Found the truth, what next?

[_Hoops]

If I were you, I would PM Ceeboo and ask some pointed, literal, specific questions. And ask for his advice. Ceeboo is probably the most gracious and smartest person on this board.

[_Yahoo Bot]

Don't be a flippin' flamin' coward and hypocrite by being one thing to your ward and a different anonymous person here. Be consistent and above-board, not a groveling worm afraid of his wife and shadow.

Like many or most here, I might add.

[_Shulem]

Don't be a flippin' flamin' coward and hypocrite by being one thing to your ward and a different anonymous person here. Be consistent and above-board, not a groveling worm afraid of his wife and shadow.

Like many or most here, I might add.

This is a pretty good example of how so-called faithful members often treat others when they fall away from the church -- with utter contempt and lack of love. Welcome to the other side of Mormonism -- which is a religion filled with deep hatred for those who question its truthfulness.

Mormonism is a cult.

Paul O

[_Willy Law]

Don't be a flippin' flamin' coward and hypocrite

Told ya

[_Jonah]

LOL!! First off, don't take advice from anyone who uses the term "flippin'".

If your wife is that into the church, don't drop a bomb on her. She'll end up defending her beliefs no matter how weak they are. Take things slow and easy. I tend to follow the church's...plant the seed...give her "milk" before "meat"...be there to help her nurture and support a strong ex-mo testimony.

Good luck.

[_moksha]

.

I'm trying to guage my wife's interest in the church, she's always been strong in the church, but I think she enjoys the social aspects of it the most, but also she just doesn't know any other way to live her life other than the way the church teaches.

If your wife won't join you in your new found awareness, then I would suggest finding some symbolic truths to the Church to which you can agree. I do not like the idea of marriages breaking up over this sort of thing.

[_Ceeboo]

If I were you, I would PM Ceeboo and ask some pointed, literal, specific questions. And ask for his advice. Ceeboo is probably the most gracious and smartest person on this board.

Well, while I am not convinced about the "most gracious" part, there is no doubt that I am, without exception, the smartest person on this board. :) :)

On a slightly more serious note, threads like this in real life one (and similar ones I have read over the years) have/do always seem to force me to evaluate my participation, my reasons for posting, and my treatment of others as I bang away at the letter keys as I often do.

Among other things, it is an extremely valuable reminder that there are real people/families that exist at the other end of what is often discussed on these boards.

Humbling, to be sure.

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_honorentheos]

Thanks for the replies. Just trying to figure out what to do. In so many ways the knowledge I have makes me feel so free and happy now. But the family issue makes it so complicated. In addition to my wife, my family and my wife's family are very strong in the church.

I'm trying to gauge my wife's interest in the church, she's always been strong in the church, but I think she enjoys the social aspects of it the most, but also she just doesn't know any other way to live her life other than the way the church teaches.

I love my wife deeply, and without the church, we wouldn't have even met, so I am grateful for that aspect. However, it appears the church's message to marry early creates a barrier to leaving the church to those that find the truth.

Hi Winston,

Your position sounds familiar to one I was once in. I feel very fortunate that my wife and I eventually found ourselves together and stronger as a couple on the other end of belief in the Church.

One thing that resonated with me most in your posts is the feeling of "pure light and knowledge" that seems to come with letting down the walls that have held back the tide of denial. It's a good feeling. I don't know if you went through a period of anger, confusion, or other strong negative emotions before getting here, but I know I did. I hope you remember that the path will probably be just as thorny and dark for your wife. She won't be able to just jump in where you are.

Anyway, what Scottie said was not bad advice. I would go with "Mormon Enigma" myself because it's about Emma Smith and the book is not generally seen as "anti-Mormon". Most members have heard of "No Man Knows My History" and would see it as something to be avoided. I personally think Bushman's book isn't honest enough. It's very hard to read about how Emma was treated, especially during the beginning of polygamy, and not come away with a tinged view of Joseph. As a woman, I suspect she would not want her husband to treat her that way, either. It doesn't just admit that Joseph practiced polygamy as Rough Stone Rolling does, it gives it a very human, and hurt, face in Emma Smith. If your wife will read that with you, she may be open to reading "In Sacred Loneliness" next. I think anyone who reads both books and still considers Joseph Smith a prophet has no heart.

Which brings me to my last point - more than anything, remember that as a member your love of your wife had been connected to your faithfulness whenever it has been mentioned. I forgot this myself for a brief period and was very fortunate that my wife basically asked me if my growing disbelief in the church was in any way a sign that I was not in love with her anymore. It hit me that she was seeing in this a sense I may not want to be with her forever and she was more confused by where my feelings might be than the church's truthfulness. I hope that your relationship is strong. And I hope you can find ways to demonstrate to your wife that she is always the most important thing to you. In the end, whatever happens I think it will be for the best if you both can arrive there together.

