Found the truth, what next?

[_Yoda]

I don't wish your situation on anyone. I don't know your wife, but I realize it must be difficult. Also, I'm a believing TBM so I'm not sure I have anything to offer. Just wanted to express my own concern. I'm sure its difficult. Good luck. I would say pray, but ya know.

Don't be a flippin' flamin' coward and hypocrite by being one thing to your ward and a different anonymous person here. Be consistent and above-board, not a groveling worm afraid of his wife and shadow.

Like many or most here, I might add.

Comparing these two responses I would have to say:
I know there are still some Stemelbow type members who attend the LDS church, but I know plenty more YahooBot types in the church.

I have to respond to this. Actually, in real life, there are more LDS members who I know who would respond the way Stem did. Now, the Internet is a different story. Unfortunately, the Internet seems to bring out the worst in some people. I sincerely hope that Yahoo Bot's performance here, like Will Schryver's, is all an act. I would hate to think that either of these men are that hateful in person to members of their family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintences who might be struggling with the Church.

Most Mormons I know are very genuine, caring people. Yes, you will find some jerks, but I think you can find jerks in and out of the Church.

Winston, welcome to the board. Like Jason, Harmony, Just Me, and several other members of the MDB community here, I also regularly attend the LDS Church, hold a calling, and am considered an active member. However, there are points about the Church, like polygamy, blacks and priesthood, etc. that I take issue with. For me, personally, the pure gospel of Jesus Christ, and the goodness found in the knowledge that He lives overrides these other factors in my decision to continuing to attend Church. My husband, children, and extended family are very active, and I have grown up in the LDS Church. My personal view is that I don't think that God really cares where I worship Him as long as I do. So, rather than upset the apple cart, and attempt to reinvent the wheel, the decision that has brought me the most peace is to continue attending.

Everyone is different, and has to make the decision that is best for them, and for their family circumstances. I am just sharing what has worked for me. I hope things work out for you, and you are in my prayers.

[_Scottie]

I say don't attempt any disengenuous tricks like Scottie is advocating. I imagine the trick will be exposed at some point and you'll be left looking like a insincere jerk.

In a way, I agree with you.

It's terribly unfortunate that Mormonism forces people to resort to such low and despicable tricks just to get the other spouse to even see why it might be fathomable to question the church.

Stem, if you have better advice on how to get a believing spouse to understand how someone might question the church without risking divorce, I'd love to hear it.

Although, I would say that Mike Norton on The Church Is Not True podcast had a good approach. He would say something like, "I WANT to believe!! PLEASE! My eternal salvation is on the line! I'm begging you, find a good answer to these problems!" Unfortunately, in my experience, the problems themselves go largely un-addressed and the believer will beg you to ignore the problems and simply pray to regain your testimony. It's extremely difficult to get a believer to understand why problems are actually problems!

When I was leaving the church, I was bombarded with people who knew somebody that knew all the answers. If I could just talk to Brother so-and-so, I'd leave satisfied. I agreed a few times, and found that 80% of them didn't even know the basic problems, let alone the answers! I spent more time explaining why problem x is actually a real problem and not just an anti-Mormon lie. Those that did know the problems either gave me the rote FARMS "answers" or told me to shelve them and pray. Never ONCE did anyone come close to providing a solid answer.

[_Rambo]

I find most members don't know what an apologist is. That's when I pretty much stop the conversation because I realize they haven't really looked at the issues much at all!

[_Ceeboo]

Hmmmmmm?

Perhaps (as a never-Mo), I should refrain from posting/suggesting anything more than I already have in this thread? I really don't know?

But..........................................to be entirely honest, some of this thread doesn't sit well with me at all, to say the least. (Sneaky, misleading, integrity, character. To name a mere few)

For many reasons, I should probably not post this but after a lot of consideration given, I will offer the short version for what it's worth.

The most important thing to do when facing a situation (I don't care if it involves personal struggle, health issues, pain points, emotions, financial crisis, faith based issues, etc, etc) is to go to our spouse, with love, respect, and honesty (again perhaps I am wrong but it screams to me that we owe that courtesy to eachother in marriage, as well as to protect the very foundation of honesty and unification that marriage ought to be rooted in) (My opinion)

In short, this is not a time for games, ploys, or hiding from the most precious people in our lives.

It is a time for hugs, sharing, understanding, compassion, and togetherness no matter what else may or may not evolve outside of this marriage.

Anyway, just my take.

Good wishes to Winston (Sorry if I am not staying in my lane)

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Themis]

I say don't attempt any disengenuous tricks like Scottie is advocating. I imagine the trick will be exposed at some point and you'll be left looking like a insincere jerk.

