It's that time of year again
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_Tommy
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 61
- Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:10 am
It really hurts to have a fellow apostle make fun of you. The Lord most certainly is trying my faith. I'm surprised that Elder Bednar doesn't want to go fishing in the mountains. And saddened. I had my rod and tackle ready. I am a little surprised and this new cocky attitude of his. But I'm too hurt to rebuke him. I can't even bring my arm to the square at this moment. I guess I feel as though I've lost the will to live, simply nothing more to give. There is nothing more for me. Need the end to set me free...
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_Who Knows
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 2455
- Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:09 pm
Brackite wrote:The San Diego Chargers will be playing the Denver Broncos ...This is a very, very important NFL Football Game to watch for nearly everyone Person who is a football fan out there.
Meh. Both teams suck. I'm more excited for the bucs/colts game.
WK: "Joseph Smith asserted that the Book of Mormon peoples were the original inhabitants of the americas"
Will Schryver: "No, he didn’t." 3/19/08
Still waiting for Will to back this up...
Will Schryver: "No, he didn’t." 3/19/08
Still waiting for Will to back this up...
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_KimberlyAnn
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 3171
- Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:03 pm
Dear Boyd,
I sense that jealousy is behind your unkind remarks about me and my affection for Elder Bedme, oops!, I mean Bednar. I suggest your jealousy is aroused by the enemy, and you should simply say, "Get thee behind me, Bedme, uh, I mean Satan!" The Bedme part is what I'd say...
Were you not uplifted by the younger apostle's offer to make a guest entry for me? It was a generous offer. Even though you may be unable to rise to the occasion, or raise the bar, you should still thank dear Bedme for his unselfish kindness.
And I must say that I beg (on my knees) Elder Bednar not to withdraw from his entries! How else can I hope to hie to Kolob?
KA
I sense that jealousy is behind your unkind remarks about me and my affection for Elder Bedme, oops!, I mean Bednar. I suggest your jealousy is aroused by the enemy, and you should simply say, "Get thee behind me, Bedme, uh, I mean Satan!" The Bedme part is what I'd say...
Were you not uplifted by the younger apostle's offer to make a guest entry for me? It was a generous offer. Even though you may be unable to rise to the occasion, or raise the bar, you should still thank dear Bedme for his unselfish kindness.
And I must say that I beg (on my knees) Elder Bednar not to withdraw from his entries! How else can I hope to hie to Kolob?
KA
Last edited by Guest on Thu Oct 04, 2007 1:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
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_Blixa
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 8381
- Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:45 pm
My revered Brother Tommy! I am deeply disturbed by the trouble this little upstart Bednar seems to be causing for you!
For shame Brother Bednar! Do you not know the importance of respecting your elders? I mean those that are actually, biologically older than you, not every last Tom, Dick and Erying that merely have the (usually anomalous) title "elder." Again, I say, for shame! I rebuke you! I call you to repentance! And don't try to wiggle out of it just because I'm some inactive sister trying to make a spiritual citizen's arrest! In fact, don't try to wiggle at all. You look silly.
Brother Tommy, those of use who can discern gold from brass and who do not care for the tinklings of cymbals have much more respect for those apostles who've labored long in the fields and returned with honor from countless committee meetings than for newbie puppys and brats who think that one pickle talk a spiritual giant makes. As if!
Gird up thy lions, brother! Don't be afraid to let 'em loose and make 'em roar! Stride manfully forth from the Holy of Holies and show that girly boy how a real Apostle plays ball. Full court press! Take him to the basket! Metaphorically speaking, of course.
For shame Brother Bednar! Do you not know the importance of respecting your elders? I mean those that are actually, biologically older than you, not every last Tom, Dick and Erying that merely have the (usually anomalous) title "elder." Again, I say, for shame! I rebuke you! I call you to repentance! And don't try to wiggle out of it just because I'm some inactive sister trying to make a spiritual citizen's arrest! In fact, don't try to wiggle at all. You look silly.
Brother Tommy, those of use who can discern gold from brass and who do not care for the tinklings of cymbals have much more respect for those apostles who've labored long in the fields and returned with honor from countless committee meetings than for newbie puppys and brats who think that one pickle talk a spiritual giant makes. As if!
Gird up thy lions, brother! Don't be afraid to let 'em loose and make 'em roar! Stride manfully forth from the Holy of Holies and show that girly boy how a real Apostle plays ball. Full court press! Take him to the basket! Metaphorically speaking, of course.
