TD: Yes, I think polygyny is abusive.
BC: How so?
Liz: Oh, Lord, you REALLY asked TD that question?
Inc: TD, tell us what you really think?
I wrote a post to this last night but it disappeared into cyberspace. ARRGGHHH! Then we had a tornado warning and well, I didn't get back to it. :-)
Ok... here ya go! :-)
in my opinion, the very dynamic of polygyny is abuse for the same reason slavery in and of itself is abusive. In other words, regardless of how kind a slaveholder is, slaves are still slaves and the very nature of slavery is abusive.
Similarly, regardless of how nice a man is, the very fact that in polygyny women are NOT allowed the same rights, privileges, opportunities, and consideration as a man, is in and of itself abuse.
Whether one doesn't consider equality appropriate because of skin color, body parts, or lineage, doesn't much matter to me. The very fact that one group considers themselves worthy of increased power, opportunity, rights, not afforded to others due to skin color or a chromosome is abusive in an of itself.
Living here in VA, I often ponder the time of the Civil War and wonder how and why some people sensed or intuited the fact that slavery was wrong, while others held to it as something completely natural, totally normal, even Godly. What made some people evolve, or move into a consciousness that created a knowing that slavery was inherently UNgodly, while others fought to their death for their belief and could not embrace the same truth? this question fascinates me.
I don't have all the answers of course but I find a similar situation with some men (and even some women) and their views of, beliefs, and attitudes toward women. For some reason they can't understand the idea that for men to give themselves the rights and power to have multiple spouses while disallowing women the same right is wrong.
I hear excuses like, men want more sex, or it is God's way, or this is how nature works, or any number of completely ridiculous excuses very similar (in many cases) to the excuses men used to justify slavery.
in my opinion, the excuses are just a way for some men to justify what they want. Slaveholders wanted slaves and found ways (however nonsensical they were) to justify their desires. Similarly, men who can't see the problems with polygyny seem to come up with all sorts of ways to justify their desires, or to justify the behavior of some leaders.
My observation however, is that as humans evolve, become more self aware, deepen compassion, and become more enlightened (just the way the universe works), they have the ability to let go of some of the ridiculous archaic needs for ego, power, domination, privilege, and can move into a place where they no longer need to have control over those who are different (people of color, women, etc).
But it is not so for everyone, some folks seem to hold onto their less than holy needs, justifying and rationalizing them long past the time most of human consciousness has moved on.
It truly amazes me that some men simply cannot understand that giving themselves multiple women while holding the power to disallow women the possibility to have multiple men in their lives is absolutely inherently wrong.
In other words, men have the power and get to decide what the rules are; they give themselves multiple partners making sure they are good to go, and tell women they must be satisfied with only one man virtually ensuring they are left with little to nothing. The guys with the power keep women from having any. YES, this is abusive.
Now, as I always state, if a group of adults want to engage in whatever form of partnering they wish, I don't care so long as children are not hurt, they chose without coercion, manipulation, or force. (Of course, women who are under the impression that they MUST abide the rules of these men who have the power (under the guise of God), are indeed under manipulation and coercion). Nevertheless, I don't think this form of partnering is necessarily abusive. What is abusive is the practice of men disallowing women the rights and privileges they give to themselves; the men in power making the rules that create a system of complete inequality where women are subjugated, diminished, degraded, and considered less than human. And, yes, just like slavery where slaves were not considered fully human, so too does polygyny keep women from being considered fully human. (Just listen to proponents of polygamy... any care and concern for women is completely absent).
Think of all the FLDS women and men (and other cult followers) who have testimonies that they are following God's will by giving their little girls to older men to rape. The adults claim there is no force. (Sort of like a child predator who claims he didn't force a child into his car to abuse him but told the child if he didn't get into the car he would kill his family and burn his house down. Yeah, no force. The child freely chose to be abused. ARRGHHH!!!)
In addtion to the fundamental practice of polygyny being abusive lets think about what it means in real life.
You have men creating a system where their "needs" are met but a woman must sacrifice her very soul. (Now, I think men like this don't have a need for intimacy, emotional connection, deep compassion, true fatherhood, etc. etc., I'm talking about other "needs" like power, sex, ego gratification, glorification). Men exert their power, authority, privilege while women are left with nothing.
In other words, the powerful men make sure their "needs" are all taken care of by various women but a woman is required to be satisfied with whatever crumbs come her way. How in the world is this not abusive? Seriously. Why can't some men see this? (And we won't even get into the fact that in this system the non-powerful men get nothing... zip... nada, just ask the lost boys, men who have lost their families, and all the not-so-obedient-to-the-prophet men who are/were left alone in this system).
So, yes, the very foundational dynamics of polygyny are abusive. No question about this.
~dancer~
For those interested in this topic, you may enjoy reading one of my favorite dissertations,
The Subjection of Women, by John Stuart Mill. :-)
http://www.constitution.org/jsm/women.htm