barrelomonkeys wrote: From the Book of Monkey - Chapter 7, verses 6-10
6. Yea, none is greater than thou who makest changing of thy litter.
7. Insolence hast reaped scorn; and goes not forth with a purr.
8. Thy who scoops is most decidedly girded with gladness and much merriment.
9. Boast not of this great deed!
10. Glory may be sung to thee and pleasant faces shall know thee name upon thy lips.
From the Book of Schmo - Chapter 8, verses 9-19
9. That the planets of the heavens are without number, like the sands of a copious box of litter, and the nuggets of surprise therein. 10. Thou hast asked if thy place is grand in the scheme of things, and I ask thee to look upon thy place like the nugget of persistence in the universe of sands and nuggets. 11. Like the feline that sniffs the sand, and deposits his offering, and mixes the sand to cover his offing in order to let it mix and blend with the other sands and nuggets, thy lord hath reserved a special place for thine own kin, 12. 'Tis the nugget with doeth stick to the fur of the feline, and is thusly carried by its host, till it is attended to at some future time. 13. For unknown to me was thine presence, until at some time, I detected a smell and sticky discomfort, 14. And did wipe mine self to discover the source of that thing which I carried with me. 15. Like the feline that doeth nip and pull at the persistent nugget and doeth wipe its hind quarters on the carpet and smear itself: 16. I, too, did wonder at my creation. 17. Let it be known the significance of your place in the great box of sand and nuggets; 18. Thine is a special place, in my special place, but it is a place which cannot last, for it doeth pain me to support it, and it shall be the end of times when I grow weary of it and cleanse mine self. 19. And thou shalt be cast aside, and mingle in the oblivion of all boxes of sand and nuggets, and sand and nuggets without number, forever and ever. Oh man.
Doctor Steuss wrote:Oh that my Steussites were not as dung beetles waiting for doctrines to pass through the bowels of the tapir before finding them appealing.
Oh that my Stuessites would realize the greatness of Terryl Givens, the man-crush of thy Steuss.
Oh that my Stuessites were like unto the Beetles and not the dung beetles, and would "love me do" instead of "love me doo-doo."
Oh that my Steussites would find the herbs of the earth which are pleasing in my sight.
From the First book of Latter Day Nephi Chapter One
Nephi and his bretheren go to a Phish festival. They find shelter at a local inn. They wake up the next morning and proceed to the festival. There, he consumes natural mushrooms for the cleansing and steadfastness of the spirit. Upon this, his spirit was caught up to the highest level and Nephi sees and speaks with God. The Lord finds favor with Nephi, and joins Nephi in dance at the Phish festival. Nephi and his fellow brethern pray that Phish would play Divided Sky and God hears their prayers. Phish plays the song.
1 And it came to pass that Nephi and his bretheren got up and went forth from the town of Bowling Green and traveled northward through the town of Glascow, through the town of Elizabethtown,
2 through the town of Louisville, through the town of Jeffersonville, onward through the town of Indianapolis, until they reached the town of Noblesville.
3 And upon reaching that town (a half day's travel by carriage) they began to grow tired and needed to find shelter for the night, and so they went forth to find lodging at a local inn.
4 In as much as they searched, their eyes grew tired, but strong was their faith in the Lord that he would surely not lead his children astray, and they seeked diligently for shelter, until they came upon the inn of Seven.
5 And they came forth unto the inn keeper and stated that the Lord their God had lead them upon the doorstep of the inns keeper, and they pleaded greatly with him for a room that they might rest.
6 And the inn keeper, knowing their mission upon which they were, granted them 2 nights stay within the inn in exchange for $80.
7 Nephi and his bretheren set forth to their room and upon finding only two beds with which to use (since there were five of them), Nephi and his fellow bretheren drew lots for their beds for the night.
8 And it came to pass that Nephi and his bretheren Galmy drew for the beds within the room, which they were exceedingly grateful for, and they fell upon their knees and gave thanks unto the Lord and offered up their thanks in the form of burnt offerings of incense and sage.