From the Ernest L. Wilkinson Diaries: "ELW dreams he's spattered w/ grease. Hundreds steal his greasy pants."
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_Boyd_K_Packer
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:55 pm
Tommy wrote:It really hurts to have a fellow apostle make fun of you. The Lord most certainly is trying my faith. I'm surprised that Elder Bednar doesn't want to go fishing in the mountains. And saddened. I had my rod and tackle ready. I am a little surprised and this new cocky attitude of his. But I'm too hurt to rebuke him. I can't even bring my arm to the square at this moment. I guess I feel as though I've lost the will to live, simply nothing more to give. There is nothing more for me. Need the end to set me free...
Tom,
As you well know, it would not hurt my feelings if you gave up the ghost, as you are one of my stumbling blocks up the progression chart of church leadership.
That being said, I must admit I like you. I know we've had our differences. Like that time you invited me and Donna to dinner. I thought what a wonderful chance to get to know you and your wife better. Oh how disappointed I was when after dinner you gave us an Amway presentation. I apologize for tearing your Amway chart in half and throwing the tub of moisture cream at you, but I was upset that your phony dinner invitation was a sleazy sales pitch.
Anyway, that was a long time ago, and I have grown fond of you. I even stopped praying nightly for your death.
This new group of young punks who think they can just push us old guys aside must be dealt with. BADner and UckDORK show up like a couple of rock stars, thinking they're all that, but they're not.
Don't kill yourself. Reenergize yourself to school Bedbathandbeyond in the art of public speaking. His pickle talk last April was embarassment to the church. His talk alone probably led directly to a hundred thousand resignations, which translates into millions of tithnig dollars.
Tom, what I'm saying is you are an inspiration to the members. Your talks bring blued haired ladies to tears. You would never talk about pickles. Let us unite and put Bednbreakfast in his rightful place at the bottom of the leadership ladder.
Your friend,
Boyd "The Pacman" Packer
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_Tommy
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 61
- Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:10 am
Greetings All -- and Farewell,
This will likely be my last post, and my final hours of sojourning in this mortal sphere. The outcome has been decided, I'm afraid. I've made a decision from which there is no return and all that is left now is to let the course of my actions run to their completion. And I fear, that when I wake upon the other side, three trumpets shall sound before I shall take up again my body made whole. For I have sinned a great sin and hence also my fate in this world and the world to come.
The devil, that old serpent, finally won. I exercised my agency to lose. For this evening, when I eyed my nightly milk, my mind was awake and working. Something I had never tried before, would I give in and do it? I cautiously picked up my telephone handset and spun the rotor. Within a quarter of an hour, a knock at the door, a package delivered, and my fall from grace all but set.
I had made my decision and would not hesitate. I opened the bag, tour the lid off it's contents, grabbed a teaspoon -- no, a soupspoon -- and heaped not two, but three overflowing mountains of chocolate powder into my milk. I stirred and stirred, grinding the tip of the spoon against the bottom of the glass, as if by crushing the chunks of powder I would somehow be hiding the evidence from the eyes of the Most High. I eagerly pulled the spoon out, threw it aside, and poured the entire contents of the glass down my throat in the heat of passion. Oh, the joy! I felt my whole being tingle and dance in satisfaction like I had never felt before! A worldly, intense satisfaction. A happiness. And in that instance, my photographic memory pulled up a page I have long tried to forget from Friedrich Nietzsche's, The Antichrist,
Yes!, I reveled, I had overcome resistance and I felt the power of taking charge of my destiny! I felt the fire of war in my body, of shaping, of transcending boundries, of defying the baby Jesus himself! For in that moment, my mind brought quickly forth a picture of the manger scene from my children's Bible that I always conjur up when the adversary is near. And my mind chose the page from that angry German philosopher instead, to dwell upon, and as if his spirit pulled free of hell and posessed my body, I partook of his madness.
This all took place about an hour ago, slowly the adrenaline sours. The guilt floods in. And I can feel the traces of caffeine poisoning my body as I struggle to type these words. I have defiled the Word of Wisdom, and for that, I will likely not awaken on the morning. For it is written that those who break his holy commandments shall curse God and die.
I must now confess, as this will be my last opportunity. But first I must thank sister Blixa for her Harrowing words of encouragement. How blessed the priesthood governing body of the church is to have your hand raised in sustainment. Thank you Boyd for your kindness.
