Scottie wrote:It would be nice so that we know what not to do.
Well....
Don't: *
Don't be controversial.
Don't be Disrespectful.
Don't diss Mormonism.
Don't cheek the mods.
Don't discuss s.e.x.
Don't get anatomical re God.
Don't talk temple.
Don't do Godwin.
Don't say anything they don't like, even if you don't know what that is.
And like that. :)
Do:
Watch your tone!
Plus:
Don't do anything they perceive as pushing it or anything they don't like on any given day, without example or warning. (Such as getting irked by the FLDS thing).
*as defined by LDS MA&Dites.
In short, I finally came to the conclusion that really they seem to want no ex-members or decided non-mos there. I think it would be better to just put that in the board rules, if my impression is correct. I think they want to just talk between themselves and have gentle and fulfilling discussions with non-members/non-critics who show up. I'm not trying to be smart there - I honestly think that. And if so, well, that's their right.
I didn't realize, for example, that the two worst things I could say when I first went there were:
1. I was an ex-member who had been to the temple; and
2. I posted at RfM. (Of course, that can get you slapped HERE! :)
It reminds me of trying to be a good church member - I didn't know they didn't like you asking questions or not conforming 100%. Why didn't they just say that BEFORE they urged me to get baptized? So it is with MA&D, to me. I think they don't realize how truly confusing it is to try and figure out invisible rules and nuances. It is just so obvious to them that they think you are transgressing or pushing or attacking when really you are just trying to participate in a good discussion. Sometimes, of course, people are purposely being obnoxious or disrespectful. Too bad, though, that others get caught as collateral damage. I guess it all depends on what they want their board to be like, same as anywhere. I do think that once you start stifling expression it's hard to stop. If, for instance, MA&D truly wanted to engage critics, they'd have to put up with the expression of opinions that God does not exist or that Mormonism has flaws or that truth is non-exclusive, etc. They might do so if the "critic" or questioner is not an ex-member. I think they take it somewhat personally that you've left the church. I noted a short time ago that that is even more so the case when you've also been to the temple (in a thread about whether ex-temple-goers can be trusted in anything). I didn't really want to try and figure out how as an ex-member/temple-goer I could post without crossing any boundaries there. Given their preconceptions, some of which are faulty, I think it is quite easy for them to see offence where none is meant.
And so, you get warnings and bannings and the ones affected are often surprised. It remains for anyone who wants to continue participating there to try and figure out how to hang onto posting privileges. I try to understand and be respectful and sensitive and yet I have been told off a good few times, always to my surprise. I even had an entire post deleted there - I've never seen them do that before. Other posts on the same thread were discussing Joseph Smith and polygamy and I weighed in with my general opinion, nothing specific. I got told off for discussing "sex" and deleted. Wow. But that is how you learn and hopefully live to post another day, if you want to.
It is, of course, their right to have the board they want and to mod it in a way to accomplish that but they do make it somewhat obscure for would-be posters to know exactly what is or is not okay. It's unfortunate not to get some warning though.
Is being banned a permanent condition?