harmony wrote:I can't find it now (maybe it was in Seven's post), but I think I'm suffering from sexuality underload. How can anyone feel sexy wearing what has to be the frumpiest underwear ever conceived? I don't mind the tops too much, but I detest the bottoms. I think that finding some way to wear some sexier underwear would help things from my end, although I'm pretty sure whatever I come up with is likely to cause major fussing from his end (this is the man who still fusses when my g's land on the floor when I'm getting ready to shower).
Hi Harmony,
Sorry about that. I went back and deleted my quote because I worried it was TMI.
But after visiting the Christian link Cinepro dropped, I think it was pretty benign.
I will share my experience, but I know each person is different. I strongly believe the mental factor of sex is as important (in some cases more important) than the physical. If we go into it with dread, or unenthusiastically, that's going to really hold back any pleasure we could have had.
There is nothing worse during foreplay or those spontaneous moments of passion than to realize those garments are the first thing he's going to see or feel when he undresses you. It really ruins the mood and is such a huge distraction for a woman.
I recommend wearing sexy underwear or lingerie under your regular clothes for those times you are wanting to be intimate with him. That way you are ready to go! :) Maybe let him know ahead of time that when you are not wearing your garments, it's because you are desiring to make love so he doesn't feel you are going against your covenants. If it's for intimacy with him, would it make a difference in how he views it? Or does he associate your lack of garments with your beliefs about the church?
If I'm feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable about my underclothes, it's going to be much more difficult for me to feel sexy. Garment bottoms are so hideous on women. That seam in the tops is just awful and no matter what size I've tried, the seam never lays on the right spot.
I also mentioned that mental imagery/role play can help if women are not feeling sexy or in the mood. Sometimes when we are worn out with all of our daily activities as mother, homemaker, career woman, etc, it's nice to leave this world and pretend we are someone else. (I don't mean dressing up or verbally expressing it though) Pretend
in your mind you are having an affair with your husband or something fun like that. Be the girlfriend or mistress and it might make sex more exciting and pleasurable.
Many women are stimulated by steamy romance novels or a hot sensual love scene from a movie, love songs, etc. It's another form of foreplay for women.
As for your husband though, I don't know why he doesn't listen to your needs. You would think that most guys want nothing more than to be a good lover and change things that don't work. And if he has a problem with not lasting long enough, that's going to really make it difficult for you to even enjoy it. It takes time for women to get there. He needs to work on pleasuring you only before sex if that is a problem for him.
With Valentine's Day approaching, a good sex book on how to pleasure a woman might be appropriate.
