Darth J wrote:Dallin H. Oaks on divorce:
http://LDS.org/general-conference/2007/ ... e?lang=eng"Nations that had no divorce law have adopted one, and most nations permitting divorces have made them easier to obtain. Unfortunately, under current no-fault divorce laws, it can be easier to sever a marriage relationship with an unwanted spouse than an employment relationship with an unwanted employee."Some of the most hilariously disingenuous hyperbole I have ever seen is a former Utah Supreme Court justice actually saying that getting a divorce is easier than firing an at-will employee.
Generally, you don't need to file a petition and get a decree from a judge to fire an at-will employee.
"Some even refer to a first marriage as a “starter marriage,” like a small home one uses for a while before moving on."That's an after-the-fact joke to help people cope with the loss after going through a divorce, you oblivious douchebag. In the hundred or so divorce cases I have done, I have never seen a single person say that they originally got married as an experiment.
"When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it. I saw examples of this in the Philippines. Two days after their temple marriage, a husband deserted his young wife and has not been heard from for over 10 years. A married woman fled and obtained a divorce in another country, but her husband, who remained behind, is still married in the eyes of the Philippine law. Since there is no provision for divorce in that country, these innocent victims of desertion have no way to end their married status and go forward with their lives."But you just said it was wrong to loosen divorce laws. Remember?
"I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation."If you say your prayers, your spouse will magically turn into a different person.
"Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache."As opposed to living out your life in a loveless, unfulfilling marriage, which creates happiness.
"There are many good Church members who have been divorced. I speak first to them. We know that many of you are innocent victims—members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce."But then:
"We know that children raised in a single-parent home after divorce have a much higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, poor school performance, and various kinds of victimization."So, remember: there are many good Church members who have been divorced, whose kids will be alcoholic, drug-addicted sluts who flunk out of school. Thank goodness we can turn to our church leaders for comfort messages!
"To avoid so-called 'incompatibility,' they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things."And while I'm at it, I'd like a pony for Christmas.
"If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."Unless, of course, religious differences are one of the problems. In such cases, the clear solution is that the spouse who isn't quite sure that Dallin H. Oaks is really an apostle of Jesus Christ just needs to get his or her s*** together.
"One study found 'no evidence that divorce or separation typically made adults happier than staying in an unhappy marriage. Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce reported being happily married five years later.'"Of course, since "happiness" is a subjective, ephemeral concept, and since the couples who did not get divorced have no basis for comparison, it may be that the conclusions of this study are somewhat questionable.
"We cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others, even when they impact us so painfully. I am sure the Lord loves and blesses husbands and wives who lovingly try to help spouses struggling with such deep problems as pornography or other addictive behavior or with the long-term consequences of childhood abuse."Remember: every divorced person is either addicted to pornography, addicted to drugs, or was molested or beaten as a child.
"In conclusion, I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person."It is the brilliant, penetrating insights like this that tell me the Lord gives inspired counsel to our church leaders.
"If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage."This from a leader in a church that tells missionaries to commit people to baptism in the second discussion.
"There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances."You know, Elder Oaks, a lot of people have marital problems because they are not sexually compatible. What advice would you give to our members contemplating marriage to avoid such problems?
