Turning the Unhealthy, Mormon Community into a Healthy One

[_zeezrom]

Below, is a list of traits we might use to define an unhealthy community. Rather than give you the list and explain why I think each item of the list manifests itself in the Mormon community, I would like to propose ways to combat each of these traits, in the chance that they do manifest. Following each trait, I list (a.) a possible example of a manifestation in the Mormon community and (b.) a possible way to expel the trait from your life while staying in the Mormon community as an active participant.

My objective is to provide a draft roadmap for those that feel compelled to stay involved in the community but desire membership within a healthy community at the same time. I please ask for your comments/questions/criticisms so long as you promise not to derail or get off in a firestorm of the weeds (you know who you are). Please comment! Please be concise!

Thank you.

1. Encourages the violation of personal ethics or encourages deception to prove loyalty to the group
a. TRI: A person is rewarded for lying to the bishop about his/her worthiness for a TR than being open and honest.
b. Don’t lie. Tell the bishop straight up. Don’t be afraid of not holding a TR. Be strong! Tell him the whole idea of a TRI is BS and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is an asswipe.

2. Encourages the relinquishment of personal responsibility for actions
a. Tithing: In paying a full tithe (10% of gross income), many families forego retirement savings out of necessity. Blame can be put on unrelated, external factors as an excuse for not having a retirement savings.
b. Define tithing in a way that makes it possible to meet your retirement needs, enjoy a sufficient discretionary spending budget for the family, and pay the bills for operating the local ward (lights, heating, paper, etc.).

3. Restricts access to outside people or information
a. Correlation: Reading material besides that which is “sanctioned” or correlated is not encouraged. Sanctioned material is always emphasized as better material than any other.
b. Say, “Screw you!” to anything related to correlation. Bring Todd Compton’s book to Sunday School and read aloud from Journal of Discourses at as many opportunities as you see fit for the moment.

4. Inhibits critical thinking so that "group think" predominates, and many subjects are taboo for discussion
a. Correlation: There is no place within the church to meet openly to discuss issues such as: troubling church history, guilt and shame layered on youth regarding sexuality, homosexuality, and any other topic of sensitive nature. All discussions in Sunday school and Priesthood/Sisterhood classes are encouraged to stay on the correlated path.
b. Put a sign up sheet in the foyer for an “uncorrelated class” held every second Tuesday at 8:00 pm in the Relief Society room. Invite the bishop and Relief Society president (since they both hold equal power in the local Mormon community!)

5. Restricts the ability to leave the group
a. Temple: Those that do not participate actively and believe in similar manner are restricted from entering the pinnacle of religious worship: the temple. Out of fear of losing that relationship with the group, members have a reduced ability to leave the group.
b. Practice going back and forth between holding a TR and not holding a TR, just to prove to everyone that you are not afraid to lose your temple worthiness stamp of approval.

6. Restricts privacy
a. Bishopric meetings: Information that is released to bishops is often spilled to his counselors and other auxiliary leaders during closed Sunday meetings. The private information of the members is not secure.
b. Don’t give any private, personal information to the bishop. If he asks you what you believe about God and you don’t feel it is necessary to share it, tell him, “That’s none of your damn business what I believe.” If he asks whether or not you keep the WofW, you tell him you keep your own damn WofW. If he says you can’t have a TR with that version of the WofW you tell him, “Shut up, [explicit content removed]. My WofW is way better than yours!”

7. Uses intense indoctrination
a. Correlation: Indoctrination is the process of inculcating ideas, attitudes, and cognitive strategies. It is often distinguished from education by the fact that the indoctrinated person is expected not to question or critically examine the doctrine they have learned. Never are adults expected or encouraged to question doctrine or teachings.
b. Every time someone tries to say something is "doctrine," just repeat the words stated by GBH during his interview with 60 minutes.

8. Demands absolute obedience
a. Absolute obedience is implied in many teachings, like this: “We too should be willing to do anything God requires. The Prophet Joseph Smith said, ‘I made this my rule: When the Lord commands, do it’” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith [2007], 160). From the Gospel Principles manual. Members who what to take the core teachings seriously, tend to internalize this to a point which demands the unobtainable: absolute obedience.
b. Realize that absolute obedience died with the ascension of the manifesto of 1890. Absolute obedience is not required on anyone, at any time. It is a myth. Keep telling yourself that and repeat it as necessary.

