The sex thread

Post by **_Moniker** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 1:15 pm

Well, I've never been with a Mormon man, actually I've never even had relations with a theist of any stripe (that's odd, no?), so maybe I have nothing relevant to add (like usual). But, I gotta say this -- I don't think it really matters all that much the background of the person as long as they embrace sexuality as natural, something they want to explore with their partner, and find that they're comfortable with their partner. I talk to many, many, many, women that just do NOT enjoy sex at ALL. I think this has as much (if not more) to do with HER than with her partner. I mean, really... (maybe I don't geddit) but a woman can be in control in the bedroom if she so chooses... I would think?

I don't think I've been man bashing? Wellll... perhaps like "young" man bashing. My bad. I just gotta say I'd rather be by my lonesome than entertain a 18-25 year old.

Anyway, Gad, I liked your comments. I've read that as well that long term commitment, even without the sexual aspect, can be very satisfying in other ways.

Post by **_Moniker** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 1:19 pm

Then there is my inner battle with the notion of qualia

Yes, don't we all struggle with that inner battle. For sure. ;)

Post by **_Roger Morrison** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:12 pm

sex, Sex, SEX!!! This is a Topic to fragment all Topics... MY wife says, and SHE knows, that women in LDSism, quite likely fair better in bed than do a lot, if not the majority, of nonLDS.

Reasons being, their husbands are never drunk, don't puke in bed, their breath doesn't stink of tobacco (at least ;-) and, LDS men do get the odd lesson, that nonLDS men do not, to show respect, take wives on dates, and be considerate of their wive's needs... Now, if LDS men do not abide such admonishments, it's probably cuz they ain't smart enough. Or are not well equiped: physically, emotionally, mentally, or dispositionally. Actually, many decades ago, Stake Pres asked me to speak on this topic. What good/harm it did??? Some good laughs, and comments. Never mentioned Temple once. And, fun for me...

Now along comes "Viagra" with its warning of a "FOUR HOUR ERRECTION"!! YIKES!!! No priesthood-worthy could abide THAT! Or,??? Better ask wives...

Scottie said:

Yeah, God's little joke. By the time a man figures women out, he's past his sexual prime, and the woman is just entering hers.

Obviously he, and Eddie are young, and speaking without experience. Of course we are aware of the primitive sex-drive, 14-24. It facilitated a very short life expectancy. And by no means is it an unhappy time, for most healthy males, and females.

But really, it's just practice time. Which we certainly need lots of. OTOH, civility and sophistication has progressed us to appreciate seasoned wine, sterling silver polished by the use of generations, priceless old arts and crafts in many forms, and even the wisdom of the sages/ages... However, the old saw, "life begins at 40" is best understood as really, "...begins at "menopause"... Hard to believe kiddies, until yer there...

What really should be considered here, as in many other areas, is Qualitative vs Quantitative, generally not the American WAY... Ya know waddimsayin'?? WARM regards, Roger, passed prime, but... :-0

Post by **_Moniker** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:04 pm

Roger Morrison wrote:
Reasons being, their husbands are never drunk, don't puke in bed, their breath doesn't stink of tobacco (at least ;-) and, LDS men do get the odd lesson, that nonLDS men do not, to show respect, take wives on dates, and be considerate of their wive's needs... Now, if LDS men do not abide such admonishments, it's probably cuz they ain't smart enough.

I think many men understand intuitively that they need to be compassionate and respectful to women -- it does not necessarily stem from LDS indoctrination, it stems from WHAT TYPE OF MAN THEY ARE!

Post by **_beastie** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:04 pm

I think that the sexual "challenges" for married Mormons are quite similar to the challenges in society as a whole, but there are a couple of complicating factors that possibly worsen the situation. We all know coggins and charity will never, never, never admit it, but the teachings of the LDS church about masturbation, as well as the method of repentance (face-to-face confession with an older male, with the possibility of a consequence that everyone in the ward AND your family can "see" - like disfellowship) certainly can poison the individual's ability to feel at ease sexually. Add to this the unfortunate tendency towards presenting sexual sin as almost as bad as MURDER, yada, yada, yada. To me, these factors make it undeniable that any potential sexual dysfunction will be exaggerated in the LDS population.

