Anger - What is it?

[_wenglund]

If people in a group such as the LDS or any other Church could refrain from being judgmental of each other due to different views or opinions, then any thoughts of feeling marginalized would ebb, and they would realize they merely had different opinions and that its nothing to get up about.

I think this is the core of the whole issue, but as Wade also correctly observed this applies to all religions, not just Mormonism. A person's judgemental reactions can canker a religion in the eyes of the one vilified. It's a sweeping attitude to take, perhaps, but you have to wonder about a religion that breeds such judgementalism. People are by nature judgemental, but one would think that those who follow a man who taught "judge not, lest ye be judged with that same judgement you meted out", there would be some "stretching" to adhere. I know some non-judgemental Mormons and Christians, but I'm afraid by and large it's a case of asking the question "if you were charged with being a Christian at the time when Christians were fed to the lions, would there be enough evidence to convict you?" The "cheek turning" and going the second mile seems to be a teaching completely ignored. A Catholic relative of mine is a good example of the Pharisee who relies on dead works while snubbing his/her fellowmen, and she's not alone. With all this hypocrisy I wonder if religion really makes any difference. Does it stop believers from living high on the hill and high on the hog, as Nibley once said? This is what turns people off religion more than anything. Not even false doctrines can make people so angry. So in the final analysis I ask: What have your religious beliefs done to really change you? Perhaps goodness and evil are just intrinsic. Regardless of your religious affiliation you will be who you are. And I do recall the statement of Joseph Smith here, that if he was righteous enough to go to heaven he would rather be accompanied by a person who swears a stream a mile long but could do a good turn, than by a long, smooth-faced hypocrite.

Last night I drove through the grounds and buildings of the largest Buddhist temple in the southern hemisphere, yes ironically it's right here in Oz, and I felt an awe for the place like I've felt with no Mormon temple, the peace and serenity of the place, but I wondered, first and foremost, do you live what you preach? If you're a ratbag I will accept you as you are, but don't clothe your ratbagism with religious garb, because it cankers your soul.

Don't think this is the domain of religion alone either. I've seen some pretty judgemental atheists, and when I belonged to the Rationalist Society in Australia they had dogmas that would match any religion, and if you didn't chant the mantra and worship the Holy Trinity of Freud, Marx and Darwin you were nothing but an ignoramus. I lasted 13 years as a Mormon, but only two years before I resigned from the RA. You look at them, shake your head, and wonder which dogma is worse.

I have found it useful to not inadvertantly become judgemental in the process of talking about people who may be judgemental. One of the ways that I have learned to avoid doing so is by not focusing on other people's judgementalism, but first in striving not to be judgemental myself, but look for more functional and workable social strategies and virtues for myself, and then advocating those workable strategies in generic terms with others. That way, I don't inadvertantly undermine what I am saying by doing just the opposite in the process of saying.

I am not always succesful in doing so (old habits die hard, and there is the human factor as well), but to the extent that I have been able to do so, things have gone better for me.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_Ray A]

I have found it useful to not inadvertantly become judgemental in the process of talking about people who may be judgemental. One of the ways that I have learned to avoid doing so is by not focusing on other people's judgementalism, but first in striving not to be judgemental myself, but look for more functional and workable social strategies and virtues for myself, and then advocating those workable strategies in generic terms with others. That way, I don't inadvertantly undermine what I am saying by doing just the opposite in the process of saying.

I am not always succesful in doing so (old habits die hard, and there is the human factor as well), but to the extent that I have been able to do so, things have gone better for me.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

No one can avoid making judgements. Everyone does it everyday. It is the attitude behind those judgements which count. You can be cynically judgemental, and sarcastic, and prejudiced, which is counterproductive, or you can make realistic judgements, which we all have to do. Some might not agree with Wade's methods, but they don't have to call him a fool, or make premature judgements about what might potentially be workable in the line of recovery. It is premature and unwise judgement which leads to sarcasm, cynicism, or rejection of others I am talking about, particularly friends or relatives, especially in the case of Sono Hito. I judge the treatment of SH by his family as absolutely appalling. In this regard, read what is recorded of Jesus saying to the hypocritical Pharisees in Matthew 23. These are judgements we all have to make.

[_wenglund]

I have found it useful to not inadvertantly become judgemental in the process of talking about people who may be judgemental. One of the ways that I have learned to avoid doing so is by not focusing on other people's judgementalism, but first in striving not to be judgemental myself, but look for more functional and workable social strategies and virtues for myself, and then advocating those workable strategies in generic terms with others. That way, I don't inadvertantly undermine what I am saying by doing just the opposite in the process of saying.

I am not always succesful in doing so (old habits die hard, and there is the human factor as well), but to the extent that I have been able to do so, things have gone better for me.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

No one can avoid making judgements. Everyone does it everyday. It is the attitude behind those judgements which count. You can be cynically judgemental, and sarcastic, and prejudiced, which is counterproductive, or you can make realistic judgements, which we all have to do. Some might not agree with Wade's methods, but they don't have to call him a fool, or make premature judgements about what might potentially be workable in the line of recovery. It is premature and unwise judgement which leads to sarcasm, cynicism, or rejection of others I am talking about, particularly friends or relatives, especially in the case of Sono Hito. I judge the treatment of SH by his family as absolutely appalling. In this regard, read what is recorded of Jesus saying to the hypocritical Pharisees in Matthew 23. These are judgements we all have to make.

What I have found is that those making judgements of any sort, will tend to view their judgements as the kind that "we all have to make". I suspect that SH's parents feel that way about the judgements they made regarding SH, just as you feel the same about the judgement you made about SH's parents. In other words, each party will likely view their judgements as valid and justified.

So, I don't think that attempts at questioning people's judgements will yield much in the way of productive discourse or action.

That is why I suggested an alternative, and one which I believe not only works, but will ultimately accomplish the same objective as were one to question people's judgements. Instead of judgementally questioning or confronting people's judgementalism, I have found it more useful to proffer, model, and explicate the advantages of employing strategies that aren't alienating and marginalizing, but functional and efficacious.

This is not to suggest that one shouldn't make judgements, or even that one should never be judgemental. Rather, I am speaking about what works in affecting positive change internally and externally.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-