Ok, I lied, one last point - I think it helps you and everyone around you if you can also find good things that you have gained from the church that you would keep in yourself. Make a list of those things. It could be anything. But you need to feel it. If you can do this, and I think everyone has something that their life in the church gave them worth keeping even if they don't think so, it will help her and any other members in your life see you are not becoming some dark "other" version of yourself. They may even begin to see the growth and "light" you feel.

Best wishes,

Honor Entheos

[Guest]

So, like many of you, I found out that I have spent all my life believing a lie. It has a been a long journey and I write all the details, but here is a few things that lead me here:

1. Prop 8. I was living in California when this happened. It was unbelivable how much time and resources was put into this by the church. Everyone in my ward was basically forced to man phone stations and go around knocking doors to promote this. Promotion of this happened in sacrament meeting, sunday school, and priesthood/relief society. It was the least spirtual thing I have ever been a part of. People would bear their testimonies about all the evil things that would happen if this did not pass (Gasp! Their children might know that there are homosexuals in the world. Guess what? They already know.) I did not participate in this, as I believed it was not my role to force anyone to vote a specific way on this and was basically chastized for this. It worked out for some though, the guy that was in charge of the Prop 8 efforts was made bishop right after the prop passed.

2. All the historical inaccuracies. Too many too list. Book of Abraham, Book of Mormon inconsistencies, Joseph Smith using a rock in a hat to translate the Book of Mormon, polygamy, blacks banned from the priesthood, controversial and very weird things said by the prophets (men on the moon, Kolob, etc.), the temple and masonary. And it wasn't necessarily the inaccuracies, it was the fact that the church goes to such a great length to hide these and present such a pure history and tell all the members not to bother looking at any non-church sanctioned materials in the research. When I read about all the aweful FLDS pologamy stuff and how they all bore testimony of Joseph Smith, it made me interested in the LDS polygamy history, so I looked into it, found nothing from the official church sources, so I went to other church history (not anti-mormon literature, just legitimate history) and was appalled by what I found. It just snowballed from there. I knew there was stuff out there, but it is amazing how much is there. The fact that the church covers this up just makes it look even worse.

3. Where did all the prophesying go? You look at church history and Joseph Smith was always receiving revelations and prophesying about something, other earlier prophets did the same to some extent. Today, the prophet barely acknolwedges that he is a prophet. And instead of receiving some great revelation and general conference, you get a story of how some guy prayed for a quarter to buy some fried chicken. Yet despite this, we are required to blindly follow the church leaders.

4. Elitism and pride. I think it is funny how the church talks so much about avoiding pride, but pretty much every lesson is about how we are so blessed and better than everyone else in the world because we have the truth and we receive blessings that no one else can. That is all I keep hearing in church.

5. Finances. The church expects me every year to declare that I have paid a full tithe when I have no idea what they use it for. There is no financial transperency. And with all the for-profit ventures the church has, it just doesn't seem like something the one and true church should be doing. My wife had to get a job so that we could afford some of the things we needed, however, if we didn't have to pay as much tithing as we did she would not have had to do so.

6. I gave the Mormon promise a last try. I was reading the Book of Mormon and praying, telling God to manifest the truth to me because I was going to make a drastic decision if I did not have a witness of the truth. One day while I was reading the Book of Mormon, I realized that it was poorly written and seemed to be a rip off of the Bible and I wasn't getting anything out of it. That is when I realized I was no longer a believing Mormon anymore. And since then, I have felt like I am receiving so much light and knowldge and feel much better about myself, very similiar to how the church descrbies the feelings one should feel when they are in the church.

There is a lot more, but I think that is enough. I just need to figure out what to do next. I am married and my wife is very into the church. In the past any time there has been an questions about the church she has maintained that we are not supposed to question the church. I desperately want her to know what I know because I think it will make us both happier. However, I know the church teaches loyalty to the church first and am afraid of the consequences of what will happen when I bring this up to her. Any advice on how I should proceed?

Thanks.

I have many things to say about this as my wife and i have been negotiating our participating in the LDS church for 5 years now...

That said, don't listen to any advise given by YB - he is a crazy old man who has committed his life to Mormonism and was too stupid to remain anonymous on the internet. He is a bitter, jealous grandpa who wishes he had the freedom that ex-mo's/anony-mo's have and is now trying to use his internet incompetence as a way to make those of us that have left the church feel bad...

Once i get back from europe, i hope to respond to your situation as it sounds very similar to mine....

[_sock puppet]

I'm a believing TBM so I'm not sure I have anything to offer.

No, stem, that is not the reason you have nothing to offer.