Kasserian Ingera
Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2021 4:53 am
Kasserian Ingera is the traditional greeting shared between warriors of the Maasi tribe in Africa. In it's translation to the English language it reads,
"And how are the children?"
The Maasi evidently knew the worth of a child and the importance of the well being of their children. If all was well, it meant that the status of their society was healthy and secure as well as the future of their tribe. If you think this makes sense then please tell me how American society makes sense in relation to it's children?
Is the status of our tribe secure? And if I were to ask you, "And how are the children?" What would your answer be today?
We are on the heels of yet another school shooting. The 15 year old shooter used a weapon gifted to him by his own parents and when he was observed searching for ammunition on his cell phone in class the day before the incident, his mother's response was, 'LOL, I'm not mad. You have to learn not to get caught.' The next day, when it was discovered that he had made a drawing with disturbing violent messages and images, and even when the school advised the parents that the student could not return to class until he received mental health services within the next 48 hours, both the school and parents agreed to leave him in school. You know the rest of the story.
Four students dead, 8 wounded, and perhaps a whole student body and their teachers left traumatized. Copycat threats to follow. How did this happen? How could this happen? And why did the school renege on it's directive to the parents?
No doubt there were signs of mental illness present in Ethan's drawings, if nothing else he was disturbed. Even so, what explains the parent's behavior in relation to their own child? They tell him to learn not to get caught? They don't take him home and care for him? They don't immediately attempt to connect him to services? If he had Covid would they have taken him home and would the school have sent him home?
You've heard it said, that it takes village to raise a child. An old proverb believed to have come from Africa. Yes, Africa again. When we repeat old proverbs and other sayings like them, do we really understand what we mean? Do we understand the wisdom behind those ages old proverbs and are we willing to facilitate the societal shift that is needed in order to secure the future of the tribe?
I've posted about this issue as long ago as 2007 on this board. Yes, it's an area of personal passion. I've discussed attachment and bonding. How secure attachments are formed, why they are necessary to the development of a healthy personality, and the consequences of loose or insecure attachment. Simply put, the attachment and bonding process begins at birth. It is the foundation of the formation of a healthy personality. It is the root from which the ability to take on the perspective of another grows, a skill that accompanies the development of empathy. You might call empathy the ability to walk a mile in my moccasins. You might call it the ability to give a damn about yourself and other people. You might even go so far as to call it a conscience. Whatever you call it, it is the ability to experience the world through the eyes of another. The ability to understand the emotions of others and feel them. Some humans have high levels of empathy, some a fair amount, some not as much, some not at all. Those who have no empathy at all are essentially psychopaths or sociopaths or under current terminology, humans who have anti-social personality disorder. People with no conscience.
And child rearing, what has happened to parenting in this country? Surely, most parents are competent and raise up healthy human beings who are able to move about society without offense. Why don't some parents parent appropriately or even adequately? Why do some children appear to not be able to give a damn about their fellow human being? Why do some parents appear not to know how to give a damn about their own child? Why are some children suffering from mental illness not given treatment? Why are some of our children and their families, and our society itself, falling through the cracks?
Where is the village and why has it abandoned raising the children?
I do think that one answer lies in the fact that children who were once raised in multi-generational homes, no longer are. Were multi-generational homes always a positive experience? No. For the first half of my own childhood (out of necessity I divide my childhood into two parts) I was raised in a multi-generational home with a collection of family members some who served as less than stellar examples and some who served as positive role models. I learned from both. I learned to recognize the weak places in human beings. I learned to recognize the responsible and reliable conduct of others. I learned to love them and in the process, I learned something about life and living it cooperatively, and I connected. The majority of my own peers did the same.
In the multi-generational home or in homes where extended family were not far away and accessible, or even in neighborhoods where neighbors formed relationships with other neighbors, more than acceptance, tolerance, understanding and love can happen. Ideally, older members who were in a position to support the care of the youngest members, also served as mentors to parents. Say what you will about old school methods of child rearing but the sense of belonging in that situation was as tangible as your grandmother's embrace or the smile of the neighbor in their yard next door. You can look up Maslow's hierarchy of human needs to learn more about what I am getting at. And by the way, my own grandmother wasn't a hugger so don't get the idea that I was surrounded by warm fuzzies because not all of them were, but still, she took care of me.
