33 Year old Man Courting an 18 Year old Girl

[_Tator]

I guess my idea of a baseball bat to both kneecaps and a little higher is a bad idea.

[_harmony]

There's a vast difference between 14 (Helen Mar Kimball) and 18 (this girl).

In my state, the age of consent is 16 (+5). 18? No one's entitled to interfere.

And then we have my DH, who we have made sure doesn't know his 33 year old single daughter is spending the holiday weekend in the big city with a male friend. They never grow up, to Daddy.

[_KimberlyAnn]

The thirty-three year old man knowingly went after a high schooler who was living at home with her parents! He is a predator, plain and simple. Spending the night in jail is a very, very small price to pay for the pleasure of blacking his eyes and the possibility of keeping him away from a naïve young girl. He's not four or five years older than her. He's fifteen years older than her. Nearly twice her age! I think going after him legally and financially is the better option, and would recommend looking/digging for any opportunity to do so.

She's living in her parents' home. In my world, kids living at home submit to their parents' rules or they grow up real fast and get a place of their own and pay their own bills. When they're doing that, then they can date anyone they choose.

I AM raising teenagers. I am well acquainted with teenagers. I know, for a fact, that it is possible to prevent or at last salvage them when they do things that are harmful, but parents must be aware. They must talk to their kids every day and spend time with them and be interested and active in their lives. My head does not hit my pillow until all my ducklings are present and accounted for. I know where they are at all times. I let them be themselves and they talk to me. I was the first to know when my high school junior got her first kiss.

Something has gone terribly awry with the 18 year old somewhere along the line if she's willing to ignore cute teenage boys her own age and take up with a 33 year old loser who probably can't attract the attention of a woman his own age. Still, it's unacceptable for her to date that man while living in her parents' home. And, yes, they CAN enforce their rules. The fact that the girl is in the situation she's in may be evidence that they haven't done that so well in the past.

I will not be moved from my position, so this will be my last post on this topic. I stand by it.

KA

[_jon]

Kimberley,

Without personally wishing to take any sides in this discussion I think that you have jumped to some unfounded conclusions.

My comments are in bold

The thirty-three year old man knowingly went after a high schooler

Where does it say that he went after her?

She's living in her parents' home. In my world, kids living at home submit to their parents' rules

How do you know she hasn't? We don't know what her parents rules are.

Something has gone terribly awry with the 18 year old somewhere along the line if she's willing to ignore cute teenage boys her own age

Why? Lot's of women are attracted to older guys and lots of teenage boys are attracted to older women - those are known facts about human nature.

and take up with a 33 year old loser who probably can't attract the attention of a woman his own age.

Where does it say he's a loser?

Still, it's unacceptable for her to date that man while living in her parents' home.

It's unacceptable to you

And, yes, they CAN enforce their rules.

Again, we don't know that she hasn't followed her parents rules
The fact that the girl is in the situation she's in may be evidence that they haven't done that so well in the past.

Move to strike, as it's judgemental

I will not be moved from my position, so this will be my last post on this topic. I stand by it.


KA

Fair enough, but you have made a lot of unfounded assumptions

[_Some Schmo]

Well, as the father of a preteen daughter, I can certainly understand the impulse to take a bat to this guy's kneecaps, but to be real, he's not the problem. The girl is, which is to say, she's the one that needs to be advised. I agree with KA that what needs to happen is a frank discussion between the parents and the daughter about the realities of this relationship. The parents really need to step up and be there for her. They can't legally prevent the relationship, but they can certainly get in her ear and influence what she thinks about it.

But in the end, they will do more harm to their relationship with her by trying to control the daughter's behavior than by letting her make her own mistakes and learn the hard way. That's why being a caring parent is the hardest job in the world.

[_KimberlyAnn]

Kimberley,

Without personally wishing to take any sides in this discussion I think that you have jumped to some unfounded conclusions.

My comments are in bold

The thirty-three year old man knowingly went after a high schooler

Where does it say that he went after her?

She's living in her parents' home. In my world, kids living at home submit to their parents' rules

How do you know she hasn't? We don't know what her parents rules are.

Something has gone terribly awry with the 18 year old somewhere along the line if she's willing to ignore cute teenage boys her own age

Why? Lot's of women are attracted to older guys and lots of teenage boys are attracted to older women - those are known facts about human nature.

and take up with a 33 year old loser who probably can't attract the attention of a woman his own age.

Where does it say he's a loser?

Still, it's unacceptable for her to date that man while living in her parents' home.

It's unacceptable to you

And, yes, they CAN enforce their rules.

Again, we don't know that she hasn't followed her parents rules
The fact that the girl is in the situation she's in may be evidence that they haven't done that so well in the past.

Move to strike, as it's judgemental

I will not be moved from my position, so this will be my last post on this topic. I stand by it.


KA

Fair enough, but you have made a lot of unfounded assumptions

Did you even bother to read the OP, jon? Really--did you read it?

A friend of mine came to me for a shoulder to lean on tonight. Long story short, his 18 year old daughter has been secretly seeing a 22 year old "older boy" bartender for the past several months. Tonight the parents learned this older boy is actually a man of 33. Their daughter lives at home, just turned 18 and is graduating high school this month. The father knows the guy and paid a visit to him a couple months ago and was assured they weren't going out (which she later admitted they were) and that any further contact would cease. She has said they are just friends, of course, and sees no harm in continuing their "non-physical" relationship. The behavior of this guy really made my blood boil. I offered my friend some advice which I guess would be just the other side of civil (since I'm assuming there is very little he can do legally).

