c
oggins,
You are utterly clueless. I know you haven't ever paid a whit of attention to my story, and you have it wrong on every point. I guess when you're chanting the mantra "apostates never believed to begin with", it keeps from you having to hear what other people actually say.
No Beastie, I'm not clueless, I'm just aware of that which many at FAIR and the MAD boards are aware of, which is that you have all the marks of an intellectual poseur who is not all he pretends he is cracked up to be.
I joined the church at age 19, after praying and receiving what I believed to be a powerful testimony of the Book of Mormon. I will never deny the strength of that experience, and have never denied it. I simply interpret it differently today, and realize that people from all sorts of religious persuasions have similiar experiences, and tend to attach it to dogma, when, in reality, it seems to be unrelated to specific beliefs.
I thank you for your assistance here in corroborating and proving my point. Latter Day Saints who have experienced revelation and received the testimony of the Holy Spirit do not
believe they have received it. Wittingly or no, you have here simply substantiated the dominant patters of apostasy with which the Church, its members, and its leaders are conversant. Yes, others outside the Church have similar experiences, but they do not and cannot have the same experiences without approaching and complying with the requirements of the Gospel.
You have either left the Church because you have denied something you
believed, or something you
knew to be true, and if the latter, my deepest sympathies because this implies a character bereft of even a glimmer of intellectual integrity, and I don't think that of you regardless of my strong opposition to your teachings and views. Your semantic play with the concept of testimony, however, I've encountered before; and it presents as a rationalization process that seeks distance between the experience of testimony and the other human agendas and desires that have pushed it aside.
Anyone who "believes" he or she has a testimony would probably be well advised to continue the quest to obtain it, if that is their desire, because that's not the definition of testimony nor is it a term faithful LDS use to describe it, at least never in my experience.
I was an active believer for the next 15 years of my life, helping to convert the rest of my family, graduating from BYU, serving a mission in France, marrying in the temple, serving in many callings. I struggled for years before losing my faith, and pled with God over and over to help me preserve my faith. He didn't.
I cannot possibly comment on a subject personal anecdote regarding your onw inner psychological states and your perception of your relationship with God. However, I can unequivocally state that I've struggled just as hard as you or any other LDS with some doctrinal and historical issues and prayed to God to sustain my testimony and help me find answers, and
he has. What your situation is, I have no idea.
But perhaps if I had just been willing to close my eyes and continue believing no matter what, I could have preserved my faith like you and others. But I just do not have it in me to be a True Believer.
Now your doing exactly what you accuse me of doing: assuming things about your "story" without direct knowledge or experience. I haven't preserved my faith through some serious theological questioning, problems of LDS history, and 25 years of alcoholism by closing my eyes to anything. What's really going to irk you here, Beastie, is that my program of testimony sustenance has been deep study and reflection, endless reading and research, the questioning of others more knowledgeable than I in various areas, and, most importantly, prayer, scripture study, and trying to live the Gospel as best I can under very trying conditions.
Why we arrived at different points after all this is a question you will have to answer for yourself, I suppose.
The face of sin today often wears the mask of tolerance.
- Thomas S. Monson