DaniteDan wrote:It's good to arrive. I heard the Brethren needed a little assistance so Elder Monson, Bednar and my Favorite, Elder Packer, please call on me if you need a little extra legal activity done.
Yes. Assistance. Do you think the brethren can't wait for travel? Do they sneak off and find an airport bathroom to stamp their feet of their dust and get a hummer from the cruiser in the next stall?
And crawling on the planet's face Some insects called the human race Lost in time And lost in space...and meaning
My, what a pickle, sweet pickle, I've gotten us all into.
I must apologise to everyone.
My dear brother Tommy, please forgive me for the mean (but true) words I have spoken here. I hope you are still with us. Are you there? Have you already given up the ghost? I fear so.
I have done a lot of thinking on the matters at hand and am beginning to see the light. I'm starting to think the church may not be what it has professed to be. I have done much searching and pondering on this matter. Thanks to the FARMS site and other "apologetic" (or should we say "pathetic") sites, I have come to new conclusions about the "witness" I have received. I have become a doubter.
However, I am still going to give my conference address this weekend and I hope you all will listen closely.
There really is no good reason for the discrepancies in the First Vision story. And I have tried to wrap my head around the magic rock story and I can do it no longer. The shelf has collapsed, in a big way!
I must admit here that it was my dear wife that first brought all this to my attention. She has been following the messages here and has fallen in internet love with Sethbag and Runtu. She has read in disgust the comments by some of our "faithful" like BCSpace, Wade and Gazelam. She said to me that if that is what the Church is creating, she wants no part of it. I have come to agree with her. It is true, women are much more spiritual than we priesthood brethren. I love her so much for bringing me into the light.
She is now in Jamaica relaxing with the Saints there and I will soon be there to join with her again and to ponder over what we will do as a family.
I fear we will be ostracized from our loved ones. How can we get our kids to stop singing "Follow the Prophet" all day when we are not sure about his prophetic calling?
Indeed, we are in a pickle, so to speak.
I must offer my warmest and most sincere thanks to the good doctor here. Our eyes have opened, wide! You are to be commended for your service to mankind. Great rewards await you in heaven, that is, if there is one. I know not such a thing any longer.
I now know it is not true that when one begins to doubt that they immediately want to sin. I know for a fact that this is not true. In fact, as we ponder leaving this church, we seem to have a heightened sense of what is important.
How in heaven's name could we have been so callous towards those who see differently than those in the church? What kind of evil spirit have we been attached to?
My heart is heavy for those we may have led down the wrong path.
Families, brothers and sisters. Families! That is what it is all about. We are certain now that as a couple, sister Bednar and I must begin to take responsibility for raising our children and not pawning such a heavy responsibility off on the church, which isn't even true, anyway. What could have possessed us so to believe that?
I appreciate any kind words of support from you all here as we now enter a new world, as we disregard the "iron rod" and begin to trust in ourselves and our inherent goodness.
To Sethbag and Runtu, we wish you god's speed in your daily challenges. You have helped us to see the light and we can not turn back now, where ever this may lead us.
I hope we may be able to visit the ex-mo conference this year and break bread with you all. I hope you don't mind if we would like to participate with the rest of you. Perhaps with the perks that are mine as an apostle, I can score a suite for us all to get to know one another in more intimate surroundings.
And finally to Brother Packer: get a life. I know you are getting old and that you desire power and control. This is evil, my dear brother. Your pamphlets have done much damage to the youth of our once great organizatiion. I fear, if there is a god, that he will not have mercy on you. Please, I beg of you to reconsider your approach to the gospel. You may even want to consider leaving with us. Wouldn't that be one great conference if we were to leave together. But, alas, I fear you have been ensnared in the ways of the wily old serpent, as Eve of old.
I call you to repentance, in love and family spirit. Let the shelf collapse. It will bring you, as it has us, much sense of peace and gratitude for life without the crutches of the gospel.
And to Tommy, if you are still with us, let's go fishing together. I can teach you how to catch those big browns, rather than the easy cutthroat pickings. We can really get to know each other and relish in nature and the spirit of love.
What do you think? No more guilt for all that pepsi you drink and we can even try some of that good wine that our brother Jesus was wont to drink at times.
To all of you, adieu, until after conference when I will visit again and begin to learn from all those here with such wisdom, the likes of which the church has never seen, and never will.
Everyone, if you are still in, get out. Get out now before you lose your families and your integrity.
God bless each and every one of you, your brother in the harness of truth, open-mindedness, and love unfeigned.
Your brother, yeah, even Elder Bednar.
Ladies, it's time for us to stop accommodating an environment of immodesty and jump out of the water before we get boiled alive by the seductive and evil influences that are a result of continued immodest dress.
Look in the mirror ferchrissakes! David Helmet Bedhair.
Well, brother Porter,
My wife and I just love your straight-forward posts and charming wit.
Are you jealous of my hair? Do you have any left? Until you show us, I will continue to believe you have no hair, and that you are jealous.
Keep stirring up the pots: it really helped my wife and I to see the light.
Your brother,
Dave
Ladies, it's time for us to stop accommodating an environment of immodesty and jump out of the water before we get boiled alive by the seductive and evil influences that are a result of continued immodest dress.
I want all these Apostles to know that they now have a standing offer to join the False Priesthood of the Damned, an organization dedicated to harsh reality, slavery, torture, and the preservation of Blue Whales.
Belial wrote:I want all these Apostles to know that they now have a standing offer to join the False Priesthood of the Damned, an organization dedicated to harsh reality, slavery, torture, and the preservation of Blue Whales.
We have complimentary T-shirts for joining.
And that about sums it up. We delve into the mysterious ramblings of Belial.
Intermittently funny thread, by the way, you impostors.
There obviously seems to be sexual overtones/overtures and suggestive language/references expressed openly between all you apostates.
Why? Is there a connection? Apostate=sexual deviancy/prolificness? Sure seems to be an undercurrent of smuttiness among a number of you folks, if one also includes the impostors. Not just on this thread, but others too.
mentalgymnast wrote:There obviously seems to be sexual overtones/overtures and suggestive language/references expressed openly between all you apostates.
Why? Is there a connection? Apostate=sexual deviancy/prolificness? Sure seems to be an undercurrent of smuttiness among a number of you folks, if one also includes the impostors. Not just on this thread, but others too.
What's the deal?
Regards, MG
Perhaps you haven't visited MAD lately and seen the faithful tee heeing over silliness?
Sex? tee heeee heee
Porn? tee hee hee hee hee hee
Polygamy? tee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
Bikinis? teeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeee ad nauseum
mentalgymnast wrote: There obviously seems to be sexual overtones/overtures and suggestive language/references expressed openly between all you apostates.
Why? Is there a connection? Apostate=sexual deviancy/prolificness? Sure seems to be an undercurrent of smuttiness among a number of you folks, if one also includes the impostors. Not just on this thread, but others too.
What's the deal?
Regards, MG
Oh, come on, MG. Lighten up a little bit. Pull the stick out of your butt and learn to laugh.
"We of this Church do not rely on any man-made statement concerning the nature of Deity. Our knowledge comes directly from the personal experience of Joseph Smith." - Gordon B. Hinckley
"It's wrong to criticize leaders of the Mormon Church even if the criticism is true." - Dallin H. Oaks