Anecdotally, when I was in the LDS church, we sisters tended to share some of our attitudes towards the marital bed - maybe inadvertently, and often in the context of brief, sometimes humorous, comments about husbands and marriages. With some exceptions, the LDS women I knew would rather just not have sex at all. There were a couple who felt neglected in that regard. But most felt harassed in that regard, ie, the husband bugged them for sex too much. They were tired, overwhelmed, and a husband nagging for nookie wasn't what they wanted at the end of the day. Sometimes it has to do with feeling like they were taken for granted and not cared for, but a lot of it just seemed to have to do with (for whatever reason) low sex drives.

In society in general, the cliché is that women have lower sex drives than men. I'm not entirely convinced this is true, but maybe it is. I used to think that women who didn't want sex just didn't know how to do it "right" (by "right" I mean accessing the amazing female capacity for mind-blowing orgasms, multiple orgasms, and lengthy orgasms). But then I read some study (somewhere!) that talked about how diverse female sexuality truly is (and, perhaps to a somewhat lesser extend, male sexuality, too). There are women for whom it is "Normal" to have absolutely no desire for sex. But it is also "normal" for other women to have stronger sex drives than men in general. Did nature wire us in such a varied way in order to keep men guessing and anxious, always willing to do whatever it takes to get the nookie and hence perpetuate the species?? Who knows.

Of course men have varied drives, as well, but I suspect females are more evenly spread among the varied types of desires then men. BUT there do exist relationships where the women has a higher sex drive than the man, and that is a hard situation to deal with because of our social training to expect the reverse.

I do believe good sex is a very important element in happy relationships. When one or both partners feel constant sexual frustration, it tends to poison the relationship in other ways.

Post by **_beastie** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:12 pm

I do think it would interesting to delve into whether or not LDS men tend to truly respect women. I didn't grow up LDS with the constant indoctrination that, for example, God only wants males to perform the ordinances of salvation, and wants the husband to be the head of the home. As if often pointed out, it must be odd growing up female in a culture wherein a 12 year old silly little boy can have more power, in terms of saving ordinances, than the most wise and spiritual grandmother. I do have a hard time believing that doesn't subtly poison the LDS male mind and create a sense of superiority, no matter how much the adults around him try to spin it.

Post by **_Moniker** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:14 pm

beastie wrote:
Well I just know that I intend to create as many expectant, anxious men in my lifetime as possible. Urgh. Pissy mood. My bad.

Time for a board break.

LOL!

I do think it would interesting to delve into whether or not LDS men tend to truly respect women. I didn't grow up LDS with the constant indoctrination that, for example, God only wants males to perform the ordinances of salvation, and wants the husband to be the head of the home. As if often pointed out, it must be odd growing up female in a culture wherein a 12 year old silly little boy can have more power, in terms of saving ordinances, than the most wise and spiritual grandmother. I do have a hard time believing that doesn't subtly poison the LDS male mind and create a sense of superiority, no matter how much the adults around him try to spin it.

Ack! haha -- I deleted that.... but, I mean, I hate to use sexuality as a weapon... but sometimes it sort of feels good. Oh, dear, here comes ajax 3...2...1 I know I'm horrid and awful.

Well, I've not seen any more respect and consideration for women on this website than any others... in fact quite a bit less in all actuality than I was accustomed to. Yet, that's probably just me? Probably so.

~~ edited to add~~

There have been some very compassionate, respectful men on this site. Soo... I'm not sure what I'm ranting about. Ignore. :)

Post by **_beastie** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:16 pm

I went back and deleted it when I saw you deleted it! Obviously, we both have itchy trigger fingers this morning. ;)

Post by **_Moniker** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:17 pm

beastie wrote:I went back and deleted it when I saw you deleted it! Obviously, we both have itchy trigger fingers this morning. ;)

I have itchy fingers and a hot head this morning. Never a good combo. :)

Post by **_beastie** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:18 pm

Well, I've not seen any more respect and consideration for women on this website than any others... in fact quite a bit less in all actuality than I was accustomed to. Yet, that's probably just me? Probably so.

No, it's not just you. People who have spent their entire lives as LDS don't have anything for comparison.