I wasted two years of my life

[_Moniker]

Mercury, I can sort of relate... yet it would appear to be diametrically opposed experiences. When I was 18 I too left home. I couldn't return home because I felt an incredible amount of pressure, guilt, and shame. Facing up to my parents and their expectations for me was so terrifying for me that I couldn't recognize anything outside of how I would be viewed in their eyes. I, of course, was doing precisely what they did NOT want me to be doing -- yet, still that pressure of scorn, derision, disappointment is what kept me away from home for the next 3 years. And that of course, is precisely what kept you in your mission.

I'm sorry you regret it. I'm glad you're healing.

[_The Nehor]

Nehor wrote:

Mercury has more than said that he hated his Mission, saw many of the Missionaries as sheep or mental defectives, and that he despised most of what he was doing.

I served with Missionaries like that. I TOLD THEM THEY SHOULD GO HOME. They never did and I couldn't figure out why. They hated their Mission. Why they stayed I do not know. It was like hell to them according to them. They made my life much more difficult. I suspect they've all gone home and are on boards like.......hey, you're not Canadian, are you Merc?

You caught the point without realizing it. You can't understand peer pressure, family pressure, you can't understand how a 19 year old can feel pressured or forced to go. You can't begin to understand the pressure and the humiliation that would occur if you went home early. You just can't understand and that says it all. Sorry your two years was made so difficult.

This goes for you too, Charity. And you can tire of someone saying they were forced to go but you don't understand either. And I am tired of your PolyAnna replies.

I had a brother and 2 friends who came home early. One chose voluntarily to leave, one was forced to leave, and the other was sent home due to transgression. I saw several people sent home and others who chose to leave while I was out. I think I know a little about the phenomenon. I have more respect for those who bowed out than the ones who stayed for no reason I can discern. They both hated the Gospel, the Church, their Mission, and their families come to think of it. I hope the bar raising worked some.

Why have you left out the reaction and responses of family and friends to the homecoming of the above 3 missionaries you refer to? That's what Pokatator was point to, not the circumstances regarding how they left their mission but the social impact on them after they returned home.

Okay, my brother was kind of forced to come home so no problem there though he felt terrible for a bit. My friend who chose to leave adapted well to coming home. I don't know about his family. I never thought much of it. He chose to explain his reasons to me and they seemed sound to me. A few self-righteous girls snubbed him and said they'd never date him. He's now married and has 2 kids. Those girls graduated from YSA through age and not marriage and generally hate men. The last sinned and had a hard road of repentance. He's always been casual about the Gospel (more than me even) and he is still that way. He's incredibly irresponsible and currently can't hold down a job. Fun guy to hang out with though.

[_Jersey Girl]

If a missionary voluntarily cuts short their mission, is the money the family has invested fully refunded?

[_The Nehor]

If a missionary voluntarily cuts short their mission, is the money the family has invested fully refunded?

No, but they don't pay for the rest of it. Otherwise I would have bailed after 23 months and split the refund with my dad. :)

[_charity]

I did read it. That has got to be one of the most uninsightful responses I've ever read on a board and I've been around for a good long while. I see no indication in Mercury's OP that he harbored "anti-belief", if you disagree, I'd like to see what it is that you interpret as "anti-belief" in his statement. He stated that he was on his way out. What does that suggest to you? That he had already lost his belief or was in a process of losing his testimony?

On his way out of the Church. Not just being inactive. ON HIS WAY OUT. What he said. We can only go by what a person says about his attitude.

As anyone with reading comprehension skills can see, he stated that he returned from his mission and continued to try to remain true to the church. [/qoute]

No, check your reading comprehension. He said he was trying to be a "good RM." And kicking himself for doing it. That says nothing about remaining true to the Church. In fact, it says just the opposite.

Again, what is it in his comments that suggest to you that he harbored "anti-belief"?

"On the way out" and "kicking myself" while marrying in the temple. So, when he was getting his temple recommend, he wasn't telling the truth in the interview if he was on the way out and kicking himself.

