Is it healthy for a TBM spouse to "drop it" or "let it go?"

[_Yahoo Bot]

This signature line is looking for its next person to provoke. Will it be you?

Now that is pretty funny Mr.Bot.

At least you have a sense of humor; others take that sig line seriously and call me names.

[_Trevor]

At least you have a sense of humor; others take that sig line seriously and call me names.

Really? LOL.

[Guest]

And lets forget that Christ expected Peter to be imperfect when he predicted that peter would deny him three times.

Yes Peter wanted to watch what was going on, and said he didn't know him three times. How terrible of him to try and protect himself so he could find out what was going on with his master.

And what about paul...much is made of Joseph's money digging and yet, paul was a persecutor of christians before his calling.

The key word here is BEFORE. Supposedly God appeared to him to turn him around, kinda like Alma the younger which was taken from Paul's story. To bad God couldn't be more consistent and treat everyone equally.

I would choose a money digger anyday over a christian persecutor. But god does pick strange people, doesn't he?

You are like most apologist's taking one issue and forgetting about the rest. The money digging should be used to evaluate Joseph Smith and whether he should be trusted. He loses some credibility with his money digging activities, but not enough to discount his claims solely on this bad behavior. He also was not like Paul who repented and admitted to his past. Joseph Smith was never good at this. If you take all the issues and evidence together, whyme and yahoo bot, with a far less biased view you might learn something.

[_Yahoo Bot]

At least you have a sense of humor; others take that sig line seriously and call me names.

Really? LOL.

As I further recall, oh humorless one, you respond to my posts by calling me a liar but find yourself unable to point to a statement I've ever made that is a lie.

I think a Classical education makes one [I'm thinking up a good statement; can't find it.]

[_Trevor]

As I further recall, oh humorless one, you respond to my posts by calling me a liar but find yourself unable to point to a statement I've ever made that is a lie.

I think a Classical education makes one [I'm thinking up a good statement; can't find it.]

Sure, Yahoo. My whole approach to this board just reeks of grim seriousness. Like the lulz I offered in response to your claim. You're a funny guy. Sorry you don't care for my appreciation of your sense of humor.

[_Dr. Shades]

One problem: actions and duties in the church. For some people, it becomes difficult to keep doing all the duties (like going to the mason mansions) when you consider it all a joke. If DH stops going it could deeply offend the TBM wife and so guess what? Talking becomes necessary.

Look, I'm all for being positive and loving and upbeat as the next guy. I'm just thinking it might be pretty hard to stay silent when the spouse is TBM.

Okay. In such a case, he should just quit doing LDS things without any announcements or fanfare and otherwise leave the ball in her court. Since she is the one who wants to quit discussing it, then she needs to be the one to break that silence--if indeed it needs to be broken.

[_cinepro]

Harmony, you crack me up! :)

Z--I know what it's like to try to shelf church issues for a while. After five years I had to start looking at the issues because my shelf was breaking with all of the problems I saw.

The idea of "shelfing" issues always makes me wonder how stupid people will feel if they die, go to heaven, and then learn that they were in the wrong church and God was trying to tell them, but every time He sent them a clue, they would put it on the "shelf".

[_kairos]

FWIW- one ongoing situation- i am involved in helping a disbelieving husband- i am a nevermo with 40 year marriage to tbm my wife with 4 adult tbm rm temple married children. as an evangelical rc i have attended/supported my wife and family in Mo'ism by attending 3 hour blocks/church activities during my married life and actively participate in my RC tradition. The case is a Navy officer/doctor married for 2 years-temple married -both he and wife are RM's- no children yet. He has "discovered " Mo'ism is untrue/false and desires to leave it all, find another Christian tradition. Wife is devasted-her life is falling apart because of her husband's unbelief. He desires not to fake it, but might consider it(he asks "can i be a Catholic Mormon like you?) until he can bring wife out of Mo'ism. The key question for him to ask her is : "who did you marry and who do you love more-me or the church" perhaps unfair but that is the bottom line. He cares not to talk to a bishop or any other LDS person and has told his family he does not believe anymore and that's that. She has been in counseling with bishop and a marriage counselor. the situation is perking toward divorce or wife will opt out of Mo'ism and follow her husband.
BTW- other than the pesky little religion problem he says their life together is great and their sex even better.

[_MsJack]

kairos ~ Interesting story. Were you an active and believing "evangelical Catholic" when you first married your wife? And did the children choose the LDS religion, or did you agree to let your wife raise them that way?

In case you don't know me, I'm an evangelical Christian never-Mormon, married 7 years to a TBM husband.

