Found the truth, what next?

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_stemelbow
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _stemelbow »

Rambo wrote:Ceeboo, I think you are a good guy but I think this is very dangerous as well. You really don't know Mormonism as intimate as many of us here do. It is deep rooted into peoples skin and a husband leaving the church or a wife, I think in most cases causes a divorce.


Most cases? I don't' know about that. But Rambo is the self-proclaimed expert on all Mormons I suppose.

I'm friends with a Mormon girl and it's been a year since she divorced her husband. I don't know all the details but the only thing she talks about is because he left the church. I think she still kind of loves him but she can't be with him because she wants someone to take her to the CK.


I think this is actually pretty rare. Most LDS women will not just outright divorce because a husband disbelieves, stops going, or wants to do something else.

It's good to be open and honest but I think it all depends on the situation and how much your wife loves the church. I would come otu with concerns slowly and not all at once. That way you are being honest but you are taking your time.


Probably not a bad option. Take some time, squeeze it out little by little. But, eventually she's going to realize this squeezing out little by little is really just steps inthe process to come all out with it. She may very well take that as a personal trick--"lets see if I can get her to agree with me little by little until she's all into it and agreeing with me, then wham! we'll leave together."

Some of these ideas seem rather sneaky to the LDS folks. I wonder how much they really know LDS folks. I shouldn't say that because people will get angry that I disagree with them, but I do wonder.
Love ya tons,
Stem


I ain't nuttin'. don't get all worked up on account of me.
_Willy Law
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _Willy Law »

Ceeboo wrote:
In short, this is not a time for games, ploys, or hiding from the most precious people in our lives.

It is a time for hugs, sharing, understanding, compassion, and togetherness no matter what else may or may not evolve outside of this marriage.



I get what you, Stem and others are saying, but I still think I agree with the others that Winston should find some way to take this journey with his wife alongside him.
My wife was actually the first to get tripped up on church history. I am very thankful she came to me right away and we learned and made decisions together. Had she come to me six months later and hit me over the head with everything or a blunt statement like "the church is not true" I may have reacted differently.
Sounds like Winston is past this point, but if there is a way to have her help him along the way and come to decisions together that is the best possible outcome.
It is my province to teach to the Church what the doctrine is. It is your province to echo what I say or to remain silent.
Bruce R. McConkie
_stemelbow
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _stemelbow »

Some Schmo wrote:This sounds entirely reasonable, and I completely agree that in an ideal world, this is what people would do. It's certainly what adults would do.

However, when confronted with a loved one that has been brainwashed by a cult, it's a volatile situation and it's best to proceed with tremendous caution if one cares about said brainwashed loved one. In many ways, growing up in the church makes a person retain a lot of childishness and not ready for the frank openness you're advocating. There's a reason they call themselves "a child of god."


To think of adult loved ones as brainwashed folks is perhaps the sign that you don't have a good perspective on your loved ones at all. To proceed with that attitude, I'd say, is bound to push people away. its bound to be the problem in all of this. Sadly, as I've seen, this type of attitude is what the non-beleiving spouse, or loved-one often assumes, and often it leads to driving a wedge. If you can handle it with more thoughtful charity, love and respect I'd say go this route. If not, then perhaps driving the wedge that Schmoe and others are advocating is the route to take--although I can't imagine why they are prone to treat others that way. Oh well.
Love ya tons,
Stem


I ain't nuttin'. don't get all worked up on account of me.
_just me
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _just me »

Well, I don't have much advice. Other than showing an increase in love and perhaps making changes slowly.

In my experience, and reading those of others, as soon as your spouse knows you don't believe or seriously doubt your feelings and opinions on all things religion, spirit, moral and scriptures will be void. You are automatically wrong as soon as you open your mouth, more or less. You will be talked about and in less than flattering terms. You are a tool of satan and have lost the spirit.

The other spouse also very often becomes more hardcore about the church. They will pray more, read scriptures and DesBooks more, they will go to the temple more, hold family home evening more, etc. You may find yourself excluded from blessings and other family spiritual events without even being asked if you would like to join in.

Basically, it sucks. And if the main reason a couple got married is because they share the LDS faith in common.....it doesn't bode well. If that was the main thing in common and then it is lost without other things to fall back on the relationship is essentially gone.
~Those who benefit from the status quo always attribute inequities to the choices of the underdog.~Ann Crittenden
~The Goddess is not separate from the world-She is the world and all things in it.~
_Some Schmo
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _Some Schmo »

stemelbow wrote:
Some Schmo wrote:This sounds entirely reasonable, and I completely agree that in an ideal world, this is what people would do. It's certainly what adults would do.