[_Inconceivable]

A mission is paid by monthly installments. The check is sent in the same envelope used to pay tithing. "Mission fund" is a seperate line. Currently it is $400 worth of blood and treasure per month, over and above 10% paid on net income.

I sold my dream car to serve the mission (restored and paid for by myself). At the time I didn't even consider it a sacrifice. I wanted with all of my heart to serve a mission. I felt a love and compassion for those I had never met. That part was easy. But don't ever get me started on how much that beautiful ride would be worth today - and the fact that they are now untouchable for the rest of my life.

I have two sons that served missions. One several years ago while I was TBM, my second son returned last April. The younger, along with our two others that have not served paid 40% of their increase into a personal and untouchable fund earmarked for the mission from the time they were about 8. Our program was that we pay half of the cost when the time came (about $4500). My younger missionary son was never aware of my disaffection as I continued to encourage him to "preach of Christ" and live within the mission rules. Upon returning, both went fully inactive and rejected the church. No wairing garments - nothing. Even before I threw mine away. My two younger sons will not be going. We are done.

Though I struggled with guilt during and after my service, I kept it too myself all of these years. I would add that my guilt was not for any moral transgression or being a slack missionary. I stayed out of mischief the entire mission (everyone is different, but once out in the field, I kept all the rules). My guilt was because my best was never good enough. Their definition of "my best" was beyond my capacity (and always will be).

Although I became a better public speaker, memorizer, learned the hard way to get along with the most severe of jerks as companions and to be less of one myself (as my wife no doubt is greatful), the benefits to others as well as myself fell well below my expectations.

The church stole that time from me, the friends I left, my family and that of my sons.

[_Inconceivable]

"On the way out" and "kicking myself" while marrying in the temple. So, when he was getting his temple recommend, he wasn't telling the truth in the interview if he was on the way out and kicking himself.

Charity,

You amaze me that you consider yourself even a Mormon Christian. Shame on you for using "Charity" as your screen name. You mock the very concept, ignorantly questioning everyones core beliefs and motives because they have come to reject what is NOT wholesome about your philosophies of man mingled with scripture.

There isn't a day that goes by that you don't butt in and toss defication bombs from why atop your Rameumtum. Self righteous poser. Unteachable - as smart and as understanding as you will ever be.

[_ludwigm]

Jersey Girl and Pokatator,
I get so tired of people saying they were "foreced" to go on a mission, "forced" to marry in the temple.

"force", an old joke:

During WW II, Goebbels, the nazi propaganda minister and his english and american colleague dispute their ability in persuasion, without any result. They invite the rabbi to determine.
The rabbi brings in a cat. - Please, Sirs, convince him to lick his ... er ... um ... backside. -

The english bids lordship. Nothing happens.
The american bids money. Nothing.
Goebbels gets a little mustard, anoint the cat there, and the cat starts to lick and to meow.

There you are! - says Goebbels - He do it with singing.

- - -
To be serious: that age were the better for education. At that age could learn any young man/woman with the biggest efficiency. And that age will be wasted once and for all. Prodigalizing the human resources.

[_Inconceivable]

Jersey Girl and Pokatator,

I get so tired of people saying they were "foreced" to go on a mission, "forced" to marry in the temple.

I know many, many members that were frightened and coerced into serving a mission and even marrying in the temple.

The bishop that sent me on a mission served only to avoid the draft.
My son's best friend does not want to go on a mission. He is terrified to cross his parents in the matter. It is his legacy.

You are naïve.

[_truth dancer]

An eighteen year old young man is getting ready to serve a mission.

He is struggling with his testimony and unsure if he should go.

His Bishop gives him a blessing and in it, he states that his testimony will grow strong as he serves, that he will bless the lives of others, that he is doing God's will. He states that Christ is asking him to help spread the truth upon the earth.

The young man prays and puts his faith in his inspired leaders. He decides to go and later regrets it.

Response? You are a chicken. Stupid and weak.

He decides not to go and no longer believes in the LDS church.

Response? He didn't follow the council of his priesthood leaders. He didn't have enough faith. He didn't pray with enough intent. He didn't work hard enough.

(sigh)

~dancer~