What I was told, and what I WISH I were told by Bishops

[_ajax18]

Part of it is about me being happy as well.

[_Yoda]

Part of it is about me being happy as well.

Now I'm confused. You just got through saying that marriage is a martyrdom, and that you suffer through it because it's right, not because you like it. Than, you say it makes you happy. Which is it?

[_ajax18]

It's like the gospel. You suffer things now for something better later.

In fairness it's not just women. I'm talking about all people. Why did I put up with companions who weren't very nice people? It certainly wasn't because it made me happy then.

The part that is about my happiness must at least be in the next life. If you deny me that as well because you don't like the attitude, then there is nothing left that would make me want to be a part of it.

[_Daheshist]

At the time Mormon women were lying and dumping on me, I believed the Mormon Propaganda I was told, that Mormon women are....

Always honest
Always chaste
Never lie
Never date a morally unworthy man
Care nothing for the things of this World....

All the COMPLETE AND UTTER BS this Church as to offer.

I thought that the women who lied to me and played games, and the ones I found in bed with my roommates, were just anomalies; like Albino Negroes, but I saw, over the years, the honest and moral Mormon women were the anomalies.

I get along with women a LOT better now, because I no longer believe the BS I was taught as a Mormon, and recognize that Mormon women are simply female mammals, and they respond to pheromones and instinct just like all female animals do. Since realizing this, women in general, and Mormon women in particular, have not disappointed me; because I recognize that when it comes to mating and "dealing" with non-blood-related males, they are completely and utterly controlled by controlled by their animals brains.

Maybe women don't relate to you in the way you would like because they sense that you stand ready to think the worst about them.

Just a thought.

[_ajax18]

I thought that the women who lied to me and played games, and the ones I found in bed with my roommates, were just anomalies; like Albino Negroes, but I saw, over the years, the honest and moral Mormon women were the anomalies

It took me a while to realize that women were just people. The Church always emphasizes how they're more spiritual etc. It's not true. Women may not have the same set of temptations that men have, but they have others.

But Darrick even the best marriages don't seem to work. People are very selfish, and that includes women, even if we've been inculcated to believe it only means men. You have to go into marriage with the attitude of being a martyr if necessary if you expect to make the marriage last very long. They say you choose who you marry, but that's not really true either. People that manage to get married, take the best they can get which is often times a long way from fair.

You can't really expect a woman that is in shape if you keep yourself in shape either. It doesn't work that way. Not because it wouldn't be fair, but because it just wasn't possible. If you have 80 fat women and 20 thin women trying to pair up with 100 men who basically all look the same, somebody has to get the fat one, or stay single.

You see dating is not about what you want, it's not even about what you deserve. It's just taking the best you can get and making the best of it. That's all that is available.

In the end it doesn't really matter who you marry. All that matters is the type of husband you were. That's how you improve your situation and how you make things better, not by finding a better marriage deal now. The wife you choose now may decide to continue on the path of selfishness. It doesn't mean you're stuck with her forever. We'll all end up with people who lived to a similar level that we lived.

People are dishonest about these things for many reasons,

1) The Church has an agenda to push. Much of what they say is to promote an agenda, not to pass on truthful information
2) Most women can't even be honest with themselves, let alone the other team.

So don't listen to them. I'm sharing because this is how I finally figured it out and I'm at peace now with the whole situation. I hope you find it helpful because no other men shared with me. One of the biggest problems with men is that they don't support each other through stuff like this the way women do.

[_Daheshist]

That's why I'm staying single. No, I'm not fat. I'm not even chubby. YOu are right, there are about 80 per cent fat women to about 20 per cent chubby and thin ratio in LDS singles, and I've been around LDS singles for a long time, in L.A., Sacramento, Bay area, Portland, Seattle, and Mesa/Phoenix Arizona, and the Salt Lake and Utah Counties. I've lived in all these places, and yes, 80 per cent fat, and 20 per cent chubby and thin and average. About 20 per cent fat men, the rest average.

If I can go oversees, maybe South America or some other place, maybe I can find a women. If I stay in the U.S., I doubt I'll ever get married in this life. And never have a woman to "shack up" with. That if for men who can afford it. Men with businesses and good jobs.

Thanks for your thoughts.

You can't really expect a woman that is in shape if you keep yourself in shape either. It doesn't work that way. Not because it wouldn't be fair, but because it just wasn't possible. If you have 80 fat women and 20 thin women trying to pair up with 100 men who basically all look the same, somebody has to get the fat one, or stay single.

[_ajax18]

If I can go oversees, maybe South America or some other place, maybe I can find a women. If I stay in the U.S., I doubt I'll ever get married in this life. And never have a woman to "shack up" with. That if for men who can afford it. Men with businesses and good jobs.

A lot of it is about money. It just takes a long time to make enough of it. I was once comiserating in my 20s with a colleague on why women weren't interested in me. My friend replied, "All I know is that the girl I'll some day marry is probably in the 7th grade now."

[_Brackite]

It took me a while to realize that women were just people. The Church always emphasizes how they're more spiritual etc. It's not true. Women may not have the same set of temptations that men have, but they have others.

While I was growing up within the LDS Church, I constantly heard that women are more spiritual than men. And I read it here from a former LDS Bishop of California. Here is that quote again:

Plural marriage is an eternal principle. It is founded on the notion that there will be far fewer men who will accept the atoning sacrifice than women. It has to do, somehow, with the struggle in the Garden of Eden, the choice Eve made, and the promise that she would be saved in childbearing. I don't get it all, but the fact that women are more spiritual and willing to accept the spirit is a fact.

in my opinion, that quote is very sexist.

[_Yoda]

It's like the gospel. You suffer things now for something better later.

In fairness it's not just women. I'm talking about all people. Why did I put up with companions who weren't very nice people? It certainly wasn't because it made me happy then.

The part that is about my happiness must at least be in the next life. If you deny me that as well because you don't like the attitude, then there is nothing left that would make me want to be a part of it.

I'm not denying you anything. You are denying yourself.

It sounds like you don't even LIKE your spouse. You are just "enduring to the end". That seems like such a sad way to live in a marriage.

Question...Do you love your wife?

[_ajax18]

Question...Do you love your wife?

Do you love your husband conditionally or unconditionally? Do you love him perfectly or imperfectly?