I'm so sorry about that dinner. My upline promised me that you would be excited about the opportunity to start your own business. He's a bishop so I don't know how he could have been wrong. But I didn't mean to hurt you.
I must also apologize to Elder Bednar. I can see now my jealousy started with my own sin. Many months ago, as I leaned for my children's edition, my hand silently moved on, past that, past the Book of Mormon, and past the edition of "Mein Kampf" Boyd gave me as a Christmas present which I still haven't had time to read. I really ought to read it sometime because if the Lord calls him next, he said that this book has some good ideas on how to run a church. My hand, as if a phantom limb, sought out The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. I spent many hours as if walking through an alien world. For that short time, I forgot that "The thinking had been done" and I became fascinated with these novel and outrageous ideas, I so desired to become an intellectual in that moment. It was terrifying. I shut up that book fast, but as an axe hewn carelessly into the side of a tree, I don't think I ever fully recovered. For days I simply looked at the pictures in my Bible, hoping the Lord would see my repentence, that I was trying extra hard not to think on my own. And in my pride, I think I had convinced myself it was all in the past and not a big deal. It was a few days later if I recollect right, that I began to worry about Elder Bednar's popularity.
Thus it is brothers and sisters, the results of sin. I feel so c - c - cold...get-ting darker...
This will likely be my last post, and my final hours of sojourning in this mortal sphere. The outcome has been decided, I'm afraid. I've made a decision from which there is no return and all that is left now is to let the course of my actions run to their completion. And I fear, that when I wake upon the other side, three trumpets shall sound before I shall take up again my body made whole. For I have sinned a great sin and hence also my fate in this world and the world to come.
The devil, that old serpent, finally won. I exercised my agency to lose. For this evening, when I eyed my nightly milk, my mind was awake and working. Something I had never tried before, would I give in and do it? I cautiously picked up my telephone handset and spun the rotor. Within a quarter of an hour, a knock at the door, a package delivered, and my fall from grace all but set.
I had made my decision and would not hesitate. I opened the bag, tour the lid off it's contents, grabbed a teaspoon -- no, a soupspoon -- and heaped not two, but three overflowing mountains of chocolate powder into my milk. I stirred and stirred, grinding the tip of the spoon against the bottom of the glass, as if by crushing the chunks of powder I would somehow be hiding the evidence from the eyes of the Most High. I eagerly pulled the spoon out, threw it aside, and poured the entire contents of the glass down my throat in the heat of passion. Oh, the joy! I felt my whole being tingle and dance in satisfaction like I had never felt before! A worldly, intense satisfaction. A happiness. And in that instance, my photographic memory pulled up a page I have long tried to forget from Friedrich Nietzsche's, The Antichrist,
What is happiness?--The feeling that power increases--that resistance is overcome. Not contentment, but more power; not peace at any price, but war; not virtue, but efficiency (virtue in the Renaissance sense, virtu, virtue free of moral acid). The weak and the botched shall perish: first principle of our charity. And one should help them to it. What is more harmful than any vice?--Practical sympathy for the botched and the weak--Christianity
Yes!, I reveled, I had overcome resistance and I felt the power of taking charge of my destiny! I felt the fire of war in my body, of shaping, of transcending boundries, of defying the baby Jesus himself! For in that moment, my mind brought quickly forth a picture of the manger scene from my children's Bible that I always conjur up when the adversary is near. And my mind chose the page from that angry German philosopher instead, to dwell upon, and as if his spirit pulled free of hell and posessed my body, I partook of his madness.
This all took place about an hour ago, slowly the adrenaline sours. The guilt floods in. And I can feel the traces of caffeine poisoning my body as I struggle to type these words. I have defiled the Word of Wisdom, and for that, I will likely not awaken on the morning. For it is written that those who break his holy commandments shall curse God and die.
I must now confess, as this will be my last opportunity. But first I must thank sister Blixa for her Harrowing words of encouragement. How blessed the priesthood governing body of the church is to have your hand raised in sustainment. Thank you Boyd for your kindness.
I'm so sorry about that dinner. My upline promised me that you would be excited about the opportunity to start your own business. He's a bishop so I don't know how he could have been wrong. But I didn't mean to hurt you.