However, when confronted with a loved one that has been brainwashed by a cult, it's a volatile situation and it's best to proceed with tremendous caution if one cares about said brainwashed loved one. In many ways, growing up in the church makes a person retain a lot of childishness and not ready for the frank openness you're advocating. There's a reason they call themselves "a child of god."


To think of adult loved ones as brainwashed folks is perhaps the sign that you don't have a good perspective on your loved ones at all. To proceed with that attitude, I'd say, is bound to push people away. its bound to be the problem in all of this. Sadly, as I've seen, this type of attitude is what the non-beleiving spouse, or loved-one often assumes, and often it leads to driving a wedge. If you can handle it with more thoughtful charity, love and respect I'd say go this route. If not, then perhaps driving the wedge that Schmoe and others are advocating is the route to take--although I can't imagine why they are prone to treat others that way. Oh well.

Yeah... it seems to me you either have a massive reading comprehension problem, or... well, I can't think of an alternative to explain the majority of your posts.
God belief is for people who don't want to live life on the universe's terms.
_Ceeboo
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _Ceeboo »

To those good people who have quoted me in their post,

Please know that I have read, considered, and do appreciate the thoughts/perspectives shared.

Because of the importance/significance that I place to the author of this thread, I will take a back seat and not respond to those who replied to me. (Thanks in advance for allowing me that space)

Also, please know that because of how important I feel this/these types of threads are, I chose my words in said post very carefully and with much reflection.
I firmly stand by them.

Peace,
Ceeboo
_stemelbow
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _stemelbow »

just me wrote:Well, I don't have much advice. Other than showing an increase in love and perhaps making changes slowly.

In my experience, and reading those of others, as soon as your spouse knows you don't believe or seriously doubt your feelings and opinions on all things religion, spirit, moral and scriptures will be void. You are automatically wrong as soon as you open your mouth, more or less. You will be talked about and in less than flattering terms. You are a tool of satan and have lost the spirit.


I don't know if its fair to assume his wife is this way at all. If you go into it thinking your spouse will respond thusly, then you probably aren't going to go into in the right spirit, I'd assume. better safely go into it without assuming that your spouse will behave poorly than go into it assumign your spouse will be really bad like this.

The other spouse also very often becomes more hardcore about the church. They will pray more, read scriptures and DesBooks more, they will go to the temple more, hold family home evening more, etc. You may find yourself excluded from blessings and other family spiritual events without even being asked if you would like to join in.


I would guess many spouses would indeed rely heavily on their spiritual experience as the measure of what to believe. I do not think most spouses will treat the other with contempt or attempt to exclude anyone from anything. But when a spouse who relies heavily on the spiritual is treated poorly by the spouse who thinks such is all fairy tales then there's a problem. By all means, Winston, don't do that.

Basically, it sucks. And if the main reason a couple got married is because they share the LDS faith in common.....it doesn't bode well. If that was the main thing in common and then it is lost without other things to fall back on the relationship is essentially gone.


Its a big thing--religion. A Change in religion amounts to a lot of changes in life. That's why I realize this is a big deal. It'd be tough.
Love ya tons,
Stem


I ain't nuttin'. don't get all worked up on account of me.
_Themis
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _Themis »

stemelbow wrote:
I have absolutely no support in my own bones for the prop 8 business. I think the Church is somewhat steering away from the “get heavily involved in a state matter like this” since prop 8. As much as I'm all for gay marriage, I also realize the Church will not change its position--that gay marriage should be fought against politically.


You are definitely in the minority at church.

My approach, which is often maligned here, sometimes with good reason, on historical matters is “we simply don’t know as much as we pretend to know”.


Definitely some times with good reason. I find apologists pretending we don't know as much as we do, simply to protect belief.

We really, when it all comes down to it, don’t know the method of translation regarding the Book of Mormon. All we have is a few statements made by people who were witnesses to some extent, but don’t seem to offer much more than their own ideas and assumptions about what Joseph Smith was doing.


Their witnesses represent good evidence that Joseph was putting his head in a hat and and the scribe was writing down what he said. But we have more when we look at the Book of Mormon itself that shows it was not translated, but a 19th century production.

