24 Minutes of Awkwardness...

[_Selah]

So those of you who have left the LDS church gracefully - what did you do when people began calling you asking you where you were?

Today, I recieved a call from a dear "sister" from the ward and I felt so horrible having to break the news to her. Also, I'm trying my best to be sensitive to how my former ward members are taking the news so I try to soften everything I say.

So what have you guys done?

[_Bond...James Bond]

Okay so I never left the tentacles of the LDS Church....but I seriously doubt I'd spend 24 minutes of my time telling someone why I disagree with it. Unless you're really good friends with someone flat out tell them. Don't beat around the bush trying to be polite and not hurt their feelings. If you're leaving will affect the testimonies of other folks then their testimonies aren't worth much and are built on the numbers and social network of the church rather than an actual connection with God (whomever he is).

[_Polygamy Porter]

My wife has been going through this as she recently slipped out of the clutches of the cult.

She tells them that she found historical and doctrinal problems that caused her to closely examine TSCC.

I do it much simpler and ask them, "If the church wasn't true would you want to know?"

Then I tell them that I want to know and I found out it is not.

[_personage]

My Bishop is the only person with whom I've dicussed in any real detail the reasons for my exit. I have not yet fully completed the resignation process but the bishop is very respectful of my position and I don't get bothered too much with people dropping in. When I do get the occasional phone call or visit or even just bump in to someone from church, if they ask why I havn't been to church in a long time I just tell them politely that it is a private matter that I am not going to discuss.
I don't really want to debate with people that I used to go to church with. I will respect their right to worship as they please and as long as they don't hassle me about my right to do the same all is well.

[_Selah]

Okay so I never left the tentacles of the LDS Church....but I seriously doubt I'd spend 24 minutes of my time telling someone why I disagree with it. Unless you're really good friends with someone flat out tell them. Don't beat around the bush trying to be polite and not hurt their feelings. If you're leaving will affect the testimonies of other folks then their testimonies aren't worth much and are built on the numbers and social network of the church rather than an actual connection with God (whomever he is).

The entire 24 minutes was about us leaving the LDS church. Part of it was also about personal lives - her pregnancy and such. ;)

[_Bond...James Bond]

Okay so I never left the tentacles of the LDS Church....but I seriously doubt I'd spend 24 minutes of my time telling someone why I disagree with it. Unless you're really good friends with someone flat out tell them. Don't beat around the bush trying to be polite and not hurt their feelings. If you're leaving will affect the testimonies of other folks then their testimonies aren't worth much and are built on the numbers and social network of the church rather than an actual connection with God (whomever he is).

The entire 24 minutes was about us leaving the LDS church. Part of it was also about personal lives - her pregnancy and such. ;)

However long it took....if it takes more than 2 minutes to tell someone who isn't a close friend why you left a religion you disagree with, you need to stop beating around the bush with acquantiances and just spit it out.

[_Inconceivable]

My Bishop is the only person with whom I've dicussed in any real detail the reasons for my exit. I have not yet fully completed the resignation process but the bishop is very respectful of my position and I don't get bothered too much with people dropping in. When I do get the occasional phone call or visit or even just bump in to someone from church, if they ask why I havn't been to church in a long time I just tell them politely that it is a private matter that I am not going to discuss.
I don't really want to debate with people that I used to go to church with. I will respect their right to worship as they please and as long as they don't hassle me about my right to do the same all is well.

I set within these margins as well. There are some that will make your life a living hell. It's not always easy to spot these ones. I've made a few mistakes. The reactions you'll receive are many:

Some will dis-associate you out of fear, contempt, selfrighteousness, feelings of betrayal, mistrust and may even fire you.
Some are your friends and they just haven't the capacity to understand and will do the above to you
Others will pore on the love - ad nausium
And there are some that will say, "I always knew there was something wrong with that guy". (They probably weren't going to leave you anything in their will anyway :(

Those you respect and are well connected with ought to know before some self righteous clown rings the bell. These are the friends and aquointances that have the ability to see past the affiliations and view and accept you for who you are. These are the people you want to spend 20 minutes with.

[_beastie]

I wrote a lengthy letter to my family members about my loss of faith. I also shared these reasons with my bishop when I requested my name be removed from rolls.

I think most people in my ward actually had already heard about my loss of faith, since it was a small ward and I was very active. In addition, I had taken a long time to leave altogether, and had discussed my problems with various members along the way. You know they share that information with others. So most people didn't ask "why", because they'd already heard and, since I had studied church history more than they had, probably didn't want to know.

Every now and then, since then, I get a random call from a member with a mission - despite the fact that SLC assures me my name is "off the rolls". (apparently it's not off some local rolls) I certainly will not spend a lot of time with those people, and say something like "I no longer believe in the church and am not a member". Most don't press to know why. For the one who did, I told her that I had no desire to go into the details with her, as I didn't want to cause her aggravation or hurt feelings.

It's just a matter of being firm, and knowing how much time you're willing to devote to these things. I view these occasional calls like I view sales calls - I just say "I'm not interested, thank you" and hang up. Stop worrying about softening it, or else you'll end up engaging in discussions you'd rather not have.

[_Runtu]

I can't say my exit has been graceful, and it's not really over yet, either. For me, I've just tried to be sympathetic to the pain I know my family is experiencing, at the same time trying to follow my own conscience. It's not easy.

[_Selah]

I can't say my exit has been graceful, and it's not really over yet, either. For me, I've just tried to be sympathetic to the pain I know my family is experiencing, at the same time trying to follow my own conscience. It's not easy.

I think this is where I am right now. It's good to know I'm not alone. :)

Beastie -

Thank you for your post. It's very informative and I find it helpful. I guess I'm just too soft hearted because I can't fathom just hanging up on someone. :( I'm still in contact with my Bishop - whom I highly respect - and on occasion will ask questions here and there. I don't shy away from telling people I'm an ex-Mormon (except my family whom I still play the part with - I take care to take off my cross and headcoverings and to put on my garments or atleast put on clothes to be "modest" enough to be considered wearing garments and so forth). Indeed with my parents - I never realized how much of myself went into being Mormon and listening to the LDS Church and not directly recieving revelation from God via His Holy Spirit. This is truely new to me - "I don't have a rulebook!?!?!" - it's quite frightening in some ways. :O

Thanks everyone for replying. You have no idea how helpful you're being - well except Bond, James Bond - but I continue to love him anyway. ;)