9. Applies intense pressure towards group conformity
a. Cultural conformity: Recently, I tried going to church without a tie, and a non-white shirt. My kids were in jeans and nice shirts. I felt an intense pressure to look like everyone else in the group.
b. Continue to dress differently than everyone else. Never wear a white shirt and tie to church. Wear shorts and sandals in the summer and dress your children in school clothes.

10. Demands stereotyped behavior physically and/or psychologically -- the "assembly line" effect ("cloning")
a. Garments: Members are encouraged to dress to specific standards, making everyone look the same.
b. Put a pair of garments on a pole in your bedroom and observe it like a shrine every Sunday morning. Doing this ritual will remind you of the special (not secret) covenants you made.

11. Encourages over-dependency
a. After leaving the church for a year, we are unsure of how to build up our own social network. Thinking about how to do it without the help of the church feels daunting at times.
b. Make it a point to make friends with people besides just Mormons.

12. Manipulates feelings in a conscious way
a. Missionary program: missionaries are encouraged to ask investigators about their feelings and link those feelings to truth of their words.
b. Discourage your children from serving a mission with all the power of your being.

13. Appeals to fear of not being saved or enlightened
a. Ordinances: References are often made by leadership to the importance of priesthood ordinances, without which, the family would not be together forever.
b. Flip the bird (secretly) as you pass the baptism font in the stake center. This will remind you that ordinances will not keep a family together but that more practical things keep a family together.

14. Appeals to greed
a. City Creek mall: There is a perception that the church is more interested in investing in business than in its own people. There is also a perception that church leadership consists mainly of wealthy businessmen. For those people who aspire to be like their mentors in the church, we might suspect the church generally appeals to greed.
b. Ensure that you don’t pay more tithing than sufficient to keep the lights on in your local ward.

15. Appeals to power
a. Priesthood leadership: There will always be a desire for some to climb the priesthood leadership ladder if it is known that positions are available for the taking. It may be perceived by some that these positions hold power over others in the group. This creates an appeal to power.
b. Always refer to the bishop by his first name. Make sure he understands that he must always get permission from you before saying anything to your children. Never let priesthood leaders visit alone with your children.

16. Appeals to the glamour of being the elect
a. Basic doctrines: The basic doctrines of the church seem to teach us that being baptized in the Mormon church make you in some way elect from the rest of the population. This is emphasized throughout the teachings and practices of the church.
b. Go to other churches from time to time. Embrace and enjoy the differences. Remind yourself that LDS is generally not as good as most other churches but still has some “Dehlin-goodness” about it.

17. Appeals to vanity and flattery of the ego
a. Priesthood: men and boys are taught that the priesthood they hold is more meaningful than the authority of the kings of the earth.
b. Ordain your daughters to the priesthood. After seeing how easy it is to ordain people, realize that most of the world’s population already has the “priesthood.”

18. Uses guilt, humiliation to control behavior
a. Temple worthiness: The fear of losing a TR causes a person to feel guilt and control their behavior.
b. Get up in F&TM and explain to the ward members how they might as well get used to the fact that we don’t plan to participate at the same level as most others so they might as well get used to it, talk about it for a week, get it out of their systems, then get on their way.

19. Plays on low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy
a. Self-worth: those that are more susceptible to low self-esteem tend to take teachings on guilt and shame more seriously than others, causing a cycle of self-esteem issues. Measuring one’s self up to others around them is easy to do when you can tell who is worthy to do certain rituals and who is not or you can see who gets important callings and who does not.
b. Preach as often as possible that self-worth is extremely valuable. Preach that independent thought is necessary and criticize priesthood leaders with healthy repetition. Teach your kids about the God that inspires you. Refrain from teaching them about the God of Joseph Smith. Teach your kids that Joseph Smith was a horrible example of a father and don't believe a single thing he said. Teach your children to question statements made by priesthood leaders. Teach them that some things which are taught, are useful, while other things are horrific.

20. Uses high-pressure sales pitches and plays on loyalty of friends to attract members
a. Missionary teaching methods: The current Preach My Gospel manual is full of high-pressure sales techniques, playing on emotions of the investigator, and even manipulation techniques.
b. Do missionary work but never, ever, under any circumstances, use words to do it. (I borrowed that from a Catholic, haha.)

[_Buffalo]

Zeez, these are great thoughts. Just bumping this up to the top!