The Adventures of Officer Mopologist

[_Darth J]

By day, he is a police officer, sworn to protect and to serve. By night, he is a Mormon apologist, dedicated to achieving the Pyrrhic victory of defending the faith-promoting narrative at the expense of believing that the Bretheren know what they are talking about. He is.....

OFFICER MOPOLOGIST!

The following is a transcript of Officer Mopologist making a routine traffic stop. Names have been changed to protect the innocent---and the guilty.

OFFICER: Good afternoon, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?

DRIVER: Umm, you didn't pull me over. I was stopped at this stop sign and then you pulled your car up behind me and turned your lights on.

OFFICER: Sir, it's required by law for you to stop at a stop sign. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cite you.

DRIVER: But I was stopped! I wasn't moving even before you came up behind me!

OFFICER: Sir, we are on a planet that rotates on its axis every 24 hours and revolves around the sun every 365 days. And our whole galaxy is drifting through the universe. The Earth is moving, correct?

DRIVER: Yes, but---

OFFICER: And you are on the Earth, and since the Earth is moving, you are moving even now, correct?

DRIVER: Yes, but---

OFFICER: And you just told me you were not moving, which is a lie. So I am going to cite you for failing to stop at a stop sign and for giving false information to a peace officer.

Tune in next time for more creative interpretations of the law with......

OFFICER MOPOLOGIST!

[Guest]

Officer Mopologist approaches a suspicious zoo keeper. . .


Officer Mopologist: Good evening sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?

Zookeeper: You didn't pull me over Officer. I was just cleaning up the tapir exhibit.

O.M.: Yes that's why I must cite you. You see your exhibit says "TAPIR EXHIBIT" but you seem to have the wrong animals in this exhibit. That's false advertising. I'm going to have to shut down your zoo until you fix this exhibit.

Z: But this is the tapir exhibit! Look the tapir is right over there taking a tapir crap. *motions to tapir in corner of exhibit

O.M. : Yes, well you should also have "HORSE" on the exhibit plaque. Until you have all the names tapirs go by you're not in compliance and will have to shutdown.

Z: Horse? Well we don't have any horses in this zoo. It's a zoo dedicated to pre-Columbian animals.

O.M.: I'm not going to argue with you apostate. Just fix the violations.

Z: Oh no. *tears

[_stemelbow]

Funny thing is, dude, you have it all backwards.

The officer isn't the LDS guy questioning criticism. The officer is the criticizer pulling any old card in order to convict.

that's the funny thing. The sad thing is, you don't even realize it. You actually think the LDS defenders our out to get you, or something.

[_Pollypinks]

Oh goody, we can talk about the fuzz. Pulled me over for slowing down to 20 in a blinking light section by a school only fifty feet before the blinker. Acted incredulous that I didn't know why he stopped me. I told him I had just turned right on the previous block, started to speed up, and then saw the blinking light so I slowed down. He said no no no, you slowed down because you saw me behind you. Said you should have seen the blinking light on the street a block ahead, even though I wasn't driving on the street a block ahead. crap. I'm too old to be the punk's mother, so I just burst out laughing like I was high, and said my kids would get a good laugh out of him. He didn't site me. In my old stomping ground, by St Mary's Catholic church. We called it Vatican City.

[_Darth J]

Funny thing is, dude, you have it all backwards.

The officer isn't the LDS guy questioning criticism. The officer is the criticizer pulling any old card in order to convict.

that's the funny thing. The sad thing is, you don't even realize it.

Discussion question: In what way(s) does stemelbow offer conclusive proof of Poe's law?

You actually think the LDS defenders our out to get you, or something.

That's right. It's not for the lulz. It must be that I am paranoid.

[_jon]

Officer Mo: 'ello, 'ello, 'ello, what's goin' on here then?

Joseph: it's not what it looks like Constable...

Officer Mo: are you all right Miss? Run along now, must be past your bed time and you'll have school in the morning.

Joseph: Errr, an angel told me to do it...and he had a flaming sword

Officer Mo: excuse me sir, but the only sword I can see appears to be meat based...

*Joseph blushes and rearranges his pantaloons*

Joseph: I'm a Prophet of God and God commands me to ask you to hand over your wife to me in marriage

Officer Mo: oh, don't think her in doors would like that idea very much

Joseph: But if you did I can perhaps have a word with the big man upstairs and secure your Eternal salvation...

Officer Mo: are you attempting to bribe me sir?

Joseph: *flustered* errr no constable....I was err....just testing your faith!

Office Mo: Well don't worry sir, I'm sure it's all just a big misunderstanding, come down to the station with me for the night and we'll sort it all out in the morning...

Joseph: how far is the station?

Officer Mo: oh it's not far, just in Carthage...