Why are there "ex" support groups?

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_Quasimodo
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Quasimodo »

Runtu wrote:You know what bothers me? These people who keep telling me I need to just shut up about the church because it's not "healthy" for me to express opinions about part of my life. I need to move on and stop being so negative and obsessed.

Why can't they just be honest and say what they mean? They don't like people criticizing the church and wish we would shut up. Why do they have to make up this BS about caring for my soul?


Cookies for the apostate?

Very nice OP, Runtu! I've never been a Mormon and yet I'm here on this board. I can't really understand what you and others have been through, but it is fascinating.

Being here has taught me much about Mormonism and even more about how and why people believe the things that they do.
This, or any other post that I have made or will make in the future, is strictly my own opinion and consequently of little or no value.

"Faith is believing something you know ain't true" Twain.
_Spanner
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Spanner »

Nice blog post.

My next younger sister and myself both left the church within a year of each other - she first. The big difference was that she never really believed it at all. Due to episodes of sleep paralysis that I had interpreted as the devil trying to get me, I had really believed. I had callings as a teenager, studied the scriptures on my own time, and was planning on going on a mission even though it would mark me as an "old Maid" (thank the FSM that I couldn't go on a mission till 21 back then!). My sister had been acting out since age 10ish, behind my parents' backs. She played the part where she needed to, but even then couldn't handle staying at Church College (CCNZ), she only lasted one term. As soon as she turned 16, she was out of there and was the first to be disowned by my mother. She launched headlong into "sin" and effectively just didn't think about the church again, except to rail against its influence over our parents when she got into conflict with them (the shunning strategy only lasted a couple of years).

So now, I am still in "recovery" while she has totally moved past it. She couldn't leave fast enough, while I was devastated to discover the truth.

That said, I have been totally fascinated by Mormon history. There are new, strange, and surprising things to learn all the time. But, if I pass on amusing or shocking incidents to my sister, she is mildly amused, has a laugh, but is not interested at all. There may be an interaction there between the strength of prior commitment, sense of betrayal and interest in finding out the true story.
_Tim the Enchanter
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Tim the Enchanter »

Runtu wrote:You know what bothers me? These people who keep telling me I need to just shut up about the church because it's not "healthy" for me to express opinions about part of my life. I need to move on and stop being so negative and obsessed.

Why can't they just be honest and say what they mean? They don't like people criticizing the church and wish we would shut up. Why do they have to make up this b***s*** about caring for my soul?


When people have expressed to me that it is not "healthy" for me to spend time studying and discussing the church in a "negative" way, I tell them if their concern really is me, then they should rejoice that I am happier and have experienced longer-lasting peace in my life since my beliefs about the church changed. Of course, that hasn't always stopped them from telling me that I'm not really happier and more at peace, I only think I am. What can you do?
There are some who call me...Tim.
_Some Schmo
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Some Schmo »

Runtu wrote:It’s “unhealthy” they say, to keep talking about the past...

Tell that to a psychiatrist.

Tim the Enchanter wrote:Of course, that hasn't always stopped them from telling me that I'm not really happier and more at peace, I only think I am.

That's when I'd say, "You don't really believe the church is true. You only think you do."
God belief is for people who don't want to live life on the universe's terms.
_Yahoo Bot
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Yahoo Bot »

Runtu wrote:It’s pretty clear to me, and I’m sure to most of my readers, where this advice comes from, and it’s not generally from a concern for the wellbeing of my soul.


It isn't about you.

When I was a priesthood leader oh so long ago, 99.5% of persons who hated, disliked, were agnostic about, or uninterested in the Church stopped attending and, in some cases, had their names removed and then basically left Mormonism behind. No public posting; no obsession with bringing the Church down; no creation of blogs. I even had a woman in my ward who was involved in an anti-Mormon ministry with her pastor husband in a large evangelical church who went through this. Some of these silent departures, of course, would tell people and family members when asked the reason for their departures, but beyond that -- not much.