I would suggest ways to let her learn the same problems he does that allow her not to get her defenses up, and then give her the time needed to digest the information. The problem is much of the information that is accurate can be seen as anti simply because it the accurate information shows the church is not what it claims to be.

[_Rambo]

The most important thing to do when facing a situation (I don't care if it involves personal struggle, health issues, pain points, emotions, financial crisis, faith based issues, etc, etc) is to go to our spouse, with love, respect, and honesty (again perhaps I am wrong but it screams to me that we owe that courtesy to eachother in marriage, as well as to protect the very foundation of honesty and unification that marriage ought to be rooted in) (My opinion)

Ceeboo, I think you are a good guy but I think this is very dangerous as well. You really don't know Mormonism as intimate as many of us here do. It is deep rooted into peoples skin and a husband leaving the church or a wife, I think in most cases causes a divorce.

I'm friends with a Mormon girl and it's been a year since she divorced her husband. I don't know all the details but the only thing she talks about is because he left the church. I think she still kind of loves him but she can't be with him because she wants someone to take her to the CK.

It's good to be open and honest but I think it all depends on the situation and how much your wife loves the church. I would come otu with concerns slowly and not all at once. That way you are being honest but you are taking your time.

[_Themis]

Hmmmmmm?

Perhaps (as a never-Mo), I should refrain from posting/suggesting anything more than I already have in this thread? I really don't know?

But..........................................to be entirely honest, some of this thread doesn't sit well with me at all, to say the least. (Sneaky, misleading, integrity, character. To name a mere few)

For many reasons, I should probably not post this but after a lot of consideration given, I will offer the short version for what it's worth.

The most important thing to do when facing a situation (I don't care if it involves personal struggle, health issues, pain points, emotions, financial crisis, faith based issues, etc, etc) is to go to our spouse, with love, respect, and honesty (again perhaps I am wrong but it screams to me that we owe that courtesy to eachother in marriage, as well as to protect the very foundation of honesty and unification that marriage ought to be rooted in) (My opinion)

In short, this is not a time for games, ploys, or hiding from the most precious people in our lives.

It is a time for hugs, sharing, understanding, compassion, and togetherness no matter what else may or may not evolve outside of this marriage.

Anyway, just my take.

Good wishes to Winston (Sorry if I am not staying in my lane)

Peace,
Ceeboo

I understand why you think this, and I agree with some of it, but I also realize you do not understand why allowing them time to digest new information is so important. I am not advocating for any tricks, but I also know the problems that can happen by bringing it all up at once. This is not something like a health problem or any of the other examples you listed. The problem is that he didn't bring it up when he was first studying the issues with her, so she has not had the necessary time to deal with the information, and she needs this without thinking her husband no longer believes. It would most likely be a disaster if he does.

[_stemelbow]

I would suggest ways to let her learn the same problems he does that allow her not to get her defenses up, and then give her the time needed to digest the information. The problem is much of the information that is accurate can be seen as anti simply because it the accurate information shows the church is not what it claims to be.

I would say be far more charitable than that. Afterall, chances are, even if faced with the information she'll wish to remain and stay active LDS, since most LDS rely heavily on spiritual experience as their driving force rather than disputed historical claims, discrepancies, and outright shenanigans.

[_Some Schmo]

The most important thing to do when facing a situation (I don't care if it involves personal struggle, health issues, pain points, emotions, financial crisis, faith based issues, etc, etc) is to go to our spouse, with love, respect, and honesty (again perhaps I am wrong but it screams to me that we owe that courtesy to eachother in marriage, as well as to protect the very foundation of honesty and unification that marriage ought to be rooted in) (My opinion)

In short, this is not a time for games, ploys, or hiding from the most precious people in our lives.

It is a time for hugs, sharing, understanding, compassion, and togetherness no matter what else may or may not evolve outside of this marriage.

This sounds entirely reasonable, and I completely agree that in an ideal world, this is what people would do. It's certainly what adults would do.

However, when confronted with a loved one that has been brainwashed by a cult, it's a volatile situation and it's best to proceed with tremendous caution if one cares about said brainwashed loved one. In many ways, growing up in the church makes a person retain a lot of childishness and not ready for the frank openness you're advocating. There's a reason they call themselves "a child of god."

[_Themis]

I'm friends with a Mormon girl and it's been a year since she divorced her husband. I don't know all the details but the only thing she talks about is because he left the church. I think she still kind of loves him but she can't be with him because she wants someone to take her to the CK.

This is important. Most non-lds do not understand this well because they don't have this idea of celestial marriage and a non-believing spouse would no longer be married to them in the next life.