Is it healthy for a TBM spouse to "drop it" or "let it go?"

[_harmony]

Who said this is asking for marital advice?! Did I say that? You assume this scenario is me. Lol.

Harmony., what is potf?

Proclamation on the Family. My favorite lining for the bird cage.

[_Lucinda]

Harmony, you crack me up! :)

Z--I know what it's like to try to shelf church issues for a while. After five years I had to start looking at the issues because my shelf was breaking with all of the problems I saw. I'm guessing my wife is putting the Mormonism problems aside right now because it seems easier to just go along with life as usual. I don't think that works for too long--I found it was much harder than I thought. So I say DH should be true to how he is feeling and let my wife be true to how she is feeling. My guess is she won't be too far behind DH.

[_harmony]

Good grief yourself. How many people here are professionally trained counselors?

That would be me. And Truth Dancer. And Jersey has quite a bit of experience even if she's not professionally trained, just because of her job.

How many on this (or any) board genuinely have another stranger's best interests at heart?

Whoa, nelly! Back up the bus. Do you honestly think we're all scumbags who think nothing of ruining someone's life? We leave that to MAD.

If it's potentially serious, a marriage counselor is in order; not a bunch of anonymous pixels on a computer screen.

I didn't take it to necessarily be personally attached to any individual here. It was just a scenario, a role play, a hypothetical.

[_beefcalf]

Boy does this ring a lot of bells...

Let's suppose this other completely hypothetical couple were in the same situation you described. And lets say that enough things were said by the my wife to allow the DH to come to this realization:

From the my wife's perspective she would prefer that DH keep going through the motions of being LDS, presenting the correct outward appearance that nothing had changed, saying prayers, giving lessons, accepting speaking assignments, etc, but while not believing any of it, than for him to continue to believe it was all true, but to reduce or cease activity in the church.

That completely hypothetical DH might come to the completely hypothetical conclusion that the prospect of appearing to disbelieve in the church is far worse than actually disbelieving in the church.

I need to point out, in case there is any confusion, that this is all completely NOT autobiographical at all.

Just sayin'

[_ttribe]

That would be me. And Truth Dancer. And Jersey has quite a bit of experience even if she's not professionally trained, just because of her job.

Marriage counselors? Really?

Whoa, nelly! Back up the bus. Do you honestly think we're all scumbags who think nothing of ruining someone's life? We leave that to MAD.

Quit overreacting. Read, again, what I said. This or ANY message board. It's a psychological fact that, on average, we feel less connected to anonymous persons than people we actually know. It's just how our brains work. It takes a lot of effort to overcome that on a consistent basis.

I didn't take it to necessarily be personally attached to any individual here. It was just a scenario, a role play, a hypothetical.

Yeah...totally out of the blue. Just made it up. No roots in a real situation, whatsoever.

[_harmony]

From the my wife's perspective she would prefer that DH keep going through the motions of being LDS, presenting the correct outward appearance that nothing had changed, saying prayers, giving lessons, accepting speaking assignments, etc, but while not believing any of it, than for him to continue to believe it was all true, but to reduce or cease activity in the church.

LDS spend altogether too much time "appearing", which is, of course, completely contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ, since He preached often about the importance of the HEART, which no one but God can see.

my wife is essentially asking/wanting DH to be what she wants him to be, not for him to be true to himself. Essentially she's asking him to live a lie. Essentially, she just told him she loves herself, her position, and the church more than she loves him.

[_zeezrom]

Ttribe,
I was curious what people thought about this issue for I recently heard someone talking about it. Why would I come to MD for such a question? Hmmm. Do you think there might be a few people here that have dealt with belief inequality in a marriage?

[_Gazelam]

Zeezrom,

First let me say that I hope you find a way to repair your faith and return to the church. I hope you have retained a fiath in God and have not stopped praying.

There is a talk given by Matthew Cowley where he addresses this very topic. His advice to the faithful wife was to carry on with her church activity and to remain faithful.

Part of the Abrahamic Covenant is that he will always make the church covenants and their blessings available to those withen the covenant. As she remains faithful the Lord will do his part to repair your faith in him. Make yourself available to the whisperings of the spirit.

All the best
Mike

[_Polygamy-Porter]

What do my wife and DH mean? Divorced Wife and Divorced Husband?

Never would guess that you are a liar, errr I mean lawyer.

Edit to add: I just realized that you are both.

[_Polygamy-Porter]

What do my wife and DH mean? Divorced Wife and Divorced Husband?

I'd say, whatever you do, don't be a damned hyprocrite. That's the worst thing to do. Act consistently with your beliefs. Grow a pair.

Dear wife and dear husband

or maybe you were joking...?

When you say hypocrite, are you talking about my wife or DH?

I agree being a hypocrite is less than satisfactory. A damned one is even worse, whatever that means.

Ignore him, he is working on changing his screen name to MDB (Mormon Douche Bag).