As to the .5% who are critical and public opponents of the Church, it isn't easy to define or explain why they do it. It is possible to perhaps put them in categories, but I don't think there is one single reason to explain their public opposition to the Church.

My own opinion, as unexpert as it may seem, is that people fall into the following categories (which may overlap) as to the .5%. The order I give is in no particular significance. Again, this is just the active, public critics and isn't describing the 99.5% who leave all the time:

1. Divorced men and on occasion divorced women: They equate the church with their divorced spouse (the one who remains active, or is seen as some sort of rank hypocrite and remains active) and use the public fora to lash out, much like they might do in their divorce proceedings. Their divorce roughly coincides with their church departure.

2. Those addicted to internet argument. They have to find something to argue about; model trains or NASCAR won't do it. They don't know much about Jehovah's Witnesses. Why not the Church?

3. Those who are looking for ratification of their decision to leave the Church, much like the heroin addict looking for fellow addicts. A few pats on the back helps them feel good about their decision.

4. The guilty. A few pats on the back helps them feel good about their decision.

5. Those with mental or psychological issues; sociopaths wanting to injure anonymously. If it isn't the Church, it might be their employers, their friends. It is therapy.

6. Those in good faith who see the Church as evil and see it as their mission to put it out of existence.

7. Those in good faith who see the Church as frivolous (not believing in God or evil) and see it as their mission to put it out of existence.

YB
_Some Schmo
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Some Schmo »

Yahoo Bot wrote:1. Divorced men and on occasion divorced women: They equate the church with their divorced spouse (the one who remains active, or is seen as some sort of rank hypocrite and remains active) and use the public fora to lash out, much like they might do in their divorce proceedings. Their divorce roughly coincides with their church departure.

2. Those addicted to internet argument. They have to find something to argue about; model trains or NASCAR won't do it. They don't know much about Jehovah's Witnesses. Why not the Church?

3. Those who are looking for ratification of their decision to leave the Church, much like the heroin addict looking for fellow addicts. A few pats on the back helps them feel good about their decision.

4. The guilty. A few pats on the back helps them feel good about their decision.

5. Those with mental or psychological issues; sociopaths wanting to injure anonymously. If it isn't the Church, it might be their employers, their friends. It is therapy.

6. Those in good faith who see the Church as evil and see it as their mission to put it out of existence.

7. Those in good faith who see the Church as frivolous (not believing in God or evil) and see it as their mission to put it out of existence.

8. Those who like to replace BS with reality.
God belief is for people who don't want to live life on the universe's terms.
_Runtu
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Runtu »

Some Schmo wrote:8. Those who like to replace BS with reality.


I think I can die a happy man having received a patented rcrocket smackdown.
Runtu's Rincón

If you just talk, I find that your mouth comes out with stuff. -- Karl Pilkington
_Markk
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Markk »

Runtu wrote:
Why can't they just be honest and say what they mean? They don't like people criticizing the church and wish we would shut up. Why do they have to make up this b***s*** about caring for my soul?


I think more honestly, they are afraid. To be honest would mean they would have to acknowledge short comings of the church, which as we all know is not an easy thing to do.

John...they are not "make[ing] up this b***s*** about caring for my [your] soul." They are making up the BS to care for their soul.
Don't take life so seriously in that " sooner or later we are just old men in funny clothes" "Tom 'T-Bone' Wolk"
_Runtu
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Runtu »

Markk wrote:I think more honestly, they are afraid. To be honest would mean they would have to acknowledge short comings of the church, which as we all know is not an easy thing to do.

John...they are not "make[ing] up this b***s*** about caring for my [your] soul." They are making up the BS to care for their soul.


You're probably right. It's just annoying.
Runtu's Rincón

If you just talk, I find that your mouth comes out with stuff. -- Karl Pilkington
_Markk
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Re: Why are there "ex" support groups?

Post by _Markk »

Runtu wrote:
You're probably right. It's just annoying.


And sad.
Don't take life so seriously in that " sooner or later we are just old men in funny clothes" "Tom 'T-Bone' Wolk"
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