Actual Ex-Mo Predators

[jpatterson]

The 'relationship', according to her statements, included someone sneaking into her room to orally and digitally use her body, while requiring her to publically not acknowledge they were involved, because he didn't want his wife or anyone else to know.

It’s unfortunate that she didn’t lead with this. It took around a decade for her to produce that concrete claim. I now know that this is common in situations of abuse, to not be able to communicate what happened effectively. But it makes it very difficult for someone to judge the truth versus a potential false story.

This is why, years ago, I brought up rape culture to this board and was summarily laughed out of here. I brought up the need to "start by believing," to give people space and empathy to tell their story rather than DEMANDING PROOF.

This board, by and large, has been a case study in how NOT to handle accusations of abuse.

But, we can all learn.

[drumdude]

It’s unfortunate that she didn’t lead with this. It took around a decade for her to produce that concrete claim. I now know that this is common in situations of abuse, to not be able to communicate what happened effectively. But it makes it very difficult for someone to judge the truth versus a potential false story.

This is why, years ago, I brought up rape culture to this board and was summarily laughed out of here. I brought up the need to "start by believing," to give people space and empathy to tell their story rather than DEMANDING PROOF.

This board, by and large, has been a case study in how NOT to handle accusations of abuse.

But, we can all learn.

I agree. I think many of us have evolved into better positions on the issue. You’ve also acknowledged some problematic parts of Rosebud, which I greatly appreciate.

I wish Rosebud the best in healing, she and John are the only two who know what really happened and they’re the only ones who have to live with it every day.

[jpatterson]

This is why, years ago, I brought up rape culture to this board and was summarily laughed out of here. I brought up the need to "start by believing," to give people space and empathy to tell their story rather than DEMANDING PROOF.

This board, by and large, has been a case study in how NOT to handle accusations of abuse.

But, we can all learn.

I agree. I think many of us have evolved into better positions on the issue. You’ve also acknowledged some problematic parts of Rosebud, which I greatly appreciate.

I wish Rosebud the best in healing, she and John are the only two who know what really happened and they’re the only ones who have to live with it every day.

Hear, hear.

[IWMP]

I wish Rosebud the best in healing,

Same.

[Kishkumen]

Had John Dehlin never acted upon his impulses, Rosebud could’ve retained gainful employment.

Had Rosebud never acted on her impulses, or voluntarily pursued an affair with Dehlin, she might still be employed there. Or, more likely, she could have moved on to something else, perhaps something more rewarding and fulfilling.

[Kishkumen]

This is why, years ago, I brought up rape culture to this board and was summarily laughed out of here. I brought up the need to "start by believing," to give people space and empathy to tell their story rather than DEMANDING PROOF.

This board, by and large, has been a case study in how NOT to handle accusations of abuse.

But, we can all learn.

Your participation in this debacle warranted skepticism. To this day we have no way of knowing the degree to which the interactions between Rosebud and Dehlin were consensual or not. She made claims about lack of consent. The evidence did not back her up.

In this way, I think the board comes out smelling like a rose. People here were right to be skeptical of Rosebud's claims. At the same time, I think the board functions in a way that maximizes Rosebud's ability to tell her story. Some people just don't care for how the same structures allow people to disagree with her and question her story.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Had John Dehlin never acted upon his impulses, Rosebud could’ve retained gainful employment.

Had Rosebud never acted on her impulses, or voluntarily pursued an affair with Dehlin, she might still be employed there. Or, more likely, she could have moved on to something else, perhaps something more rewarding and fulfilling.

You sure about that? Sometimes boss man don’t like it when a woman say no. Sometimes boss man sneak into a room and touch woman and she no like.

- Doc

[IWMP]

Had Rosebud never acted on her impulses, or voluntarily pursued an affair with Dehlin, she might still be employed there. Or, more likely, she could have moved on to something else, perhaps something more rewarding and fulfilling.

You sure about that? Sometimes boss man don’t like it when a woman say no. Sometimes boss man sneak into a room and touch woman and she no like.

- Doc

What would you do if boss (whatever gender) came into the room and touched you and you said no?

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

You sure about that? Sometimes boss man don’t like it when a woman say no. Sometimes boss man sneak into a room and touch woman and she no like.

- Doc

What would you do if boss (whatever gender) came into the room and touched you and you said no?

Well, out of the Freeze, Fight, or Fight reflexes I have I’d probably hit him. How about you?

A lot of people kind of freeze up and can only protest an unwanted violation of their body. Some can’t even do that, especially so if they believe their jobs are on the line. They don’t want to make waves.

- Doc

Edit: This goes back to what JD’s mindset was. Rosebud said he was titillated by her resistance and by the taboo of what he was doing. This is actually very in line with a predatory mindset - serial killers are often aroused by the danger and taboo of what they’re doing - not that I’m equating JD with one, just a similarity in advantaging himself of a dependent woman who needed a job and probably daydreamed of being a power couple with him.

This is why I go back to laying the onus of leadership, which includes responsibility and accountability, at his feet. If I’m going to fire anyone in this situation it’d be the leader first, because the damage from bad leadership is orders of magnitude greater than that of the subordinate.

[Kishkumen]

You sure about that? Sometimes boss man don’t like it when a woman say no. Sometimes boss man sneak into a room and touch woman and she no like.

- Doc

Pretty sure in this case that the woman looking for an affair found a partner in the bossman seeking the same.