I raise this topic because this type of behavior was the primary reason why I left the church. I honestly believe that Joseph Smith was a predator - someone who's moral and ethical ideals fell far below what I would aspire to. This story has just brought it closer to the world we live in today.

My heart really goes out to these parents (and their dim witted daughter). I hope things work out for them.

The father needed a shoulder to lean on because the situation is distressing him.

The parents were told the man was a 22 year old bartender.

The father confronted the older man several months ago, and was assured that the older man wasn't dating his daughter and that contact would cease. Obviously, the situation was unacceptable to the father, jon. Again, did you even read the OP?

The father just found out that he was lied to. The man isn't 22. He's 33. And contact hasn't ceased. The 33 year old man lied and has secretly been dating his daughter for months.

It doesn't matter who initiated the flirting between the two. That 33 year old man pursued a relationship with a high school senior who is living at home with her parents. He was asked to stay away. He lied to the girl's father. The relationship has been going for several months. The OP states that she just turned 18. It's very possible she was seventeen when it started. The entire situation is grossly inappropriate, and if the girl was 17 and the man was 33 when the relationship started, there's a good chance the situation could have legal implications for the 33 year old.

I think that you need to bone up on your reading comprehension skills.

KA

[_Spurven Ten Sing]

A predator? Really? Explain that. The girl is 18. Are you arguing that anh 18 yo cannot make her own decisions? Isn't that an insult to 18 yos?

[_jon]

The thirty-three year old man knowingly went after a high schooler

Where did I miss the part of the OP where it tells us that 'he knowingly went after her'?

In my world, kids living at home submit to their parents' rules or they grow up real fast and get a place of their own and pay their own bills.

Where did I miss the part of the OP where it tells us the parents rules?


Something has gone terribly awry with the 18 year old somewhere along the line if she's willing to ignore cute teenage boys her own age

Teenagers male and female are attracted to older people, it happens all the time regardless of whether it is right or wrong.

and take up with a 33 year old loser who probably can't attract the attention of a woman his own age.
Where did I miss the part of the OP where it tells us he was a 'loser' who can't attract women of 'his own age'?


Still, it's unacceptable for her to date that man while living in her parents' home.

Personal opinion

And, yes, they CAN enforce their rules. The fact that the girl is in the situation she's in may be evidence that they haven't done that so well in the past.

I will not be moved from my position, so this will be my last post on this topic. I stand by it.

KA

Okay I've re read the OP and I still can't see any justification for your speculation and judgemental comments.

Nor can I see where I was rude to you so please be respectful in return.

[_Spurven Ten Sing]

KA,
are the dumb 18 year olds who the US military industrial complex recruit to catch bullets or blow up family homes of peasants preyed upon? If not, what's the difference? Would you think it's fine for this girl to join the marines and frag a village but not mess around with a grownup?

[_KimberlyAnn]

The thirty-three year old man knowingly went after a high schooler

Where did I miss the part of the OP where it tells us that 'he knowingly went after her'?

In my world, kids living at home submit to their parents' rules or they grow up real fast and get a place of their own and pay their own bills.

Where did I miss the part of the OP where it tells us the parents rules?


Something has gone terribly awry with the 18 year old somewhere along the line if she's willing to ignore cute teenage boys her own age

Teenagers male and female are attracted to older people, it happens all the time regardless of whether it is right or wrong.

and take up with a 33 year old loser who probably can't attract the attention of a woman his own age.
Where did I miss the part of the OP where it tells us he was a 'loser' who can't attract women of 'his own age'?


Still, it's unacceptable for her to date that man while living in her parents' home.

Personal opinion

And, yes, they CAN enforce their rules. The fact that the girl is in the situation she's in may be evidence that they haven't done that so well in the past.

I will not be moved from my position, so this will be my last post on this topic. I stand by it.

KA

Okay I've re read the OP and I still can't see any justification for your speculation and judgemental comments.

Nor can I see where I was rude to you so please be respectful in return.

The father doesn't want the daughter dating the boy. It's HIS house. He went personally to make sure there would be no more contact. It's not only my personal opinion that it's unacceptable for the daughter to date a 33 year old man while living in her father's house; it's obviously unacceptable to that particular father. He just doesn't know what to do about it.

I think children ought to be respectful to the parents who provide them love and shelter and food and healthcare. And I think parents ought to be respectful to their children, and the biggest part of that respect is caring for them and protecting them from danger whenever possible. That's an opinion which I don't know if the father in the OP shares. But, it seems obvious to me that he does not want the 33 year old liar dating his daughter and tried to prevent it.

Perhaps it's perfectly fine with some folks that 30 or 40 or 50 year old men leer at young girls, just waiting for the day they turn 18 so it's legal to have sex with them, but I think it's disgusting beyond belief, and I'll be unapologetically sharp with anyone who even hints at defending that behavior.

I am disgusted with this thread.

KA

PS. Spurven, if you only knew how I try to chase military recruiters from my local high school. I have told them off in the past, and, in fact, did it just recently. Their recruitment efforts were severely reduced this year. If my efforts pay off, they won't have the chance to recruit there next year at all.

Now, I have to be finished with this thread. My teenager, who thinks old men are gross (and she called a 29 year old man "old" just yesterday), is leaving for a two week trip to Europe on Saturday and I've got lots of packing and a little more buying to do for her. She will be a senior in high school next year, but will graduate when she is only seventeen. I'd protect her from a 33 year old man with every thing in me.