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My approach to the church, and really everything is to take the best and leave the rest.

In your opinion and experience what is the best of the church?
And what is not good?

To me, the best of the church is the sense of community (even if conditional) and some essentials like love one another - service.
The worst is financial corruption and cognitive distortions.

Trying to sort out my belief change from TBM (true believing Mormon)...

I've felt pain of:

1) Feeling betrayed & foolish - having fallen for lies and experiencing social shunning
2) No longer having belief support
3) No longer pushing pain away
- No more church-obsessed distractions (kind of like how addicts must face feelings after stopping their addiction that previously helped them escape unpleasant feelings)
-No more scapegoat/human sacrifice
4) Shame of breaking the rules I'd believed in for so long
5) Being lost and feeling alone
6) Strained relationships
7) Loss of faith - unsure what to believe and trust

I've felt joy of:

1) Release of fear and shame (stopping self-punishment for being human)
2) Seeing deeper (higher perspective- big picture) truths so I can love self & others better
3) Not being so judgmental, considering multiple valid perspectives
4) More understanding & empathy of previous faith stages (spirit, not letter, of the law)
Fowler's faith stages: http://www.psychologycharts.com/james-f ... faith.html
5) Progress
6) Freedom from herd mentality (which is often harmfully insane)
7) Getting my priorities straight (integrity & love of family & friends over peer pressure)
8) Helping our kids think, feel & do better, & have a stronger foundation based on truth - less likely "shelf" to inevitably come crashing down
9) Ability and freedom to take the best & leave the rest- independent reasonably intuitive thought
10) Exploring the spirit & power of belief without restrictive limitations
11) Belief tolerance - being in the church, not of it ;)

Any comments or anything you'd add or subtract?

It's most definitely a journey and process you're on. It may take years to resolve these issues you have. Being able to articulate them and identify them is helpful because you are giving them validation.

The longest journey begins with a single step. God bless.

Thanks, AmyJo!

Many people say there is good in the church, and I believe that is the case. The problem I have is that it comes at a cost. For one to fit into the warm fuzzy there is another that agonizes with guilt. For every person that feels special there is another that the church causes to feel worthless.

If we are going to settle on the good in the church we must at least acknowledge it comes at a cost.

Bike275 wrote:Many people say there is good in the church, and I believe that is the case. The problem I have is that it comes at a cost. For one to fit into the warm fuzzy there is another that agonizes with guilt. For every person that feels special there is another that the church causes to feel worthless.

If we are going to settle on the good in the church we must at least acknowledge it comes at a cost.

You're right. The church regularly subjects members to mind-control. https://youtu.be/VUsOHsZIiA4 And when you're subjected to that from the time of birth (& your parents also maintain their cognitive distortions), the guilt and sense of worthlessness can feel overwhelming. In the cult/church mentality, is polarized (bi-polar) thinking: "You're either on the Lord's side or not." So, if we somehow do the long list of things we're shamed into doing - as part if the church's mission to "perfect the saints" - then we feel ok about ourselves. But if we fail in any area, suddenly in our minds, we're worthless because we're not perfectly on the Lord's side - which is always the case because nobody's perfect, and some of their list is dysfunctional.

The key is to breaking the power of mind-control. This will not happen over night, but I've learned a few things that are helping me. Correcting cognitive distortions http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-c ... stortions/, healing life traps http://www.tunnelukkosi.fi/en/lifetraps.htm and redefining gospel terms in psychologically healthier ways...

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

...Examples of redefining gospel terms:

Anointed: Those who have been blessed, especially by God
Apostate: Name calling, ad-hominem attack use by those unaware they're in a cult
Baptism: Beautiful symbolic ritual to remind us of our spiritual and physical births, and rebirths
Believe: Firm hope that something is true
Celestial: Christ-like
Choose The Right: Do God's will above all
Commandments: scripture/socially learned... and spiritual personal circumstantial
Covenants with God: Covenants with LOVE
Faith: Hope that is acted on
Family: Those we love and are connected with - ultimately the entire world
Fast: To go without food for at least one meal, while praying with focused intention
Jesus Christ: Christ is not Jesus' last name, but what he became and encouraged us to follow him and become
Kingdom of God: Spiritual connection with God within us
Last Days: Heaven's Reward Fallacy. "The kingdom of God cometh not with observation, the kingdom of God is within you."
Lord's Side: All-or-Nothing thinking is "you are either on the Lord's side or you're not" - truth is we're mixed, depending on the circumstance
Love/Charity/Pure Love: Appreciating what is while striving for what is best - through trial and error - active faith
Marriage: Between a man and a woman, like a blueprint of intent to grow together in relating
Priesthood: Godly power
Repent: Correct one's thinking and related emotions and behavior - turning to God
Sin/Evil: Incorrect thought and related e-motions and behavior
Salvation: healed by correcting one's thinking
Satan/Adversary: unhealed part of us, incorrect thinking that ultimately causes suffering
Scriptures: Ancient writings of imperfect people which imperfect religious leaders have selected and often changed
Spirit: Intuitive sense that helps guide us - goal is to make subconscious more conscious through prayer and meditation
Temple: Body, mind and soul - place to connect spiritually
Tithing: 1/10 of increase, sometimes used by religious leaders to be rich, but is significantly intended for the poor (Deut 14:28-29)
Veil: Subjectively limited beliefs we are all subject to
Word of Wisdom: Spirit of wise choices in regards to health
Word: Spiritual/symbolic energy

Amore wrote:Any comments or anything you'd add or subtract?

The good that is in the church existed before the church did and will exist after its eventual demise. The church merely laid claim to common societal values that already existed within us. That is in large part why so many stumble at trying to leave the church. They have this false concept so ingrained in their thinking that they equate leaving the church with leaving that which is good within the church. It is another false dichotomy perpetuated to retain membership.

I'm a tbm so you may think I'm brain washed but the church has blessed me in every aspect of my life from family friends and work.

Patrick Mason has some comments on the subject:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peculiarpe ... Mormonism/

Though selectivity can indeed lead to relativism and the tyranny of individual choice divorced from any sense of community obligation or responsibility, when exercised in good faith and in the context of community it becomes a gift. In his discourse on spiritual gifts Paul emphasizes that within the body of Christ it is the Holy Spirit “who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.” The diffusion of gifts and perspectives is appointed by God, who “arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.” The purpose of this diversity within the body of Christ is not to create division, but paradoxically to create harmony and complementarity, “that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another” (NRSV, 1 Cor. 12:11, 18, 25).
In Christ’s cafeteria, your plate might look a little different than mine. But so long as we pay the price of admission and partake from the same buffet, there’s no reason we can’t all sit down and enjoy the feast together.

Amore wrote:My approach to the church, and really everything is to take the best and leave the rest.

In your opinion and experience what is the best of the church?
And what is not good?

It's why so many of us pick none of it because none of it is the best.