I must also apologize to Elder Bednar. I can see now my jealousy started with my own sin. Many months ago, as I leaned for my children's edition, my hand silently moved on, past that, past the Book of Mormon, and past the edition of "Mein Kampf" Boyd gave me as a Christmas present which I still haven't had time to read. I really ought to read it sometime because if the Lord calls him next, he said that this book has some good ideas on how to run a church. My hand, as if a phantom limb, sought out The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. I spent many hours as if walking through an alien world. For that short time, I forgot that "The thinking had been done" and I became fascinated with these novel and outrageous ideas, I so desired to become an intellectual in that moment. It was terrifying. I shut up that book fast, but as an axe hewn carelessly into the side of a tree, I don't think I ever fully recovered. For days I simply looked at the pictures in my Bible, hoping the Lord would see my repentence, that I was trying extra hard not to think on my own. And in my pride, I think I had convinced myself it was all in the past and not a big deal. It was a few days later if I recollect right, that I began to worry about Elder Bednar's popularity.
Thus it is brothers and sisters, the results of sin. I feel so c - c - cold...get-ting darker...
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_KimberlyAnn
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 3171
- Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:03 pm
Don't despair, Brother Monson!
It's never too late to stop thinking for yourself! Because you only did it for a short time, overcoming the habit should be easy! Perhaps if you tie your hands to the bedpost so that you cannot hold any evil intellectual books as you lie in bed the pernicious habit of thinking for yourself would be broken in no time! I find that I must tie my hands to the bedpost so that I do not sin while thinking of Brother Bedme's Pickle talk...
And have no guilt over the chocolate milk! Ralphie drank it in A Christmas Story; how could it be anything other than wholesome? The only sin would be if you didn't stir it long enough and there were still sugar granules lurking at the bottom of the glass after the milk was gone. To avoid that problem, you could order the Hershey's Chocolate Syrup next time. See? There is hope!
Hang in there, Brother Monson!
KA
It's never too late to stop thinking for yourself! Because you only did it for a short time, overcoming the habit should be easy! Perhaps if you tie your hands to the bedpost so that you cannot hold any evil intellectual books as you lie in bed the pernicious habit of thinking for yourself would be broken in no time! I find that I must tie my hands to the bedpost so that I do not sin while thinking of Brother Bedme's Pickle talk...
And have no guilt over the chocolate milk! Ralphie drank it in A Christmas Story; how could it be anything other than wholesome? The only sin would be if you didn't stir it long enough and there were still sugar granules lurking at the bottom of the glass after the milk was gone. To avoid that problem, you could order the Hershey's Chocolate Syrup next time. See? There is hope!
Hang in there, Brother Monson!
KA
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_God
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:25 pm
Yo, Whatup?
Just want to check up on all my creations. I don't like to brag or anything, but I'm able to post to this board without a computer or Internet connection. I see my bitchez are here. Ha ha, just kidding, I love these guys, they do good work for me. Yo, Packman, Tommy Boy, and Bednar (sorry, I forgot your first name) keep up the good work. Looking forward to conference. Be sure to tell the people my ideas for solving global warming. by the way, Packman, your request to whack Hillary Clinton is denied. I like her. She's got spunk. If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, pull the stick out and enjoy life a little. I'm not that difficul to work for.
Peace out,
God
Just want to check up on all my creations. I don't like to brag or anything, but I'm able to post to this board without a computer or Internet connection. I see my bitchez are here. Ha ha, just kidding, I love these guys, they do good work for me. Yo, Packman, Tommy Boy, and Bednar (sorry, I forgot your first name) keep up the good work. Looking forward to conference. Be sure to tell the people my ideas for solving global warming. by the way, Packman, your request to whack Hillary Clinton is denied. I like her. She's got spunk. If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, pull the stick out and enjoy life a little. I'm not that difficul to work for.
Peace out,
God
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_Blixa
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 8381
- Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:45 pm
Ok Tommy, I guess its time for some tough love. Don't wuss out on us so easily guy! Think man! ( Not for yourself, though.) Use your enormous memory banks to access some smarmy feel good Faith-Promoting Rumor full 'o incongruous details that make it seem oh so authentic! You can do it! That's your baliwick! I KNOW you've got hundreds of "stories" in reserve better than Boyd's pukey puppy dog blather and Bednar's semi-tarded aged cucumber hoo ha. Don't fail us, now.
C'mon. Only a few more hours until General Conference! Get up on that stand and pontificate for all you're worth!!!
C'mon. Only a few more hours until General Conference! Get up on that stand and pontificate for all you're worth!!!
From the Ernest L. Wilkinson Diaries: "ELW dreams he's spattered w/ grease. Hundreds steal his greasy pants."