The Funny Thread

[_Ceeboo]

An old man goes to confession:

Old man - "Father, I am 78 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife - but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old woman."

Father - "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Old man - "Never, I am Jewish!"

Father - "Then why are you telling me all of this?"

Old man - "I'm telling everybody!"



Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Jersey Girl]

An old man goes to confession:

Old man - "Father, I am 78 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife - but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old woman."

Father - "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Old man - "Never, I am Jewish!"

Father - "Then why are you telling me all of this?"

Old man - "I'm telling everybody!"



Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Ceeboo]

A young woman goes to church and confesses her sins to the priest.

She says "Oh Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times!"

The priest thinks about this for a few moments and replies - "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."

She asks - "Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"

The priest answers - "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Ceeboo]

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 12 children.
After her first husband died, she got remarried and had 10 more children. Shortly after her last child was born, Maria died.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said "At last, they're finally together."

Her sister, sitting in the front row said - "Excuse me, father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"

The priest replied = "I mean her legs."



Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Lemmie]

For Darth:

What do you get when you remove an 'm' from the word Mormon? A tautology.

Ok now I feel dense. I just spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out what an 'ormon' could be.

Good one, Water Dog!

[_Lemmie]

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 12 children.
After her first husband died, she got remarried and had 10 more children. Shortly after her last child was born, Maria died.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said "At last, they're finally together."

Her sister, sitting in the front row said - "Excuse me, father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"

The priest replied = "I mean her legs."



Peace,
Ceeboo

Ceeboo, you dog, you!! You have the best jokes. Can't wait to tell my Catholic husband what I learned today on Mormon discussions!

You always make me smile, thank you.

[_Some Schmo]

Four nuns are riding a bus through an intersection when they're T-boned by a crossing semi. The four of them are instantly killed.

Standing in line at the pearly gates, St Peter comes out and says to the first one, "Have you any sins to confess before entering into heaven?"

"I once looked at a man's penis."

St Peter gravely shakes his head and says, "I'm glad you confessed. Advance to the pool of holy water by the gates, splash your eyes to cleanse them, and proceed to god." She does so.

He turns to the second nun and asks the same questions. She replies, "I once touched a man's penis."

"I'm glad you confessed. Advance to the pool of holy water by the gates, wash your hands to cleanse them, and proceed to god." She does so.

St. Peter turns to the third nun and is about to pose his question when the fourth nun butts ahead of her in line. "Let me go first please. I don't want to wash out my mouth after she's had her ass in the pool."

[_Ceeboo]

If anyone ever needs an ark to save two of every animal -

I Noah guy!

[Guest]

Ceeboo, Can't wait to tell my Catholic husband what I learned today on Mormon discussions!

Your husband is Catholic?
You are a current/former Mormon?

That sounds very interesting. If you ever want to share, I would enjoy hearing more about it.

You always make me smile, thank you.

And this made me smile - Thank you, Lemmie!

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Ceeboo]

After many years away from the Catholic church, a guy enters the confessional and sits down.

After he sits, he notices that the confessional has a fully equipped bar, Guinness on tap, a full selection of fine cigars and on the walls he sees pictures of gorgeous ladies who appear to have misplaced some of their garments.

When he hears the priest enter, he says - "Father, forgive me as it has been a very long time since my last confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies - "Get out, you idiot! You're on my side!"



Peace,
Ceeboo