JoetheClerk wrote:LDS theology is that the most Valiant spirits were saved until our time, the last of the last days. With all these great and valiant ones coming down shouldn't we see more discerning folk choosing good over evil with the great spiritual gifts they should have? The opposite seems to be happening with all the 'valiant spirits' choosing to be bad guys instead.
Did 'the Lard' make some mistakes saving all these valiant ones for last?
About a month or so ago, our Bishop made the "saved for the last days" appeal to the youth. The following is a light hearted response I came up with at the time for amusement:
*** The other day, bishop said he had a testimony that the youth today were saved for a special purpose, that they were elect. The hair on the back of my neck bristled. He did not just go there! Shut up!
I was part of generation "Elect", saved for the last days, damned straight! This fellow goes tossin' this label of esteem round like it grows on trees, and bestowing it upon young punks to boot. He's got no call to do that.
Now, sure the church is funny as a three dollar bill, but I'm taking my title of electness with me to the grave. ain't no tweens, teens, or twenny somthin's gonna try and step in for me here. Let me break it down for ya:
We had the Osmonds. Donny, Marrie, the whole fam. They sang, they danced, they converted souls.
We had Paul H. Dunn. The dude had his boot torn off by sniper fire in battle! Least that's what I heard, and his stories were true. Errrm, well they were true for a while, atleast whilst i was young. Where's you're Paul H. Dunn, generation X? that's right, you got nothin.
Then there's Mark Hoffman. Guy makes bombs, and sells forgeries to the prophet. This fellow is like an apostate McGuiver.
Our patriarchal blessings had nothing to do with this watered down drivel you kids settle for. We got real blessings. The girls were all told that they looked like the virgin Mary, or was it the virgin Madonna? Anywho, the patriarchs really went out on a limb for us. Like I was told I was Nephi or somethin in another life. Eh, yeah, how bout that grasshopper? Patriarchal blessings today have all the excitement of cardboard cereal and milk.
When was the last time you kids saw the three nephites kickin about? Man, when I was a teen, they were crawlin all over the place. Couldn't hardly run out of gas with out the three big Indian dudes creepin up on ya with some unleaded. And they were real Lamanites then! You youngin's got Lamanites? Last I heard, they all got lost in some DNA complications.
When I went to the MTC, we had Lucifer shakin in his boots. Dude was so terrified of all the souls were were gonna convert to Mormonism, he would set up camp on the outskirts of the MTC with all his hells angels to throw down with us. Well, I never saw em' there exactly, but the mtc president said he saw em there. True story!
Finally, our garments could stop bullets!
You young folk got nothin here. I hear any of you kids throwin about how you all are generation elect, and I'll smack ya'll about with the quad. Heck, don't need the whole quad, I'll send ya running with the book of Abraham alone. ***