Problematic John Dehlin, a short list

[consiglieri]

Not exactly the Boston Strangler, but if that’s the best you’ve got, please continue.

[Meadowchik]

Not exactly the Boston Strangler, but if that’s the best you’ve got, please continue.

It is another complaint in a history of complaints from various people who were close to him at some point.

[Kishkumen]

My first thoughts on this are as follows:

I deliberately avoid liking anything on Facebook that could be misconstrued. Why? Because people will gladly read all kinds of things into those likes. So, best policy is not to like anything that could be misconstrued. May John Dehlin learn his lesson, which, unfortunately, is this: people post all kinds of things online, and often they would probably be wiser not to post them. If I am going to sit and sift through who liked certain photos I posted and then get all paranoid about what those likes might mean, then I will stop myself before posting those pictures because I don't want the headache and worry.

Evidently, this person discovered that she would take the time to figure out John Dehlin's pattern of liking her pictures and then concluded, without discussing this with him, that his purposes were to lust after her and perhaps even stalk or otherwise pursue her. Personally, I wouldn't want that kind of worry. There are a number of possible solutions here. Block any guy who likes in this way. Stop posting pictures that Facebook "friends" might like in this way that makes me feel uncomfortable. Etc.

What absolutely blows my effing mind is that this became a thing beyond her own personal discomfort and discussion with John Dehlin. My jaw is on the ground.

W. T. F.

Thank you for the education. I feel very affirmed in my decision not to ever like anything in a way that could be misconstrued. I feel very affirmed in my decision to think three times about how I interact with women online. Believe me, I do. And so far, I have done a damn good job. But it still is great to see as a negative example how some schlub can be racked publicly for liking, or, heaven forefend, re-liking a bikini picture that a female friend voluntarily posted out to every one of her barely known associates in the wide world of the internet.

I never want to know who this woman is, but, that said, I am dying to know what her security settings were and how many Facebook friends she had at the time whom she knew nothing of. Because, as vulgar as it is, the practical issue really presents itself: were any of these creeps masturbating to her pictures while John Dehlin, that cur of a worthless sexist piece of garbage who hates women, liked those "sexy" pictures TWICE(?!?!?!?!?!?) and sent her into a tailspin?

Unflippingbelievable. I am staying in my cardboard box.

By the way, the other day my wife came up to me with a picture on Facebook posted by one of our mutual friends. It was a picture of this nice lady in a bikini. My spouse has commented in the past that this person is, well, rather buxom. My spouse was aghast and laughing away at the fact this woman thinks nothing of posting this stuff on Facebook. I noticed that picture before my wife did. I did not spend any time looking at it, and you had better believe I did not comment on it to my spouse, let alone "like" it.

Because, you see, I'm not an effing idiot.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Well, we can rest assured that John Dehlin 100%, 1000%, and, gosh, 10,000% disagrees with the woman’s perspective. He also has a gay friend who’s photos he liked, so like, whatevs.

Now. Stay with me here, John (because I know you read this board daily), let me mentor YOU for a second - we can all use some good mentoring even if we’re mentors ourselves. If I’m a dude who had an affair that included all the tidbits my ex-AP has shared publicly the last thing I’d do, especially if I’m in the business of helping people transition out of Mormonism along with all its commensurate baggage is this:

1) Interact with the spouses of couples that in any way, shape, or form could be construed as a behavioral patter related to my choices I made in an earlier affair.

2) Deflect and turn the tables on someone who was the target of my poor choices, no matter how minor I think they are.

3) Reject accountability - extreme ownership (gotta love Jocko) is the only way forward for a public figure who demands accountability and amends from the LDS church, and is trying to teach those same principles to the folks who are leaving the cult.

and

4) Do anything publicly or privately that’d embarrass my spouse who doesn’t get a choice, other than through continuing association with me, in how I interact with others and that brings her into the equation.

I get that you’re like most of us, and you’re on a journey where your own growth has to be taken into account, but, and this is a huge but, you’ve chosen your path and it’s a high profile one with a lot of responsibility to those you coach and to those who are associated with you because of the broader communities you represent, whether or not that’s fair is irrelevant. You operate within that context, and it’s not necessarily enemies and ‘damaged’ people who call you out on your crap. They can just be people, all of them.

Get your crap together, man.

* edits for grammar and spelling

- Doc

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Not exactly the Boston Strangler, but if that’s the best you’ve got, please continue.

