Ancestors and the temple

[nowacatholic]

I was a member of the LDS Church for over 30 years. One thing I could never wrap my head around was family history. My mom tried to get me interested so that I'd have names to take the temple when I turned 12. I was 9 at the time she tried to suck me in.

My thought process on this is this: I prefer to live my life in the present. The past stays in the past. When my grandmother died, my uncle tried to give me her high school yearbook and other artifacts of hers. I politely declined and suggested giving those things to my cousins. Why? Because those things are from the past. And I don't live there.

When I turned 12, I politely refused to go the temple because doing family history work is living in the past. My conditional deacon and YW friends turned out to not be friends when I shared with them my philosophy on temple work and doing family history, something I found BORING. I mean, why all the fuss given that the LDS Church teaches that family work will be squared away during the millennium anyway? Why have I been told that my ancestors are "crying out" to have their work done? And no, my immediate and extended family are NOT members and they speak ill of the Church all the time.

I also decided against my mission because I got my trust fund when I turned 18 and I didn't want to leave my finances behind for two years, losing quite a bit of money because I wouldn't have been able to invest for two years. Because of this and my temple views, I got shunned by YSA women. I wound up meeting my wife in the library, where I was the librarian. It turned out that even back then she wasn't TBM and didn't care that I failed to go on a mission and to the temple. Two years ago, when I became Catholic, she was mildly upset, but I've gotten her to go to Mass with me on occasion. She's becoming less "LDS-ish" by the week, but still insists on prayer time, fast Sundays and so forth.

Anyway, what do you think? Was I being unreasonable as a youth and YSA?

[Res Ipsa]

I don't get it. If you don't "live in the past," why are you seeking the opinions of complete strangers on choices you made 20 years ago?

Are you happy with who you are today? Your past is how you got to be you.

[nowacatholic]

I seek opinions because I've been second-guessing myself in regards to turning down my mission and declining to do family history work.

What I mean by living in the past is accepting family "heirlooms" and by not doing childish things that grown adults do, i.e. dressing up for Halloween like a child and by wasting my time with "nostalgia."

[Res Ipsa]

I seek opinions because I've been second-guessing myself in regards to turning down my mission and declining to do family history work.

What I mean by living in the past is accepting family "heirlooms" and by not doing childish things that grown adults do, i.e. dressing up for Halloween like a child and by wasting my time with "nostalgia."

I don't see the difference. Regardless, what difference would it make if you decided you made bad decisions 20 years ago? Would you go on a mission today? Would you start doing genealogy? Would you stop being a Catholic and go back to being a Mormon? Or are you happy with who you are today?

I get the temptation to second-guess. We all make good and bad decisions. Those decisions shaped the person you are today. If you like being that person, then second guessing old decisions is literally trying to live in a past that you have no power to change. And you don't know how changing those decisions would work out. Are you happy in your marriage? If you had gone on a mission, you likely wouldn't be married to your wife. You wouldn't have your daughter. Even if you could have a do-over, would you risk your marriage and kid(s)?

If you don't like being the person you are today, then the answer doesn't lie in ruminating about past decisions -- the answer lies in the decisions you have yet to make.

[Imwashingmypirate]

I seek opinions because I've been second-guessing myself in regards to turning down my mission and declining to do family history work.

What I mean by living in the past is accepting family "heirlooms" and by not doing childish things that grown adults do, i.e. dressing up for Halloween like a child and by wasting my time with "nostalgia."

Nothing wrong with turning those things down.. that's what you wanted to do. What is missing from your life for not doing it?

The not doing childish things is probably more regretful.
Nostalgia isn't a waste of time. You sound... I don't know... Are you autistic, antisocial? What's the word... There's a word on the tip of my brain.

What has spurred this on? Has something happened? Have you always second guessed yourself.

[Imwashingmypirate]

She's becoming less "LDS-ish" by the week, but still insists on prayer time, fast Sundays and so forth.

The energy in this sentence bothers me. But not my problem so yeah...

Um... I am LDS, non active. My husband is probably atheist, he says he is agnostic. He doesn't expect me to lose my faith or change my faith because he doesn't have faith. Don't change her because you've changed. Catholics have prayer. Nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, what do you think? Was I being unreasonable as a youth and YSA?

What did you do that was unreasonable?


There's an interesting discussion in here though... I wonder... Do LDS women really care about being with a returned missionary? Do they really shun young men who don't do temple work? I know that in the ward I was in... Let me think... How many young women was I with... Think there were 8 of us... 6 of us married/got with non members and one married a woman.

[nowacatholic]

Well, my experience in my YSA ward was that there were five sisters to eleven or so brethren. It was really like a competition in there. I stood down because I had no interest in marrying a sister who would likely drag me to the temple. Instead, I watched the antics ensue. At least one of the brethren did not go on his mission and he asked for dates and was rejected by all. He was a decent guy; he dressed the part and held the MP. He was employed and very well so.

The point is that the guys who went on their missions got play and he didn't. He wound up marrying a nice Catholic girl and left the church shortly thereafter. I didn't mind that I got turned down the one and only time that I tried, because I had money and that was more important to me. I wasn't going to spend two years away from my money and the investment income that came with it. I also wasn't going to play a role in order to find an EC. Along came the girl who would become my wife. She was an investigator when we met and she wound up requesting me to baptize her. She was cool about not going to the temple and she married me despite my numerous faults. And no, she did not care that I didn't go on my mission, perhaps being the only YSA to feel that way.

Most of the girls held out for RM's, including one girl who was beaten mercilessly by her RM catch just weeks after they became EC's.

[Imwashingmypirate]

Well, my experience in my YSA ward was that there were five sisters to eleven or so brethren. It was really like a competition in there. I stood down because I had no interest in marrying a sister who would likely drag me to the temple. Instead, I watched the antics ensue. At least one of the brethren did not go on his mission and he asked for dates and was rejected by all. He was a decent guy; he dressed the part and held the MP. He was employed and very well so.

The point is that the guys who went on their missions got play and he didn't. He wound up marrying a nice Catholic girl and left the church shortly thereafter. I didn't mind that I got turned down the one and only time that I tried, because I had money and that was more important to me. I wasn't going to spend two years away from my money and the investment income that came with it. I also wasn't going to play a role in order to find an EC. Along came the girl who would become my wife. She was an investigator when we met and she wound up requesting me to baptize her. She was cool about not going to the temple and she married me despite my numerous faults. And no, she did not care that I didn't go on my mission, perhaps being the only YSA to feel that way.

Most of the girls held out for RM's, including one girl who was beaten mercilessly by her RM catch just weeks after they became EC's.

Don't really see the issue. Sounds like life worked itself out. When I was in YSA, I don't really recall anyone seriously dating anyone or marrying anyone. Maybe we do it differently. I went on one date with one guy in YSA. He hadn't been on a mission but he did go on one after uni. My friend dated different people but from different wards and chatted on LDS link up. But didn't get into anything serious. I remember being taught that we should marry an RM in the temple but generally we didn't talk like that or think like that. We were all students so uni was more important.