9 ¶ Upon the break of the new sun, Nephi and his brethern awoke and gave thanks again unto the Lord for such an exceedingly beautiful day by each one offering a burnt offering unto the Lord. And the Lord was pleased with them.
10 In as much as they came to barter at the festival of Phish, Nephi and his fellow bretheren began to purchase ice from the local merchants with which to cool down their allotment of mild refreshments. Upon doing this, they began to make their way to the festival.
11 In as much as the festival was quite large, their journey to the gates of the festival was exceedingly long, so much that he and his bretheren began to drink from the mild drinks they brought with them to barter with upon the grounds of the festival.
12 And when they finally step foot within the festival, they left their carriages within which they came and took their mild drinks for barter with them and traveled the roads of the festival, mingling with other who had also brought forth that which to barter.
13 ¶ And they prayed unto the Lord that their mild drinks would find favor among the people of the festival and again offered burnt offerings unto the Lord that he might find favor among them. And the Lord was pleased with them and sent an angel unto Nephi saying, "Nephi, lift up your voices unto your fellow man and profess the mild flavor, the cold refreshment, and the value of thy drink."
14 And upon hearing this, Nephi and his brethern began to sing in unison on the truthfulness of their mild drink in such a way that no man's ear lay deaf to their song. And this, the truthfulness of their song, bore warm upon the hearts of all those who heard them, and the began to trade all their refreshments upon the people of the festival of Phish.
15 ¶ And their came a man unto Nephi named Steven, and the mark of the Lord was with Steven. Steven said unto Nephi, "Nephi, behold, the Lord thy God has blessed me with these mushrooms with which to commune with Jehovah."
16 Nephi said, "what is this with which you speak of?" whereby Steven stated, "A fortnight ago, an angel of the Lord appeared unto me and told me of a great blessing and miracle of the Lord which has been placed for me in a meadow by my cottage. And the angel told me to follow him, which I did, for who can deny the requests of the Lord?"
17 "And upon following him, I came upon a pasture which shown from the light of a full moon above it, and upon this pasture I saw the pasture was covered in mushrooms, as though these mushrooms were grass. And the mushrooms were exceedingly great, in as much as I could not see the end of their expanse."
18 "And the angel said unto me that I should take from the field as I would need for bartering upon the grounds of the festival of Phish."
19 And upon hearing this, Nephi knew of the truthfulness of which he had heard, for the Spirit of the Holy Ghost was present and caused much swelling up upon the heart. Therefore, Nephi began to barter with Steven so that he might know these mushrooms. And they being of the Lord, came to agreement that they would exchange for these mushrooms.
20 ¶ And Nephi, having been told of the ability for these mushrooms to allow one to come forth to the Lord, came upon his knees and prayed unto the Lord that he might know the Lord, inasmuch as a brother, one to another. Upon this prayer, Nephi consumed the Mushrooms by the carriages within which he came unto the festival.
21 And he was lifted up, and his tongue was confounded, and he found himself in strange places, that which he had never walked before. And he was with great fear, and called upon the Lord that He might comfort him.
22 And the Lord appeared before Nephi and said, "Nephi, fear not that which you see, for I am the Lord thy God." And Nephi, being overcome being in the sight of the Lord fell to his knees and began to sing praises unto the Lord.
23 And the Lord asked, "Nephi, why doth thou seak the Lord," wherefore Nephi answered, "Lord, my God, I ask but that you would join us at the festival of Phish, that ye might be upon the face of thy children."
24 ¶ And hearing this, the Lord was pleased, for Nephi came to the Lord that he might share with the Lord the many beauties, love, and happiness. And the Lord granted Nephi's request, in as much as he came unto the festival of Phish.
25 And He and Nephi and his brethern came upon the music of Phish and fell into trance, in as much as they danced. Even as much as they all danced, they began to desire that song which was known as Divided Sky.
26 Therefore, Nephi and his brethern began to pray unto God, and offering up burnt offerings unto the Lord that He might hear their desire.
27 And being that the Lord was with them, he soften the hearts of Phish so that they might hear the desires of the people of the festival. And they began to play Divided Sky. And all who was there found it good and gave thanks unto the Lord.