I think that some of our children lack a sense of connectedness and a sense of belonging. Some are being raised from 6 weeks of age in institutions under adverse conditions and they are being raised there today. Don't believe me? As a result of the Covid 19 pandemic, the NAEYC (the largest professional organization for early educators in the United States) reports that 4 in 5 childcare centers in the U.S. are currently understaffed.
https://www.naeyc.org/about-us/news/pre ... derstaffed.
Make no mistake about it, when programs are understaffed everything and everyone suffers, including and particularly the program's ability to deliver quality care and early education to children. When understaffing is the issue, it automatically renders the environment adverse. I've worked out of ratio a time or two. You don't want that.
What that means to you as a citizen is that children ages 6 weeks and older, in 4 out of 5 programs whose very personalities are forming, are being raised for a significant amount of time by overworked caregivers under adverse conditions. That is to say, harmful and unhealthy. That is to say that even our licensed top quality programs then become a petri dish for the development of attachment and personality disorder. Remember I said 6 weeks of age?
How many of our older youth are also being raised on an unhealthy diet of social media the result of which serves to help them stay connected while at the same time distancing them and polarizing them from their peers? Are these connections authentic or do they ultimately produces loneliness, depression, insecurity, or a sense of detachment from the outside world? I'm sure there are numerous studies on this. I am sure that I don't have them all. The studies and articles that I have read, tell me that too much time on social media where images are often inauthentic, and where you can present yourself as hospitable or hostile, where you can badger, bully, and humiliate your peers in isolation or flirt with them and you know what I mean.., where your digital interaction can overtake your thoughts to the point where the phone, for example, is never out of your hand and always in your face even at the family dinner table if there even is a family dinner, doesn't contribute to good mental health even in adults so why would it be healthy for our children?
How can we help our children connect? How can we support the development of empathy and healthy personalities where children whose busy parents are working and often suffering burnout, can develop a sense of belonging to something greater than themselves, and where they have the opportunity to learn to give a damn about themselves and others?
In my next post, I will make a proposal. Similar to the original that I've posted about prior, only this time with revisions. I want you to think with me. Feel free to comment, support or challenge, as you see fit.
"And how are the children?"
The Maasi evidently knew the worth of a child and the importance of the well being of their children. If all was well, it meant that the status of their society was healthy and secure as well as the future of their tribe. If you think this makes sense then please tell me how American society makes sense in relation to it's children?
Is the status of our tribe secure? And if I were to ask you, "And how are the children?" What would your answer be today?
We are on the heels of yet another school shooting. The 15 year old shooter used a weapon gifted to him by his own parents and when he was observed searching for ammunition on his cell phone in class the day before the incident, his mother's response was, 'LOL, I'm not mad. You have to learn not to get caught.' The next day, when it was discovered that he had made a drawing with disturbing violent messages and images, and even when the school advised the parents that the student could not return to class until he received mental health services within the next 48 hours, both the school and parents agreed to leave him in school. You know the rest of the story.
Four students dead, 8 wounded, and perhaps a whole student body and their teachers left traumatized. Copycat threats to follow. How did this happen? How could this happen? And why did the school renege on it's directive to the parents?
No doubt there were signs of mental illness present in Ethan's drawings, if nothing else he was disturbed. Even so, what explains the parent's behavior in relation to their own child? They tell him to learn not to get caught? They don't take him home and care for him? They don't immediately attempt to connect him to services? If he had Covid would they have taken him home and would the school have sent him home?
You've heard it said, that it takes village to raise a child. An old proverb believed to have come from Africa. Yes, Africa again. When we repeat old proverbs and other sayings like them, do we really understand what we mean? Do we understand the wisdom behind those ages old proverbs and are we willing to facilitate the societal shift that is needed in order to secure the future of the tribe?
