consiglieri wrote:I followed a similar path, Infymus.
I remember during the 1980's reading book after book on LDS Doctrine, struggling to learn things and finding myself blocked at virtually every turn.
I learned early to not expect anything from GA books and so avoided them.
What I ended up doing was reading the same things over and over again. I valued books by Joseph Fielding McConkie because he was capable of fresh insights here and there, though they were imbedded in books containing the same old thing. But the drudgery was worth it to me to find the nuggets.
I spent a great deal of time doing exactly this. I read everything I could get my hands on. I must have spent several thousand dollars on every new book that came out from a GA. I also read Joseph F. Smith, Bruce McConkie, Ezra Benson, Spencer Kimball, a great deal of time with James E. Talmage, studied all of the prophets, was greatly confused by the school of the prophets and much of what was in the JOD... I even got into BS sold by Deseret Book like The Prophecies of Joseph Smith by Duane Crowther. This author exaggerated the prophecies made by Joseph Smith, but they were tiny nuggets I wanted to see. I was sick of all the thee, thou, thine crap.
I even got into Covey - I was looking for answers and I found .. Nothing. Once in a while a small nugget of information, but really each book I got post 1980 was virtually the same thing. Regurgitated talks - over and over and over. A GA would come out with a book that had some small personal things in it - and then 90% of the book would just be a whole bunch of quotes from other GAs or the Book of Mormon. I got really tired of the rehash and latter 90's, I stopped buying their books completely.
None of these guys had the answers I was looking for. The answers actually started coming when I began reading literature outside of Mormonism. Psychology, philosophy from non Mormon authors. I began to see the difference between the payment model of Mormonism - to the true facts of non Mormonism. Mormonism hinged on the fact that ALL blessings only came with a full payment of tithing and complete faith and non sin. Any new sin just added or reactivated the old sin. It was a depressing cycle.
It wasn't until a year or two after I left Mormonism that the real stuff became available to me. RFM really opened my eyes. It's the primary reason I created the Mormon Curtain - to cull all of that information and put it in one highly categorized place. When I left Mormonism I gave away over a dozen boxes of Books to my Mormon neighbors - except two from Spencer Kimball - for which I destroyed as nobody should have to read that horrible tripe.
I am amazed you stay in there and listen to the cog dis. The obvious manipulations. The regurgitated talks. The watered down doctrine. The cycle of depression Mormonism brings. I couldn't do it. I would get up and walk straight out and just face the issues it would bring with my family. But that's me. It's the same reason why now I avoid going into a Mormon chapel if I can absolutely avoid it. I was in a ward house in September to attend the funeral of my murdered brother this year. Was a beautiful service until the Bishop got up at the end and droned on about the Mormon heaven, eternal life, temples, plan of salvation and all that claptrap. And it just brought back those memories.
Best of luck as you stick it out.