BCSpace, what if your wife became a disbeliever in LDS??

[_Yoda]

If Liz vouches for him, I'm more inclined to believe.

Thanks, BC. Ya ol' softie! ;)

[_John Larsen]

Are any moderators out there?

Yes, there are. Why do you ask?

You'll have to be far more specific than that.

The correct answer is "What is wanted?". I am disappointed.

[_moksha]

Are any moderators out there?

Yes, there are. Why do you ask?

You'll have to be far more specific than that.

I didn't ask just to call attention to PPBoaz's somewhat offensive way of needling Bcspace, but the fact that the question seemed designed to elicit a response from a single individual thus making it off-topic worthy. There are a number of forums here and I only have a vague understanding of what goes where and why. Since the moderators did see this, I assume personalized topics are allowable here.

[_Yoda]

I posted this on Who Knows' thread, but I think it's worth re-posting here:


BC, in light of your answer to PP's question, I think I understand your answer here in a little bit different context.

You stated that if your wife came to you and said, "I don't believe in the Church anymore" that you would not leave her. You would stay with her because you love her. If she wanted a divorce, you would grant one, but you wouldn't leave her.

Coming from that stance, you think it is silly, or even cowardice to hide from someone you love how you truly feel about something so important, because, in your mind, the choice is simple. The bond between the couple should be strong enough to withstand it, so why bother skulking around and hiding?

Hopefully, however, you can also recognize that admitting you are seeing an entire way of life differently is scary. It is especially scary when that spouse who you are so connected with and care so much about, is still wrapped up in those old beliefs.

From what I know of WK's situation, I don't think he acted in a cowardice way. He was up front with his wife about his feelings regarding the Church. He didn't hide anything.

At the same time, however, he was not hostile toward his wife, her attitude toward the Church, or her beliefs. As a matter of fact, he continued to support her in her callings by helping out with the kids when needed, etc. He didn't push his views on her, but allowed her to discover for herself what would be best for their situation.

[_Yoda]

I didn't ask just to call attention to PPBoaz's somewhat offensive way of needling Bcspace, but the fact that the question seemed designed to elicit a response from a single individual thus making it off-topic worthy. There are a number of forums here and I only have a vague understanding of what goes where and why. Since the moderators did see this, I assume personalized topics are allowable here.

Yes, unlike MAD, personalized topics are allowed as long as they deal with the topic of Mormonism.

[_BishopRic]

I would hope that BC would stay with his wife based on his love for her. (Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic...always will be.)

Indeed. Such would certainly make the 1 Cor 7:14 pronouncement easier to live with.

I've worked with a few TBM/EXMO couples, and I find the only way for the marriage to survive with intimacy is for each to see the other as completely okay -- not needing changing (or converting). When one thinks his/her way is better, or "righter" than the other, there cannot be true intimacy.

Many couples stay together to keep extended family peace, or other reasons, but rarely is there the deep love that exists when they saw each other as equal. Hard to do in Mormon culture, but sometimes do-able with counseling.

[_bcspace]

BC, in light of your answer to PP's question, I think I understand your answer here in a little bit different context.

You stated that if your wife came to you and said, "I don't believe in the Church anymore" that you would not leave her. You would stay with her because you love her. If she wanted a divorce, you would grant one, but you wouldn't leave her.

Bingo.

Coming from that stance, you think it is silly, or even cowardice to hide from someone you love how you truly feel about something so important, because, in your mind, the choice is simple. The bond between the couple should be strong enough to withstand it, so why bother skulking around and hiding?

Bingo. Though, as I stated before, I wasn't even considering that. I was just commenting on the intellectual dishonesty of going through the motions with something you don't believe in.

Hopefully, however, you can also recognize that admitting you are seeing an entire way of life differently is scary. It is especially scary when that spouse who you are so connected with and care so much about, is still wrapped up in those old beliefs.

From what I know of WK's situation, I don't think he acted in a cowardice way. He was up front with his wife about his feelings regarding the Church. He didn't hide anything.

At the same time, however, he was not hostile toward his wife, her attitude toward the Church, or her beliefs. As a matter of fact, he continued to support her in her callings by helping out with the kids when needed, etc. He didn't push his views on her, but allowed her to discover for herself what would be best for their situation.

I do so recognize and appreciate that, however, since I come from a perspective that certain principles Trump relationships, it doesn't change my assessment of anyone who persists more than a little while as a member after knowing for themselves that they don't believe and aren't even trying to any more.

One reason for this is because I believe it more likely that the outcome for WK's wife would have been far better if WK had been honest immediately. She might have reacted by moving closer to the Church in the face of such honesty whereas WK's actual modus operandi sounds more like leading someone slowly and carefully down to hell.

[_moksha]

I didn't ask just to call attention to PPBoaz's somewhat offensive way of needling Bcspace, but the fact that the question seemed designed to elicit a response from a single individual thus making it off-topic worthy. There are a number of forums here and I only have a vague understanding of what goes where and why. Since the moderators did see this, I assume personalized topics are allowable here.

Yes, unlike MAD, personalized topics are allowed as long as they deal with the topic of Mormonism.

So for instance, if Pirate makes a thread about her having an inward sneeze but adds, "just like Joseph Smith", then it is on track?
Makes sense.... Wait a minute, that could be a great new addition to say after opening a chinese forune cookie - "just like Joseph Smith".

[_Yoda]

I do so recognize and appreciate that, however, since I come from a perspective that certain principles Trump relationships, it doesn't change my assessment of anyone who persists more than a little while as a member after knowing for themselves that they don't believe and aren't even trying to any more.

He actually didn't. He was honest with both his wife and his Church leaders about his stance.

One reason for this is because I believe it more likely that the outcome for WK's wife would have been far better if WK had been honest immediately.

But WK was honest with her. She knew he didn't believe anymore. Her supported HER choice to go to church, and to take the kids, but she knew where he stood, and so did the kids.

[_Yoda]

Makes sense.... Wait a minute, that could be a great new addition to say after opening a chinese forune cookie - "just like Joseph Smith".

As opposed to adding - "in bed" ?

;)