I've posted about this issue as long ago as 2007 on this board. Yes, it's an area of personal passion. I've discussed attachment and bonding. How secure attachments are formed, why they are necessary to the development of a healthy personality, and the consequences of loose or insecure attachment. Simply put, the attachment and bonding process begins at birth. It is the foundation of the formation of a healthy personality. It is the root from which the ability to take on the perspective of another grows, a skill that accompanies the development of empathy. You might call empathy the ability to walk a mile in my moccasins. You might call it the ability to give a damn about yourself and other people. You might even go so far as to call it a conscience. Whatever you call it, it is the ability to experience the world through the eyes of another. The ability to understand the emotions of others and feel them. Some humans have high levels of empathy, some a fair amount, some not as much, some not at all. Those who have no empathy at all are essentially psychopaths or sociopaths or under current terminology, humans who have anti-social personality disorder. People with no conscience.
And child rearing, what has happened to parenting in this country? Surely, most parents are competent and raise up healthy human beings who are able to move about society without offense. Why don't some parents parent appropriately or even adequately? Why do some children appear to not be able to give a damn about their fellow human being? Why do some parents appear not to know how to give a damn about their own child? Why are some children suffering from mental illness not given treatment? Why are some of our children and their families, and our society itself, falling through the cracks?
Where is the village and why has it abandoned raising the children?
I do think that one answer lies in the fact that children who were once raised in multi-generational homes, no longer are. Were multi-generational homes always a positive experience? No. For the first half of my own childhood (out of necessity I divide my childhood into two parts) I was raised in a multi-generational home with a collection of family members some who served as less than stellar examples and some who served as positive role models. I learned from both. I learned to recognize the weak places in human beings. I learned to recognize the responsible and reliable conduct of others. I learned to love them and in the process, I learned something about life and living it cooperatively, and I connected. The majority of my own peers did the same.
In the multi-generational home or in homes where extended family were not far away and accessible, or even in neighborhoods where neighbors formed relationships with other neighbors, more than acceptance, tolerance, understanding and love can happen. Ideally, older members who were in a position to support the care of the youngest members, also served as mentors to parents. Say what you will about old school methods of child rearing but the sense of belonging in that situation was as tangible as your grandmother's embrace or the smile of the neighbor in their yard next door. You can look up Maslow's hierarchy of human needs to learn more about what I am getting at. And by the way, my own grandmother wasn't a hugger so don't get the idea that I was surrounded by warm fuzzies because not all of them were, but still, she took care of me.
I think that some of our children lack a sense of connectedness and a sense of belonging. Some are being raised from 6 weeks of age in institutions under adverse conditions and they are being raised there today. Don't believe me? As a result of the Covid 19 pandemic, the NAEYC (the largest professional organization for early educators in the United States) reports that 4 in 5 childcare centers in the U.S. are currently understaffed.
https://www.naeyc.org/about-us/news/pre ... derstaffed.
Make no mistake about it, when programs are understaffed everything and everyone suffers, including and particularly the program's ability to deliver quality care and early education to children. When understaffing is the issue, it automatically renders the environment adverse. I've worked out of ratio a time or two. You don't want that.
What that means to you as a citizen is that children ages 6 weeks and older, in 4 out of 5 programs whose very personalities are forming, are being raised for a significant amount of time by overworked caregivers under adverse conditions. That is to say, harmful and unhealthy. That is to say that even our licensed top quality programs then become a petri dish for the development of attachment and personality disorder. Remember I said 6 weeks of age?
How many of our older youth are also being raised on an unhealthy diet of social media the result of which serves to help them stay connected while at the same time distancing them and polarizing them from their peers? Are these connections authentic or do they ultimately produces loneliness, depression, insecurity, or a sense of detachment from the outside world? I'm sure there are numerous studies on this. I am sure that I don't have them all. The studies and articles that I have read, tell me that too much time on social media where images are often inauthentic, and where you can present yourself as hospitable or hostile, where you can badger, bully, and humiliate your peers in isolation or flirt with them and you know what I mean.., where your digital interaction can overtake your thoughts to the point where the phone, for example, is never out of your hand and always in your face even at the family dinner table if there even is a family dinner, doesn't contribute to good mental health even in adults so why would it be healthy for our children?
How can we help our children connect? How can we support the development of empathy and healthy personalities where children whose busy parents are working and often suffering burnout, can develop a sense of belonging to something greater than themselves, and where they have the opportunity to learn to give a damn about themselves and others?
In my next post, I will make a proposal. Similar to the original that I've posted about prior, only this time with revisions. I want you to think with me. Feel free to comment, support or challenge, as you see fit.