA loans helped subsidize home ownership.
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