Why God Must Be Black

[_Sethbag]

Beastie, the cat's name is brilliant. Where'd the Rosewood come from?

[_Zoidberg]

If the LDS church is correct, and God is a man with a glorified body who created God in his image, then God must be black.

Most LDS are at least willing to give a cursory nod to science and try to incorporate it into their belief system (most, I said, most). Science has pretty conclusively demonstrated that our ancestors came from Africa and were black. So if there were some "Adam and Eve", they lived in Africa and were black.

God created "man" in his own image, which, to LDS, means that his body looks like ours.

Hence, God is black.

I was told by a Seventy that black people will turn white in the afterlife because the curse will be removed. He's in for a nice surprise when he finds himself in his new black resurrected body. He was also hoping to have a couple wives in the afterlife since he remarried after his 1st died... I wonder what he'll say when he finds out he'll actually have to share one of his wives with a couple other guys because of the excess of men in the Celestial Kingdom.

[_beastie]

Does that mean he can vote now?

No, he still has to prove he's a property owner.

Beastie, the cat's name is brilliant. Where'd the Rosewood come from?

FINALLY! Thank you! The props I was so openly seeking!

My bf and I are both Dr. Who fans - the sci time traveler who goes on adventures with a human companion, a young woman named Rose. Rose recently left the show and my bf is in mourning because he adored her. At first he just wanted to name the kitty Rose, but I informed him if he named this kitty Rose, I would name my next kitty Josh after Josh Bernstein, my own celebrity crush. But actually I did like the name Rose for her aside from my teasing objection, but we amended it for two reasons - when the cat was first turned in to the shelter, the lady who found her thought she was male and named her "woody". (I didn't ask) In addition, she's black with a beautiful, kind of mink-like brownish cast which reminded us of the actual wood called rosewood. Hence, Rosewood.

Aren't we terribly clever? I know we think so.

It's actually disgusting, the way we babble over this cat like it's our newborn baby or something. But we can't help ourselves, having God Almighty in our house (well, technically, his house, but I'm there a lot) is such a blessing. ;)

I was told by a Seventy that black people will turn white in the afterlife because the curse will be removed. He's in for a nice surprise when he finds himself in his new black resurrected body. He was also hoping to have a couple wives in the afterlife since he remarried after his 1st died... I wonder what he'll say when he finds out he'll actually have to share one of his wives with a couple other guys because of the excess of men in the Celestial Kingdom.

Heh. It almost makes me wish Mormonism were true, just to enjoy this blowback in the next life, but that would be like hoping the world really turned out to be bizarro-land.

[_Dr. Shades]

(and for you fellow geeks, rose in honor of the Dr's former companion, whom my boyfriend loooooves)

Forgive me, but I am totally confused by the above sentence. Can you please rephrase it for me?

[_christopher]

If the LDS church is correct, and God is a man with a glorified body who created God in his image, then God must be black.

We understand that when God made man in his own image and pronounced him very good, that he made him white. We have no record of any of God's favored servants being of a black race...every angel who ever brought a message of God's mercy to man was beautiful to look upon, clad in the purest white and with a countenance bright as the noonday sun. (Juvenile Instructor, Vol. 3, page 157, October 15, 1868)

[_beastie]

beastie wrote:
(and for you fellow geeks, rose in honor of the Dr's former companion, whom my boyfriend loooooves)



Forgive me, but I am totally confused by the above sentence. Can you please rephrase it for me?

Obviously you're not a fellow geek.

This is in reference to a BBC show called "Dr. Who". Dr. Who is the main character, who is normally called The Doctor. He is a human looking alien, a time lord, a member of a species that could manipulate time and space. His species was exterminated and he is the sole remaining (well, there may be another, but that's another series). So he travels through time in a contraption that looks like a old fashioned phone booth. For *some reason*, he likes to take along a human companion on his travels, and the most recent one was a young english girl named Rose (played by Billie Piper).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/

It's a great show, worth checking out.

[_beastie]

We understand that when God made man in his own image and pronounced him very good, that he made him white. We have no record of any of God's favored servants being of a black race...every angel who ever brought a message of God's mercy to man was beautiful to look upon, clad in the purest white and with a countenance bright as the noonday sun. (Juvenile Instructor, Vol. 3, page 157, October 15, 1868)

Presentism!! ;)

[_Sam Harris]

If the LDS church is correct, and God is a man with a glorified body who created God in his image, then God must be black.

Most LDS are at least willing to give a cursory nod to science and try to incorporate it into their belief system (most, I said, most). Science has pretty conclusively demonstrated that our ancestors came from Africa and were black. So if there were some "Adam and Eve", they lived in Africa and were black.

God created "man" in his own image, which, to LDS, means that his body looks like ours.

Hence, God is black.

In honor of this, my boyfriend and I named his new kitten (who is incredibly adorable and sweet and completely black except for one tiny white heart on her throat and I'm mad she lives at his house instead of mine, but I have two crazy cats already) Ellie Rose.

Actually, her name is Elohim Rosewood God Almighty, Creator of the Universe.

But we call her Ellie Rose, Ellie for short.

(and for you fellow geeks, rose in honor of the Dr's former companion, whom my boyfriend loooooves)

My boyfriend's former cat was called Sweet Baby Jesus, Friend of Holy Ghost. She was born on Christmas day.

She was called Holy Ghost for short. She was a perfect cat who died after a very long life a year ago, so we wanted to continue the blasphemous tradition.

But back to my original point - God is black. If the LDS church is "true", I can't wait to see all the white Mormons' faces. And can't wait to hear them explain the priesthood ban.

Of course, I'll be listening from a lower kingdom, but I'm banking on the internet.

OMG, firstly, the cat names rock...but secondly, power to the people, man!!!!

*pumps fist*

I like your logic, now if I'd had that to say during my LDS days....LOL!!!

[_Sam Harris]

I made that argument over at FAIR a few years back and many insisted that Humans did not come from Africa.

LOL, I remember that conversation!!!

[_Sam Harris]

I don't think they would have taken God being black none too seriously either. They know he is nordic from the pictures.

Although I admit the real purpose behind my thread was to brag about our beautiful new kitty and her clever name (oh, come on, now, Elohim is a great name for a cat! They know they're gods anyway!), if I were serious about an anthropomorphic god creating human beings to look like him physically, I would have to believe he was black. And of course Jesus was at the very least olive skinned.

No wonder minorities get so PO'd at the white majority. We even created god in our own image, against all common sense.

Now, back to the real topic. Isn't our kitty's name cute? ;)

Have you ever seen the book, Bad Cat? I love that book? What about www.mycathatesyou.com ?

That website is hilarious, those cats just look so ticked.

When I get my own place, I'm getting a kitty...but I want a hairless one, a friend of mine has one, he's cool...