What Happens After Suicide?

[_charity]

Thank you all for your words of sympathy. However, I truly did want and need a variety of personal views on what happens after suicide...for the victims as well as myself. A couple of you added links I have looked at and are helpful...

I am "stuck" in a spot where I thought I would never be and I don't know where to go or what to do to make things better. Half of my family is gone--my husband and my only daughter at 22. I waited 36 years to have her. We were so close. I am at a lost. There is now only my son who lives in Louisiana and myself. He has built a life for himself and is looking towards the future, as he should.

What about my future? I planned it once with a husband; I reconstructed it once again after his death. Presently, I am out of personal reconstruction energy. I am supposed to be entering those Golden Years we worked so hard for.
I just wish I could have my old life back.

I am angry with my husband. By his own suicide he has given my children permission that suicide was an option, an avenue to solve seemingly insolvable problems. One incredible daughter has already been taken from me...

By LDS theology, the person who committs suicide is understood to have been not held responsible for that action, and the Lord will be merciful. A dear friend of my mother lost a son to suicide. Some years later she received a personal visitation from him to assure her that he was fine. You need have no worries or concerns about them.

As for you and your other child, you both need counseling. Your anger at your husband is to be expected. You are right. His suicide did, in essence, give your daughter a model of behavior of how to react to excruciating pain. It is also to be expected that you would feel a deep sense of betrayal. Surely any individual would know that if they committ suicide the grief that would visit on the surviving family members would be terrible. It isn't far from that to question whether or not they cared for you.

I was not a grief counselor, but I taught a course or death and dying for years at a college. I spoke with many people who had experienced horrific loses. (The course drew many people who had suffered great losses.) My advice is for you to get into a support group. Get counseling for both of you. Realize that the answers to some of the questions you have now will be revealed in time. You will be able to find a satisfying life. You don't need to make decisions now. In my personal circle of friends is an individual who's husband commiitted suicide, two families whose sons were killed by drunk drivers, a family whose child was murdered. They have all been able to put their lives together again and have good lives now.

Please know that there will be brighter days.

[_Wintersfootsteps]

Hypatia,

I am so sorry you are going through this, I have lost several family members in this way and while I in no way understand what it is like to lose a husband and daughter, I understand the thought process in wondering where they are and if they are okay.

When it comes down to it, no one KNOWS anything about where they are.

One thing I do know is that I consider you a friend. If you need ANYTHING, please email me. We live in the same area, and I would love nothing more than to meet you in person someday. I respect you more than you know, you are a strong woman.

Love you,
Sydney

[_Doctor Steuss]

Thank you all for your words of sympathy. However, I truly did want and need a variety of personal views on what happens after suicide...for the victims as well as myself.

Well, as for the victim, I honestly don’t know. I would love to tell you that they are in a place of perfect bliss, no longer tormented by their inner demons. I would love to tell you that you will be reunited with them one day, and be able to express to them your anger, your sorrow, and how hard life was without them by your side. I would love to tell you that I know those things are what happen. Unfortunately, I don’t know. I believe they are, and I hope that my “beliefs” are right, but in the end, I don’t know.

As for you, the only person that knows what will happen is you. They closed the chapters of your life which had them as participatory characters, but they have not closed your book. Although I have known (and continue to know) darkness, I also realize that my “darkness” is in no way the same was yours. But, to me, the fact that you have shared your tragedy to shows that you are at least trying to avoid becoming a victim yourself. Despite your anguish, I believe you are much stronger than you may currently feel.

I’m not sure where you live, but hopefully you can find a support group for Survivors of Suicide. One thing that always amazed me when I attended the annual SOS conferences is the amount of strength brought about by common sorrow. I don’t know if that makes sense… I hope it does.

I think the best advice you can receive right now will probably be from those who 1) can relate, or 2) are qualified to give such advice. You may want to consider medication to help you through this initial shock as you search for some form of normality.

