Hoops wrote:You have this wrong, and until you figure this out, you will always be miserable. Every church is full of hypocrites. Absolutely bursting with hypocrites.
+1
Blixa wrote: I'll take a leaf out of Stak's book here, and say the same thing.
It's clear you're hurting. But it's also clear that the reason for that is not some conspiracy of Mormons, women or polynesians.
The fact that you've bought into a ****load of sexist garbage like the "alpha male" claptrap you spout shows how far you are from grasping the conditions you suffer under. The same can be said of your obsession with Mormonism (which is not above criticism, but does not seem to be foundational to your emotional problems in the way you think that it is).
You need better help that you can get from random people on a message board. I know that it is difficult to find good and affordable psychological therapy. But one thing that some of the people on this board can help you with is figuring out where to start with that and what resources may be available to you.
If you ask seriously, you will get useful advice.
+1
Darrick,
This is good advice. Please follow it. You will be much happier once you let your demons go.
"I'm on paid sabbatical from BYU in exchange for my promise to use this time to finish two books."
There are resources available that are affordable and reasonable. This is not about us saying, "Darrick, you're nuts. Get help."
This is recognizing that you have been through some serious psychological and emotional trauma and need professional help working through that trauma. Getting proper medical care for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), which I strongly suspect you are suffering from...and, if not that, something similar, is no different than receiving proper medical care for a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder, etc. Without proper help, you are not going to heal. It's that simple.
If you PM me the state you are in, I would be more than happy to help you research some therapists that might be able to help you. There are programs for those with low income, if money is the issue. I have a lot of students who have gone through the type of trauma you are going through and worse. This is a sincere offer to help.