Congratulations Are In Order For DCP And 'Witnesses'

[Rivendale]

Pablum is the word that comes to mind to best describe “Witnesses.” Pablum was a processed cereal for infants originally marketed and co-created by the Mead Johnson & Company in 1931. That’s what this movie feels like. Overly sweet baby food for Mormons, to keep their dying testimonies alive.

There’s such a fervent desire from DCP to make Joseph Smith and the Mormon story seem weighty and monumentally important. He tries so hard with the music, the cinematography, the handsome actor chosen to play Smith.

But it all falls flat, it can’t escape feeling like a made for Sunday school VHS video. Unless you’re a true believing Mormon who cries when bearing his testimony at the pulpit, these attempts at elevating the Smith story on the silver screen aren’t going to elicit any tears.

No non-Mormon is going to be rushing out of the theater for Witnesses or August searching for the nearest baptismal font. They’re just going to be stifling a yawn trying not to offend whatever Mormon friend encouraged them to go see it together.

Nobody can resist Ashton Kutcher in the lead role.

[malkie]

For Heaven’s sake, “Witnesses” wasn’t that bad. In fact, for having a budget of only one million dollars, it was actually quite good.

Sure, there were plenty of things I would’ve done differently, but I’m literally—not figuratively, but literally—amazed that far more of our LDS friends didn’t see it than actually did. It’s bizarre.

Do you have any thoughts about why such a small number of LDS saw it?

[Dr. Shades]

Do you have any thoughts about why such a small number of LDS saw it?

Nope. Like I said, I’m quite befuddled.

[Gadianton]

What a terrifying thought. How much do you want to bet that more LDS have seen Showgirls than have seen Witnesses?

[Dr. Shades]

What a terrifying thought. How much do you want to bet thatmore LDS have seen Showgirls than have seen Witnesses?

I don’t know, but I admit that the former lends itself far better to multiple viewings.

[Everybody Wang Chung]

What a terrifying thought. How much do you want to bet thatmore LDS have seen Showgirls than have seen Witnesses?

I don’t know, but I admit that the former lends itself far better to multiple viewings.

Concern for my reputation prevents me from recommending Showgirls. Showgirls is one of the worst movies ever made. It has hilarious dialogue, a weirdo swimming pool scene, bizarre portrayals of the inner workings of a Vegas show, and dozens if not hundreds of bare breasts. I am however a mature adult and must conclude that "Showgirls" is a horrible film. If you want to see it anyway, of course, that's strictly your concern. I think I may have to check it out again myself.

[Fence Sitter]

I don’t know, but I admit that the former lends itself far better to multiple viewings.

Concern for my reputation prevents me from recommending Showgirls. Showgirls is one of the worst movies ever made. It has hilarious dialogue, a weirdo swimming pool scene, bizarre portrayals of the inner workings of a Vegas show, and dozens if not hundreds of bare breasts. I am however a mature adult and must conclude that "Showgirls" is a horrible film. If you want to see it anyway, of course, that's strictly your concern. I think I may have to check it out again myself.

The movie title should have been "Show Girls."

[Dr. Shades]

Concern for my reputation prevents me from recommending Showgirls. Showgirls is one of the worst movies ever made.

I disagree. Showgirls isn’t any worse than any other film. People simply say they hate it because they think it’ll make them look cool by being immune from the effects of seeing so many breasts.

[Everybody Wang Chung]

Concern for my reputation prevents me from recommending Showgirls. Showgirls is one of the worst movies ever made.

I disagree. Showgirls isn’t any worse than any other film. People simply say they hate it because they think it’ll make them look cool by being immune from the effects of seeing so many breasts.

Dr. Shades,

Showgirls isn't the worst movie ever made. It's MUCH better than Witnesses. Compared to Witnesses, Showgirls is The Godfather. IMDB gives Showgirls at rating of 5.0 and Witnesses a rating of 4.1.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114436/?r ... _showgirls

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt13820428/? ... _witnesses

Good news Dr. Shades: https://www.bustle.com/articles/90711-2 ... easons-you

[drumdude]

I disagree. Showgirls isn’t any worse than any other film. People simply say they hate it because they think it’ll make them look cool by being immune from the effects of seeing so many breasts.

Dr. Shades,

Showgirls isn't the worst movie ever made. It's MUCH better than Witnesses. Compared to Witnesses, Showgirls is The Godfather. IMDB gives Showgirls at rating of 5.0 and Witnesses a rating of 4.1.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114436/?r ... _showgirls

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt13820428/? ... _witnesses

Good news Dr. Shades: https://www.bustle.com/articles/90711-2 ... easons-you

To be fair, Witnesses was absolutely review bombed by "antis." The only people who knew about the film at all were those on the fringes of Mormonism.