Ratted out to FLDS ?

[_Chap]

I have always taken care not to refer to my real life identity on this board, and I intend to carry on that way, partly because I like my posts to be judged on their content alone, and partly for reasons of prudence.

But today ... as I looked at the mail at a place where I spend a lot of time, I noticed an envelope labelled in big letters 'Religious Materials', and originating from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Inside it was a four-page leaflet containing a 'revelation' to Warren Jeffs dated November 12 2011, and bearing the superscription 'Jesus Christ, Son Ahman, Speaketh His Full Warning of Judgments to All Nations'. Basically, Jesus is less than pleased with us, and he will soon appear to make this quite plain in certain uncomfortable ways.

Now there is absolutely nothing in any real life profile of mine online or in print to tell people that I even know who Joseph Smith is, let alone Warren Jeffs. The place to which the mail was sent was one that has no religious connections at all, and is quite frankly a very unlikely destination for anything from the FCoJCoLDS (I'd rather not go into detail, but take my word for it). The address on the envelope was a generic one, and did not mention my name.

I suppose I had better chalk it up to coincidence. It had to happen to somebody. Still, I shall be watching the mail with interest and vague apprehension for a while. Has anybody else received one of these documents?

[_Yoda]

Yours is the first I have heard of anything like that.

[_Ceeboo]

Hey Chap,

It had to happen to somebody. Still, I shall be watching the mail with interest and vague apprehension for a while. Has anybody else received one of these documents?

I received something but I could not read it. It appears to be written in some ancient language (The last line of the letter was written in engish though. It said that I would be receiving another letter, within a few weeks, that will have some sort of cipher key enclosed)


Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Chap]

Hey Chap,

It had to happen to somebody. Still, I shall be watching the mail with interest and vague apprehension for a while. Has anybody else received one of these documents?

I received something but I could not read it. It appears to be written in some ancient language (The last line of the letter was written in engish though. It said that I would be receiving another letter, within a few weeks, that will have some sort of cipher key enclosed)


Peace,
Ceeboo

Sounds like the campaign is cranking up.

What's next? A notarized document in Egyptian hieroglyphs informing me that my spouse has been re-allocated to a more worthy representative of the Lord and demanding that I dispatch her forthwith to Palestine, Texas, by FedEx?

Time to go for Concealed Carry, do you think?

[_Ceeboo]

Sounds like the campaign is cranking up.

What's next? A notarized document in Egyptian hieroglyphs informing me that my spouse has been re-allocated to a more worthy representative of the Lord and demanding that I dispatch her forthwith to Palestine, Texas, by FedEx?

You can ship a wife via FedEx? (Hmmmmmmm?) :)

Time to go for Concealed Carry, do you think?

Perhaps a Super-Soaker would be enough.


Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Sethbag]

You can ship a wife via FedEx? (Hmmmmmmm?) :)

You just have to make sure there are holes in the box so she can breathe. ;-)

To the OP: Jesus Christ, Son Ahman? What does that mean? Sure sounds like the kind of religiobabble Joseph Smith would use to dress up his proclamations as the words of deity all right. Warren Jeffs sure does provide a continuation of the practice and style of Joseph's revelatory flimflamous asshattery.

Chap: you lucked out to be the one chosen from the world to receive the words of Jesus Christ, Son Ahman via his VP of Operations Warren Jeffs. That's certainly more special than me. I only happened to win a United Nations grant of $300 million, and was contacted by a former oil minister of Libya asking my help to transfer out a large sum of money that he was being wrongly denied. Oh yeah, and I was selected to go in to my local Nissan dealer to go in and receive special discounts at a large sales event they were holding recently.

Still, you got Son Ahman. That's pretty cool.

[_Ceeboo]

Hey Seth

You can ship a wife via FedEx? (Hmmmmmmm?) :)

You just have to make sure there are holes in the box so she can breathe. ;-)

Are the holes mandatory? Or simply an option? :)

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Darth J]

Chap: I know someone else who is getting these packets of revelations. I'll PM you if you want to know the criteria for the FLDS Church sending these out. It has nothing to do with them stalking you or thinking you are a potential convert (although I'm sure you would be quite a catch for any denomination).

To the OP: Jesus Christ, Son Ahman? What does that mean? Sure sounds like the kind of religiobabble Joseph Smith would use to dress up his proclamations as the words of deity all right. Warren Jeffs sure does provide a continuation of the practice and style of Joseph's revelatory flimflamous asshattery.

D&C 78:20

Wherefore, do the things which I have commanded you, saith your Redeemer, even the Son Ahman, who prepareth all things before he taketh you;

D&C 95:17

And let the higher part of the inner court be dedicated unto me for the school of mine apostles, saith Son Ahman; or, in other words, Alphus; or, in other words, Omegus; even Jesus Christ your Lord. Amen.

The Journal of Discourses explains that in the pure Adamic language, God's name is "Ahman," Jesus' name is "Son Ahman," the name of men is "Sons Ahman," and the name of angels is "Anglo-man." (Because angels are from England.)

[_Some Schmo]

Chap: you lucked out to be the one chosen from the world to receive the words of Jesus Christ, Son Ahman via his VP of Operations Warren Jeffs. That's certainly more special than me. I only happened to win a United Nations grant of $300 million, and was contacted by a former oil minister of Libya asking my help to transfer out a large sum of money that he was being wrongly denied. Oh yeah, and I was selected to go in to my local Nissan dealer to go in and receive special discounts at a large sales event they were holding recently.

Still, you got Son Ahman. That's pretty cool.

LOL

It's kind of sad that any time someone informs me that I've won something, I immediately ask, "What are you selling?"