LDS Folk Proverbs and other such words of wisdom

[_zeezrom]

If you go to the dance in that miniskirt,
You'll find your heavenly home in a yurt.

It hasn't been used much but I plan to use it with my daughter.

Like it! However, I would gladly live in a yurt!

So would she!

[_Blixa]

Well, I suppose all Three Nephite stories would fall under this rubric.

In fact there's a thread devoted to them over at MDD right now. Strangely, though, none of the anecdotes yet offered are true Three Nephite stories: the Three are supposed to appear, usually singly, and help someone. All the stories there are about a relative helping some random homeless person. This seems to be a complete inversion of the trope.

Myself, I've always liked the Zeke Johnson story recounted by Austin and Alta Fife in their book on Mormon folklore, Saints of Sage and Saddle:

Well, I rented a piece of ground to plant corn on and it had been cleared but never plowed before. As I was plowing it I turned up remnants of old Indian buildings and I saw I was a-disturbing several burials. In about the middle of the patch the plowshare turns out a complete set of bones of a child ‘bout nine or ten years old. Them bones was in bad shape but they was all present.

So I calls ‘whoa’ to the horses and turns ‘round and looks about two minutes at them bones. And right before my eyes they moved together and took on a fresh bone color. And then I seed the marrow and the sinews and muscles and joints and juices of the body all come together and the skin come and cover it. And so right there in the furrow I saw a-laying on its side the beautiful body of a young girl with black hair parted in the middle. And just as she stood up I saw a white dress come across her shoulders and she was so pretty that I got off the plow and reached to take her in my arms. And when I did that, by jove, she wasn’t there no more!

I’ve decided it must be this way…That little girl had been put in a shallow grave ‘cause it was winter and the ground was frozen or else maybe they didn’t have no tools to dig in the hard ground with. Well, her grieving mother begins to think how she’d be eaten up by the first coyote that comes along. And just to set her poor broken heart to rest a man having the priesthood comes and tells her not to worry none about it ‘cause the first time that her sweet little body was disturbed in any way she would be resurrected. And I allowed nothing had ever touched that innocent little girl ‘til my plowshare came along and dug her up.

You can also find a longer, and I'm guessing later, re-telling from Zeke Johnson here.

The Austin and Alta Fife papers are housed at Utah State University. There is a large photo archive in the papers that I am dying to spend time with.

[_moksha]

Those pesky psychiatrists always try to trap you with, "People that live in glass houses shouldn't through bricks". That is sensationalist hooey cooked up by stock manipulating exmormons trying to dilute the value of LDS investments in Dow Corning. So there, blew your scam!!! Take that back to your so called "mental health" pill pushers. We will stick with Cleon Skousen and homepathy if you don't mind.

[Guest]

Fake it til you make it.

[_Buffalo]

Those pesky psychiatrists always try to trap you with, "People that live in glass houses shouldn't through bricks". That is sensationalist hooey cooked up by stock manipulating exmormons trying to dilute the value of LDS investments in Dow Corning. So there, blew your scam!!! Take that back to your so called "mental health" pill pushers. We will stick with Cleon Skousen and homepathy if you don't mind.

[_Hades]

God helps those who help themselves.

Ok, if I'm going to help myself, what do I need God for?

If you pulled into a service station and the sign read, "Our attendants serve those who serve themselves", wouldn't you wonder, "What the hell does that mean"?

[_Buffalo]

God helps those who help themselves.

Ok, if I'm going to help myself, what do I need God for?

If you pulled into a service station and the sign read, "Our attendants serve those who serve themselves", wouldn't you wonder, "What the hell does that mean"?

Believers have noticed that God doesn't actually help anyone. To stave off the cog diss, they came up with that phrase. That way, when they help themselves (and it turns out well), they can pretend that God did it and give him credit.

[_Hades]

God helps those who help themselves.

Ok, if I'm going to help myself, what do I need God for?

If you pulled into a service station and the sign read, "Our attendants serve those who serve themselves", wouldn't you wonder, "What the hell does that mean"?

Believers have noticed that God doesn't actually help anyone. To stave off the cog diss, they came up with that phrase. That way, when they help themselves (and it turns out well), they can pretend that God did it and give him credit.

[_Sethbag]

It's the situation with "Pray like it all depends on God, then work like it all depends on you."

You can just delete the first part, put the second part into practice, and I hypothesize that nobody would ever be able to tell the difference in the outcome.

[_aranyborju]

Back rubs in the front room lead to front rubs in the back room.