Wolves and Sheep

[_Yong Xi]

LDS who distance themselves from former or inactive members are just afraid. I make it a point to always smile and wave to them first, which normally softens most people. LDS, however, seem to become confused and don't know how to respond. It's a great tragedy for them that they are unable to break through that wall they have built up. There is no future in separating themselves from others, but they persist out of fear.

I am embarrassed to say that I used to treat ex-members and nonmembers how I am now treated. I am attempting to make up for that poor behavior by pro-actively treating everyone with respect, particularly my Mormon neighbors. Maybe someday it will become natural for me. For me, to become reconciled with my Mormon past, I must become reconciled with Mormons. Although I now find many Mormon (and Christian) beliefs to be bizarre, I try to remind myself that Mormons, just like most people, are trying survive in a world that is both wonderful and cruel. I just wish they weren't so fearful of others. People are good.

[_Inconceivable]

LDS who distance themselves from former or inactive members are just afraid. I make it a point to always smile and wave to them first, which normally softens most people...

You make some excellent points Yong.

I didn't grow up in Mesa but in a large town where many of my friends were not LDS (& some apostate) so I never really witnessed this phenomenon before.

Yet while a TBM, I had deep seated stereotypical beliefs about people who strayed or rejected the "truth" (including all of my siblings that "fell away" years before. I had it all worked out. You know, "they lost the spirit" and are "influenced more by Satan". I was admittedly wary of some because there were those that did make dramatic changes in their lifestyles. But that didn't change their value to me as a human being.

My wife has begun to lose faith in the "church" in part by witnessing how she and our children have been treated apparently on account of me. No one asks about me at church. She is rarely greeted anymore. She's only been given visit teaching assignments to women with inactive husbands for the past 2 years. Some friends of my daughter's haven't come over for just as long, but she goes to their homes.

[_Inconceivable]

But you can look at it from the perspective of them with their busy schedules. If they take their free time to associate at Church activities and campouts, they might be left with no free time to hang around outside of Church related activities.

Is there something stopping you from associating with them at Church related activities, even though you do not attend meetings? To some extent a lot may feel as though you have turned your back on them as much as you feel they have turned their back on you.

Especially if you stop going to the gatherings where you would normally associate with them. It can easily be seen as a sign that you do not want to be around them.

Like I said, though, I don't know the situation.

Are you really a lost sheep? Or do you stay away intentionally?

Quakes (I get the impression that you are a TBM),

Great questions. No.

Being busy and scheduling is the lame excuse. I really thought I had some genuine friends. My ideals have not changed. Only the bishop, EQP or stake president knew of my concerns. No one else has ever sought me out to verify my status. I taught their young men and was respected as a friend by the boys. I taught the ward Gospel Doctrine and they knew me. I visited them in their homes while in the EQP. I bore witness to them of things I thought were true. It appeared at the time that there was more than this that bound us together.

No, I haven't turned my back on them. I've attended a few of the activities with my wife but no one wants to know what's up from me. I haven't been given the opportunity to reject their kindness.

If I were in their shoes I ought to be a "lost sheep". I've been a Mormon "sheep" all my life. How does one morph into a wolf? I have not taken on a wicked or decieptful countenance. I would be considered a "dry Mormon" if no one knew I was already one. What you see is what you get.

Perhaps I am a lost sheep from the True Shepherd presently. But I do know now that Mormonism is certainly not the call of His voice.

[_Inconceivable]

..a goat

...a pony

...T-rex.

eeeeiiiiiieeeeiiiiioooooooooooooo.


quack quack.

[_beastie]

I do think that members are probably more apt to "Reach out" to those who aren't actually disaffected from actual LDS teachings and history but are simply inactive for other reasons. It's more stressful to reach out to someone who has actually studied church history and teachings and flat out criticizes those things. For one thing, many members simply have not studied these things, and feel out of their element. And, yes, I think it can be frightening to them.

Years ago I was visited by some missionaries. They said they were just tracting in the area, had no idea I was a member. Since I'd been visited by missionaries before who knew I used to be Mormon, I was a bit suspicious of that claim, but who knows. I was very friendly to the missionaries, offered them food and drink, and we ended up having a long discussion about why I left the church. The conversation ended up focusing on the problems of the Book of Mormon. The elders felt certain that they could provide evidence supporting the Book of Mormon, and I was willing to read anything they brought to me as long as they agreed to read B.H. Robert's Book of Mormon Studies. They agreed to do so, and left. One of the elders was so certain he would reconvert me he "prophesied" he would personally baptize me.

I never saw them again.

Knowing how missionaries usually don't fail to follow through on ANY contact that gives them the slightest hope, I often wondered why they just never showed up again. I suspect that they were forbidden to read BH Roberts and may have been told to leave me alone. I have no evidence for that, just the fact that they never showed up again, and missionaries ALWAYS show up again, once contact is "open".

[_harmony]

The elders felt certain that they could provide evidence supporting the Book of Mormon, and I was willing to read anything they brought to me as long as they agreed to read B.H. Robert's Book of Mormon Studies. They agreed to do so, and left. One of the elders was so certain he would reconvert me he "prophesied" he would personally baptize me.

I never saw them again.

Knowing how missionaries usually don't fail to follow through on ANY contact that gives them the slightest hope, I often wondered why they just never showed up again. I suspect that they were forbidden to read BH Roberts and may have been told to leave me alone. I have no evidence for that, just the fact that they never showed up again, and missionaries ALWAYS show up again, once contact is "open".

They could have been transferred, gone home, lost the address, gotten sick, etc. Or the book wasn't on the allowed reading list and when they asked their MP about it, they were immediately banned from ever talking to you again. Next time, you might recommend the Satanic Bible!

[_beastie]

Or the book wasn't on the allowed reading list and when they asked their MP about it, they were immediately banned from ever talking to you again.

I think this is the most likely possibility.

[_Livingstone22]

Most of the time, people are inactive because they do not want to participate in the church, its activities, or its doctrines....and that should be respected. There are many out there who do not want to be a part and are tired of leaders or missionaries contacting them--sometimes there is a "DNC" (do not contact) designation next to their name on the ward roster; it was this way in one of my wards, and I wondered why they were even still members. So, my first reaction to your predicament is that people are respecting what you want to do. If you went to church or called the bishop saying that you might like some company or fellowship, he would be happy to help as he could.

My second reaction to your predicament is that people are naturally selfish and too worried about themselves to take notice. It's not the ideal, but we need to not be surprised when this happens. Sometimes, people just don't think about fellow ward members because their favorite television program is on, perhaps their 15 kids are all nuts and need constant attention, or perhaps it's like it is in my singles ward where the members are too busy with dating, school, and work to even give one second to consider thinking about maybe doing home teaching.

If you desire participation (mild or total), call someone up and tell them that you might like fellowship

[_Trevor]

I'm like the "Cypher in the Snow," if you remember that fine movie. If I dropped down dead in the snow, people in the ward would wonder who the hell I was.

And here I had you pegged for Mr. Krueger.

[_Trevor]

Sorry to gloat, but I love not going to Church. For those of you who attend for marital peace, my condolences to you. I am grateful that I get no attention from the LDS Church. My wife inadvertently helped me out there when she spilled the beans about me attending the Community of Christ for a while. They gave up any attempts to win be back. I never saw the bishop again! And you know what? I do not miss socializing with other Mormon offline, excepting a couple of friends, one iota.