Book of Abraham? We are even less in the know, I’d say.


For how it was claimed to be translated, yes, but who cares. We have so much more like the facsimiles and papyri that shows so much evidence that Joseph was making it up.

Other things like blacks and the priesthood I attribute to error by the leaders of the church. I do not in anyway accept the notion that God withheld the priesthood from blacks—and most specifically not because of some curse pronounced upon them.


I never liked the idea that God would allow such a big mistake that affected so many people, when it would be so easy to stop. It also does not say much about people like the prophets who instituted it without asking God. In reality the evidence points to it being claimed from God by the church. Kimball's revelation supports this.

I don’t really buy into polygamy either. I’m not as harshly against it like I am the priesthood issue, but I really don’t get it.


That should be your first clue it was not from God.

I suppose with polygamy if God truly commanded it of Joseph, I’d say “wow…I really didn’t think that it made any sense at all.” But since it doesn’t really affect my daily worship practice I can’t let it worry me too much.


I think for most it is not polygamy, but how Joseph went about it.

I truly think we, as members of the Church, have to learn to be somewhere else in order for us to receive revelation. I don’t mean physically of course. I’m just plain saying we aren’t quite headed in the direction God needs us to go. Until we realize that, get on track and pursue goodness and love in a more focused way, I don’t think He’ll grace too much with further light and knowledge through revelation. Of course, revelation is often personal and I do believe its given individually. But church-wide? I think its more along the lines of getting the masses motivated and inspired. Its just where we’re at, and probably have been for a long time.


This supports his idea that the church is not being lead by God. :)

I’m personally eager to read the latest work by Brant Gardner. He’s delved into, I understand, the translation possibilities. I’m not quite satisfied with the latest by Skousen on the work being exclusively a tight-control translation. It just doesn’t make sense and one reason I think this is the very thing you mentioned above. This is still something I’ll have to figure out more.


Of course you are not. Skousen is supported by the evidence. Brant's makes most of it up with possibilities without good evidence. We have seen you play the possibility game a lot around here. I respect Skousen for going with the evidence, and not getting into the made up tight/loose translation.

I’m sure you’re in a tough spot and that you’ll be wise about how to proceed. I’m also sure your wife will be defensive and might take this type of news personally depending on how its handled and addressed.


This is why time and information is needed first.

I think being honest and upfront is important.


It would be wise to be honest, but unwise to unload it all at once. He should have involved her from the beginning, but since he has not, she needs time to digest this information without thinking her husband is some evil apostate.

But I think being absolute, negative, brash, and aggressive can cause a wedge to be driven. I mean its all on you, though.


I agree. He should try to give her information devoid of emotions or even his opinion on it, so she can digest it without as much bias as possible.
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_MsJack
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _MsJack »

Winston ~ I've never been LDS. I am an evangelical Christian married to a faithful and devout LDS man. This is my question for you: could you see yourself being happy with your marriage for the rest of your life if your wife chooses to remain LDS?

If you want your marriage to work, the biggest thing right now is for you to decide whether or not you can love your wife the way she is now. You can hope for her to change, you can even try pushing for her to change. But if you see her belief in the LDS church as "the problem" in your marriage and can't be happy with her so long as it's there . . . that could be a serious problem. Because there are no guarantees that she will ever change. Personally, while I don't mind the occasional attempt at conversion, I would find it pretty threatening if my husband were constantly trying to take my faith away from me.

Also, do the two of you have children? If not, do you plan on having children? How do you feel about the prospect of the children being raised LDS?
"It seems to me that these women were the head (κεφάλαιον) of the church which was at Philippi." ~ John Chrysostom, Homilies on Philippians 13

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_Themis
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Re: Found the truth, what next?

Post by _Themis »

Ceeboo wrote:To those good people who have quoted me in their post,

Please know that I have read, considered, and do appreciate the thoughts/perspectives shared.

Because of the importance/significance that I place to the author of this thread, I will take a back seat and not respond to those who replied to me. (Thanks in advance for allowing me that space)

Also, please know that because of how important I feel this/these types of threads are, I chose my words in said post very carefully and with much reflection.
I firmly stand by them.

Peace,
Ceeboo


I appreciate your words and would not want to see you take a back seat, although I do think you may not understand some things that LDS go through here simply because you have not had this perspective in your life.
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