I am deeply sorry (I truly am) for your loss. It breaks my heart and makes me wonder why some survive, yet others do not. If you ever need someone to remind you to “breathe,” feel free to shoot me an email/PM.

Hugs,
Stu

[_hypatia]

Looks like I really did it this time...I thought I would be rather incognito. I hadn't realized so many posters are at multiple sites. My user name must have been a dead giveaway, also.
Thanks winterfootsteps....when I read the interchanges you have between yourself and your mom, I have to smile a bit...there was a similar closeness between my daughter and myself. Cherish the moments.

[_Wintersfootsteps]

As for my personal beliefs about death/dying, I had lots of time to think about it.

My senior year in high school my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was so rare that the doctor who diagnosed him gave him only three days to live. I was shocked, because he was always so healthy. How could someone so healthy have something so bad? Dad fought and fought and died 4 months later. I had time to prepare myself for his death, but it certainly didn't make it any easier.

The night my father passed away, we were all around his hospital bed. The door to the hospital room opened and closed 2 times with no person to be seen. My Dad could barely move he was so weak, but he turned his head to the door and smiled. He passed away less than a minute later. It could be that I want to believe someone was there to greet him, but I was not the only one who noticed the door. It proves nothing, I know... but it comforts me.

I decided that I didn't necessarily agree with the LDS Church's views of heaven. I don't believe there are levels, or ways to become Gods ourselves... but I do believe there is a place where we see our friends and family again.

[_bcspace]

Although it is wrong to take one's own life, a person who commits suicide may not be responsible for his or her acts. Only God can judge such a matter. Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said: "Obviously, we do not know the full circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details, and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth. "When he does judge us, I feel he will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical makeup, our mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received, the traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth" ("Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not," Ensign, Oct. 1987, 8).

[_Trinity]

Thank you all for your words of sympathy. However, I truly did want and need a variety of personal views on what happens after suicide...for the victims as well as myself. A couple of you added links I have looked at and are helpful...

I am "stuck" in a spot where I thought I would never be and I don't know where to go or what to do to make things better. Half of my family is gone--my husband and my only daughter at 22. I waited 36 years to have her. We were so close. I am at a lost. There is now only my son who lives in Louisiana and myself. He has built a life for himself and is looking towards the future, as he should.

What about my future? I planned it once with a husband; I reconstructed it once again after his death. Presently, I am out of personal reconstruction energy. I am supposed to be entering those Golden Years we worked so hard for.
I just wish I could have my old life back.

I am angry with my husband. By his own suicide he has given my children permission that suicide was an option, an avenue to solve seemingly insolvable problems. One incredible daughter has already been taken from me...

When my 15 year old daughter attempted suicide after the suicide of her 18 year old boyfriend (who kindly stripped her of her virginal innocence before he headed to the hills), I was very, very angry at the boyfriend for the very reason you just stated. By doing this, my daughter somehow felt it was ok to do that as well so she could be with him away from the troubles of the world. I wanted to pour gasoline on his gravesite and burn it, that's how angry I was.

Honestly, I think the anger helped me survive the whole ordeal. It gave me just enough feeling and energy to keep me going. I also think it gave me someone to blame so I wouldn't place the responsibility of her actions on myself.

I wondered about other children when you initially posted. I second the suggestion that both you and your son go in and get a gut check from a therapist. There are also some splendid anti-anxiety/depression medications that can help you sleep. I am a huge believer that good sleep is vital to being able to physically and emotionally tackle these kind of trials.

[_Wintersfootsteps]

Looks like I really did it this time...I thought I would be rather incognito. I hadn't realized so many posters are at multiple sites. My user name must have been a dead giveaway, also.
Thanks winterfootsteps....when I read the interchanges you have between yourself and your mom, I have to smile a bit...there was a similar closeness between my daughter and myself. Cherish the moments.

You are welcome hypatia, and remember that I am here for you, okay? I could use a good photography partner if you ever want to go out for a hike or something. :)