Infymus wrote:
This is exactly what happened to me. Hell, I read the Book of Mormon 17 times. I thirsted at a supposed over flowing well of knowledge. I was told to stop thinking, stop reading, stop trying to understand. I was given the old "shelve your questions" and just pay and obey. All answers would be given once I died.
It wasn't until I allowed myself to read "Anti-Mormon" literature did I finally get my fill.
I followed a similar path, Infymus.
I remember during the 1980's reading book after book on LDS Doctrine, struggling to learn things and finding myself blocked at virtually every turn.
I learned early to not expect anything from GA books and so avoided them.
What I ended up doing was reading the same things over and over again. I valued books by Joseph Fielding McConkie because he was capable of fresh insights here and there, though they were imbedded in books containing the same old thing. But the drudgery was worth it to me to find the nuggets.
Toward the end of the 1980's, I began to do an indepth study of the Adam-God Theory, and ended up writing a manuscript suggesting an alternative way to harmonize Brigham Young's teachings with those of the modern church.
Along the way, however, I had to come to grips with the fact that Brigham Young taught a number of concepts at variance with today's teachings. Making it more interesting was the modern church's repeated disavowals of the Adam-God Theory, together with denials Brigham Young had ever taught such a thing.
My studies told me differently.
Through this, I began to see that Brigham Young spoke clearly and repeatedly on the subject. If I took his words at face value, he was clear and consistent. On the other hand, I saw others twist his words away from their meaning in order to try to make him conform to current teachings.
By seeing this done with Brigham Young, I began to see it done in a host of different areas, up to and including the scriptures.
I began to see the value lay in trying to understand what the scriptures were saying, not in trying to make the scriptures conform with orthodox Mormonism.
And that has made all the difference.
All the Best!
--Consiglieri