Who Knows wrote:ScottLloyd wrote:So more than anything else, I'm upset with myself, for waiting for so long before I did my DD on the church. On the other hand, I probably wasn't equipped to do it till maybe my mid-twenties anyways. And I certainly wasn't capable of doing it when I was 8 years old...
If I'd done the DD you're talking about (ie: reading more about early Mormon history from a variety of sources, not just the lesson manuals and whatnot promoted by the church) in my early 20s, I think the result would have been that I would have assumed that the church was true and that somehow the stuff I was reading was somehow suspect. If I had accepted that it was likely really true, I would have found ways around it disproving the prophetic nature of Joseph Smith by the kinds of mental gymnastics people like Richard Bushman engage in. Barring that, I would have dismissed it as not important to my salvation.
It took a very long time for the chinks in the armor of my faith, which before, during, and for years after my mission was absolute, to grow large enough for serious and reasonably objective engagement with the evidence to have been possible. To someone with an absolute testimony of the truthfulness of the church, evidence that it's not really true must unavoidably either A) not be what it seems, or B) not mean what it seems to mean, or C) be something the Lord will unfold for us in the hereafter. It actually being evidence of the church's non-truthiness is simply not an option.
And this really explains the apologists, actually. They're still at this point. It really doesn't matter to someone like Bushman what he knows about Joseph Smith. He believes Joseph Smith was a real prophet of a God who actually exists, so those three rules
automatically apply.
Mormonism ceased being a compelling topic for me when I finally came to terms with its transformation from a personality cult into a combination of a real estate company, a SuperPac, and Westboro Baptist Church. - Kishkumen