MsJack wrote:I have to disagree with you that involving Emma would have been crueler than not involving her. In all of the cases I've known where a husband concealed something from his wife, if his wife found out in spite of his efforts, the situation became far, far worse than it would have been had he simply been honest with the difficult news from the beginning. Sure, the wife had some peace for however long he kept the truth from her, but when she finally found out, she had to deal with the horrible news on top of the lack of trust in her husband. Some hear the truth from other sources instead of hearing it from their husbands directly, which is usually even worse.
Hi MsJack,
You may be right about this. Normally, couples shouldn't hide things from each other. And there is indeed something a bit unseemly about Joseph Smith sneaking around, sending furtive notes, holding doors closed, and so on. But I'm not sure it could have been otherwise. It seems to me that the choice before Joseph was to practice polygamy semi-secretly or not at all.
We don't have to guess at what would have happened had Emma been "in the loop" all along. We need look no further than the summer of 1843, when Joseph and Emma's conflict over plural marriage came to a head. The following excerpts from William Clayton's journal tell the story:
[May 23, 1843] "... President stated to me that he had had a little trouble with Sister E[mma]."
[June 23, 1843] "This A.M. President Joseph took me and conversed considerable concerning some delicate matters. Said [Emma] wanted to lay a snare for me.... he knew she was disposed to be revenged on him for some things. She thought that if he would indulge himself she would too."
[July 12, 1843] "This A.M. I wrote a Revelation consisting of 10 pages on the order of the priesthood, showing the designs in Moses, Abraham, David and Solomon having many wives and concubines &c. After it was wrote Presidents Joseph and Hyrum presented it and read it to E[mma] who said she did not believe a word of it and appeared very rebellious. Joseph told me to Deed all the unencumbered lots to E[mma] and the children. He appears much troubled about E[mma]."
[July 13, 1843] "This A.M. Joseph sent for me and when I arrived he called me up into his private room with E[mma] and there stated an agreement they had mutually entered into. They both stated their feelings on many subjects and wept considerable."
[August 16, 1843] "This A.M. Joseph told me that since E[mma] came back from St. Louis she had resisted the P[riesthood] in toto and he had to tell her he would relinquish all for her sake. She said she would have given him E[liza] and E[mily] Partridge, but he knew if he took them she would pitch on him and obtain a divorce and leave him. He however told me he should not relinquish anything."
[August 21, 1843] "E[mma] asked if I handed 2 letters to Joseph which she showed me. I had not done it. I satisfied her I had not. They appeared to be from E[liza] R Snow and President Joseph found them in his pocket. E[mma] seemed vexed and angry."
[August 23, 1843] "President Joseph told me that he had difficulty with E[mma] yesterday. She rode up to the Woodworths with him and called while he came to the Temple. When he returned she was demanding the gold watch of F[lora]. He reproved her for her evil treatment. On their return home she abused him much and also when he got home. He had to use harsh measures to put a stop to her abuse but finally succeeded."
In October 1843 Clayton reported Joseph telling him that "E[mma] was turned quite friendly and kind." Not coincidentally, Joseph's plural marriages abruptly ceased.