The key question for him to ask her is : "who did you marry and who do you love more-me or the church" perhaps unfair but that is the bottom line.

Is this the right question?

I would think that the question would be, "Can you love me as I am and meet me where I am? Do we love each other enough to respect one another's beliefs?" I don't think it has to be a matter of choosing which one to love more.

I would let your friends know that there are many people out there who are happily making it in interfaith marriages of all sorts, including LDS-other-Christian ones. It's all a matter of compromise, tolerance, and having respect for one another's beliefs. And if the children are already being raised LDS and he's willing to let that continue, that will ease the tension considerably. I know that a marriage where one partner leaves the faith is a somewhat different dynamic, but I think a lot of the same rules for making the marriage work apply.

If you want, I can point you to some articles and resources on Mormon interfaith marriages.

BTW- other than the pesky little religion problem he says their life together is great and their sex even better.

Funny, I feel the same way about my marriage.

[_cinepro]

BTW- other than the pesky little religion problem he says their life together is great and their sex even better.

Testimony Equals Sex in Orem Marriage

By Paul Browning

OREM, UT - Local couple Nathan and Brittney McAllister have found an unlikely factor in their marital intimacy: Nathan’s testimony. After nine years of happy marriage, it was discovered that the church was playing a larger role in their lives than anyone previously knew.

Last year, Nathan sat down and had a serious talk with his wife, admitting he didn’t think he believed a lot of LDS doctrine to be factual. “Ever since I told my wife I was unsure about the church, she’s been pretty cold,” said McAllister. The couple had been copulating weekly, on average, with both of them “generally satisfied” with the other’s performance. Now, McAllister says the two are intimate “about once a month, and even then the sex has a sick tension.”

His wife Brittney said, “It affected me deeply to have the priesthood holder in my home question the church. His study of alternative beliefs and worldly trash is like a personal attack on me.”

Nathan’s belief in the church of his upbringing began to shake after his mission, when he attended BYU. “I saw a lot of weird teachings there,” reports Nathan. “Each teacher had his own doctrine, and when I asked questions that weren’t in the manual, the teacher would tell me to pray about it.” Nathan’s doubts included blacks and the priesthood, Brigham Young’s teachings, and “blatantly racist” remarks made by the prophet Ezra Taft Benson. The deeper into the scriptures and conference talks he would go, the more confused he would get. He would even ask old seminary teachers, friends, and coworkers for answers, to no avail. With the arrival of the Internet, Nathan took his search for truth online. Now Nathan feels that many of the basic beliefs he held true for so many years are based on inconsistencies and lies.

“If Nathan would only read the scriptures and pray, the Holy Ghost would answer him,” Brittney says. She claims that while he is a good husband and father, he would be a more attractive man if he continued to share her beliefs in Mormonism.

Strangely enough, his disbelief in the church has not prevented him from continuing to be a model member. His home teaching remains at a solid 90 percent, and he has held several callings, including Sunday school teacher. “You can always count on Brother McAllister to be there if we need volunteers,” stated his bishop, Lloyd Rivera. “He participates in priesthood class and is a fully active member of our ward.”

Nathan says, “I wish my own member were as active. Once, after a fast and testimony meeting, we were in bed, and I started rubbing her shoulder. She said, “Is Joseph Smith a true prophet?” and I didn’t have the right answer. She rolled over and made light snoring sounds.”

Brittney confirms her loss of interest that night. “I have borne my testimony to him that the church is true and that he will get his crazy bumpin’ nasty freak on once he testifies of the same truth.” In fact, Brittney has allowed Nathan to briefly see some lingerie she recently purchased. She calls them her “faith-promoters” and says he will see them again when he throws away The Essence of Zen, a book of Buddhist teachings.

Dr. Bruce P. Alexander, a marriage and sex therapist, maintains that testimony and sex are closely related in Mormon marriages. He recommends that men, especially, make sure they have a strong testimony if they want to please their wives. “A study completed last year shows that women who are married to men with strong testimonies report 67 percent more pleasure in bed. The link between spirituality and staying power is surprisingly strong.”
Nathan says he doesn’t doubt those numbers. He reports that, at times, their intimacy will improve after Nathan attends a priesthood service activity or reads scriptures with his three kids. However, “until Nathan feels he is sufficiently confident to baptize his daughter, their level of sexual activity will continue to drop,” claims LDS family therapist R. Gene Duncan. “The trust level is no longer there with Nathan and Brittney.”

Nathan has three years until his daughter turns eight. Until then, he says he will continue to serve his wife’s church and try to find a resolution to his doubts.

(From The Sugar Beet)