That’s your line in the sand? C’mon, man. Surely you can see a pattern has emerged, and at what point are you willing to admit there’s a there there?

- Doc

[Kishkumen]

It is another complaint in a history of complaints from various people who were close to him at some point.

Sweet Jesus.

[consiglieri]

Not exactly the Boston Strangler, but if that’s the best you’ve got, please continue.

That’s your line in the sand? C’mon, man. Surely you can see a pattern has emerged, and at what point are you willing to admit there’s a there there?

- Doc

“Springes to catch woodcocks!”

[Kishkumen]

If I’m a dude who had an affair that included all the tidbits my ex-AP has shared publicly the last thing I’d do, especially if I’m in the business of helping people transition out of Mormonism along with all its commensurate baggage is this:

1) Interact with the spouses of couples that in any way, shape, or form could be construed as a behavioral patter related to my choices I made in an earlier affair.

2) Deflect and turn the tables on someone who was the target of my poor choices, no matter how minor I think they are.

3) Reject accountability - extreme ownership (gotta love Jocko) is the only way forward for a public figure who demands accountability and amends from the LDS church, and is trying to teach those same principles to the folks who are leaving the cult.

and

4) Do anything publicly or privately that’d embarrass my spouse who doesn’t get a choice, other than through continuing association with me, in how I interact with others and that brings her into the equation.

I get that you’re like most of us, and you’re on a journey where your own growth has to be taken into account, but, and this is a huge but, you’ve chosen your path and it’s a high profile one with a lot of responsibility to those you coach and to those who are associated with you because of the broader communities you represent, whether or not that’s fair is irrelevant. You operate within that context, and it’s not necessarily enemies and ‘damaged’ people who call you out on your Crap. They can just be people, all of them.

Get your Crap together, man.

* edits for grammar and spelling

- Doc

Amen on all of this. Good God, man. Would you just refrain from doing stupid crap? Because, I gotta say that I am tired of reading about how you trigger crazy people by being a human being. Listen, dude, you are not a human being any longer. You are a brand. And, honestly, you already messed up bigly. So, just stop. Do not do the stuff that any normal heterosexual dude might be tempted to do in his moments of humanity. That clearly ain't working. Remember, these folks you are dealing with were trained to be Mormons. They think that bare shoulders are the same as XXX hardcore porn.

[dastardly stem]

How does one pay enough attention to when someone unlikes and then relikes something?

How does this person know John liked her photos, then didn't like them...and then reliked them? Is that tracked somewhere?

Who goes to specific photos people post and likes them individually anyway...I mean besides grandmas and such?

He's weird to go through someone's individual photos and hitting like on each one. How he didn't realize that was going to creep a woman out is laughable. I suppose it's additionally odd she publicly called him out on it rather than asked him personally to settle it down...or whatever.

His excuses are kind of funny, in that message thread though. Still chuckling he calls them evil.

"everyone's out to destroy me".

"They are jealous of me"

"They are broken people".

Nah...I mean, how about they reacted poorly when they felt creeped out by your photo likes?

Maybe in the end she used him to make a scene so people would see and like her photos?

poor guy. Reading that long rant makes me feel like he's the most talented person in the world and everyone hates him and he just wants to be left alone.

[Kishkumen]

How does one pay enough attention to when someone unlikes and then relikes something?

How does this person know John liked her photos, then didn't like them...and then reliked them? Is that tracked somewhere?

Who goes to specific photos people post and likes them individually anyway...I mean besides grandmas and such?

He's weird to go through someone's individual photos and hitting like on each one. How he didn't realize that was going to creep a woman out is laughable. I suppose it's additionally odd she publicly called him out on it rather than asked him personally to settle it down...or whatever.

His excuses are kind of funny, in that message thread though. Still chuckling he calls them evil.

"everyone's out to destroy me".

"They are jealous of me"

"They are broken people".

Nah...I mean, how about they reacted poorly when they felt creeped out by your photo likes?

Maybe in the end she used him to make a scene so people would see and like her photos?

poor guy. Reading that long rant makes me feel like he's the most talented person in the world and everyone hates him and he just wants to be left alone.

Yes, I think a lot of this is very revealing of the mind-eff that has been inculcated in so many Mormons. Everyone looking over their (not bare I hope) shoulders at people imagining they are trying to destroy them or stalk them. Who liked my photo? What did it mean? Why is the person who complained about me liking their photo working for Mopologists and church security and trying to destroy me and Mormon Stories?

ROFLMAO!!!!