mms wrote:
My wife is amazing. She has been very understanding. Our relationship, thankfully, is not dependent on both of us having the same beliefs or the same degree of faith at the same time. She will not leave me if I don't believe--she loves me too much. She wants to know what I have learned and wants to talk about it and think about it and try to determine what it means or should mean to our faith, our beliefs. She has no patience for those who would view me differently as a result of my doubts--indeed, if I let her, she would make her feelings known loudly and clearly. She loved me as a leader in the ward and in the stake and I know she loves me just as much if not more as a man struggling to retain my faith. She simply believes that I am "good" and that this goodness does not depend on what I believe, but is inherent in who I am. So, although the outcome is unclear, she sleeps peacefully. I don't.
You are one lucky man!
Let me suggest a weird (unsolicited) twist of attitude in your struggles. As you study, pray, meditate, etc., consider the possibility that your results will lead you out of the church. Many consider this a "loss of faith." I do not. Whatever you transition to in your new belief system, consider it a
strengthening of faith...you will probably be much more comfortable in your spirituality as you will find consistency in your answers and a certain peace in possibilities that make sense with reality.
I consider that becoming more faithful to truth, rather than less. And with a partner that exhibits true unconditional love, you are indeed blessed!