fatherhood is a non-issue in the church. Missionaries can call home on Mother's day, but not Father's day. My wife's SM on Mother's day was the typical Mother's Day SM with lots of flowery praise for mother and having all the women in the congregation stand up and be recognized. Father's day was dry-council Sunday with the talks on Obedience and finding happiness in service in the church (really).
Fatherhood isn't important - priesthood duties are more important in the eyes of the church. Motherhood is the consolation prize that God threw out once he ran out of the good stuff. But like William H. Macy's character in "Pleasantville", the man is utterly helpless without the woman doing everything for him. You don't notice the doormat you have been wiping your feet on for years until it is gone and your floor is now all muddy.
I guess one could speculate that the history of the church may be a factor in this odd situation. In the days of polygamy, it really was all about the mother in the home. Father was just a visitor now and then. Intact polygamous families had the same sort of problems that today's divorced families do - an absent father, and the attendant problems - lack of resources and emotional support. Add to that the fact that the early church often sent fathers on missions that lasted literally years - and it does seem that fatherhood was more of a titular position.
Another odd thing just occurred to me - Mormons always claim they're trying to follow the pattern Heavenly Father set. Yet Heavenly Father is the more proactive, interactive parents with us on earth. Heavenly Mother is just a titular position - the exact opposite of the LDS pattern.
I always hated mother's day when I was LDS. Most LDS women I knew did feel like doormats. Of course, that may have been true in the larger culture, as well, although maybe to a less extent, given the LDS devotion to gender roles. While the amount of time a man spends on childcare and housecare has increased notably over the past few decades, it's still dwarfed by the amount of time the female spends on the same duties. And this is for couples where both work outside the home. I'll never forget a joke someone started their teary mother's day talk with in the LDS church (I probably remember it because it seemed to sum up everything that bothered me about the issue). It was a husband, talking about his wife in the SM talk. The joke was this: after having studied magnets, a first grade teacher introduced a review lesson to her class by asking: what begins with M and picks up things? A child eagerly raised his hand and responded: MOTHER. (insert uproarious laughter)
As if that joke wasn't obnoxious enough, the husband then proceeded to confess how much he takes his wife for granted, and how much she does around the house. But he's SO GRATEFUL TO HER on Mother's day.
My internal thoughts were, of course, if you realize you're taking your wife for granted, and you realize she does more around the house than you do, get up off your ass and do as much as she does. Believe me, she'd appreciate that far more than an emotional talk once a year on Mother's day.
