Did we throw away years of our lives?

[_Runtu]

Reading the post about anger, I read that some feel like they wasted years of their lives within Mormonism. I wondered if I could say that I had thrown away the first 40 years of my life because I was in that religious mindset. I've thought about it, and I would say that I lived the way I expected to live and was only constrained by the worldview I had.

So, yes, I think I limited my decisions and experiences to those that made sense in a Mormon context, but I didn't waste the years. Even the meetings weren't a complete bust, with the exception of those priesthood leadership training meetings ;-)

I learned good solid values, kindness, charity, service, love, compassion, honesty, and a host of other good things. I learned to work hard, to sacrifice for the greater good. I learned to be at ease in public speaking. I learned to set goals, lead projects, and delegate.

At the same time I picked up a lot of baggage I've struggled to rid myself of: a relentless sense of inadequacy, judgmental attitudes, and more issues than I care to admit.

I was sitting in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and the speaker was talking about how the Book of Mormon translation process proved that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Several months ago, I would have rolled my eyes and muttered something unkind, but as I sat there, I thought that even though I completely disagreed, I was OK with the whole thing. I know the truth, and that's what matters.

So, maybe I'm getting past all of it. Maybe looking back and not finding only the bad is a sign that I've moved on. I think I've made some progress in the last few months. I stopped taking Wade's remarks personally, I didn't get offended by some nasty remarks by some people on FAIR, and I left FAIR altogether, realizing that if anything was stoking anger and hurt, it was participating there.

I'm not willing to write off 40 years of church experience as total misery. It wasn't. I have no doubt that the church is not true. I'm also convinced that, on balance, it does more harm than good to people. But so much of who I am is a product of all that teaching, pounding, and training. And not all of that was bad.

[_Yoda]

Good for you, Runtu! :)

I agree with a lot of your thinking...this quote, in particular:

I learned good solid values, kindness, charity, service, love, compassion, honesty, and a host of other good things. I learned to work hard, to sacrifice for the greater good. I learned to be at ease in public speaking. I learned to set goals, lead projects, and delegate.

I differ from you in that I do still have a testimony of the core gospel of Jesus Christ. I also believe that the Book of Mormon is an inspired work.

My difficulties with the Church have always come from some of the more obscure tenets, and the judgemental attitude that seems to exist among some of the members.

I completely related to your experience about Sacrament Meeting. It was like a lightbulb went off inside of me when I realized that the Lord knows my heart. No one else needs to. If I can still feel good about my personal prayers and live life the way I deem is best for me and for my family, then it doesn't matter whether or not I agree with everything a speaker in Sacrament Meeting or a debator on FAIR says.

[_Mercury]

Yes. I threw away two years of my life looking for suckers. MormonCorp is a business that seeks out the gullible in order to establish steady cash flow through falsehoods, lies and embelished tales. I could have done better selling Amway door to door and probably would be more respected by those who actually know what the Mormons are up to.

[_Runtu]

Yes. I threw away two years of my life looking for suckers. MormonCorp is a business that seeks out the gullible in order to establish steady cash flow through falsehoods, lies and embelished tales. I could have done better selling Amway door to door and probably would be more respected by those who actually know what the Mormons are up to.

I agree that you could have found a much better use for your time in those two years. But I was trying to communicate two things:

1. Whatever they took, they couldn't take what is uniquely you.
2. It wasn't all bad.

I think those two things seem pretty reasonable.

[_Bond...James Bond]

Reading the post about anger, I read that some feel like they wasted years of their lives within Mormonism. I wondered if I could say that I had thrown away the first 40 years of my life because I was in that religious mindset. I've thought about it, and I would say that I lived the way I expected to live and was only constrained by the worldview I had.

So, yes, I think I limited my decisions and experiences to those that made sense in a Mormon context, but I didn't waste the years. Even the meetings weren't a complete bust, with the exception of those priesthood leadership training meetings ;-)

I learned good solid values, kindness, charity, service, love, compassion, honesty, and a host of other good things. I learned to work hard, to sacrifice for the greater good. I learned to be at ease in public speaking. I learned to set goals, lead projects, and delegate.

At the same time I picked up a lot of baggage I've struggled to rid myself of: a relentless sense of inadequacy, judgmental attitudes, and more issues than I care to admit.

I was sitting in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and the speaker was talking about how the Book of Mormon translation process proved that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Several months ago, I would have rolled my eyes and muttered something unkind, but as I sat there, I thought that even though I completely disagreed, I was OK with the whole thing. I know the truth, and that's what matters.

So, maybe I'm getting past all of it. Maybe looking back and not finding only the bad is a sign that I've moved on. I think I've made some progress in the last few months. I stopped taking Wade's remarks personally, I didn't get offended by some nasty remarks by some people on FAIR, and I left FAIR altogether, realizing that if anything was stoking anger and hurt, it was participating there.

I'm not willing to write off 40 years of church experience as total misery. It wasn't. I have no doubt that the church is not true. I'm also convinced that, on balance, it does more harm than good to people. But so much of who I am is a product of all that teaching, pounding, and training. And not all of that was bad.

You may have thrown away some time spiritually, but during that time you got married and had kids, had a career, etc. Religion is just a part of us. It's not lost time, it's life. Sadly we don't get a do over.

[_wenglund]

Reading the post about anger, I read that some feel like they wasted years of their lives within Mormonism. I wondered if I could say that I had thrown away the first 40 years of my life because I was in that religious mindset. I've thought about it, and I would say that I lived the way I expected to live and was only constrained by the worldview I had.

So, yes, I think I limited my decisions and experiences to those that made sense in a Mormon context, but I didn't waste the years. Even the meetings weren't a complete bust, with the exception of those priesthood leadership training meetings ;-)

I learned good solid values, kindness, charity, service, love, compassion, honesty, and a host of other good things. I learned to work hard, to sacrifice for the greater good. I learned to be at ease in public speaking. I learned to set goals, lead projects, and delegate.

At the same time I picked up a lot of baggage I've struggled to rid myself of: a relentless sense of inadequacy, judgmental attitudes, and more issues than I care to admit.

I was sitting in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and the speaker was talking about how the Book of Mormon translation process proved that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Several months ago, I would have rolled my eyes and muttered something unkind, but as I sat there, I thought that even though I completely disagreed, I was OK with the whole thing. I know the truth, and that's what matters.

So, maybe I'm getting past all of it. Maybe looking back and not finding only the bad is a sign that I've moved on. I think I've made some progress in the last few months. I stopped taking Wade's remarks personally, I didn't get offended by some nasty remarks by some people on FAIR, and I left FAIR altogether, realizing that if anything was stoking anger and hurt, it was participating there.

I'm not willing to write off 40 years of church experience as total misery. It wasn't. I have no doubt that the church is not true. I'm also convinced that, on balance, it does more harm than good to people. But so much of who I am is a product of all that teaching, pounding, and training. And not all of that was bad.

For what it is worth, I think this is a step in the right direction, and I celebrate your having taken it. I trust that it has had a positive effect (even if very slight) on your mood and personal disposition. And, I hope for the day when you are able to look back with genuine gratitude and respect, for then you will be well on your way to no longer living in the past, but working out a healthy and wonderful life for the future.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_Runtu]

For what it is worth, I think this is a step in the right direction, and I celebrate your having taken it. I trust that it has had a positive effect (even if very slight) on your mood and personal disposition. And, I hope for the day when you are able to look back with genuine gratitude and respect, for then you will be well on your way to no longer living in the past, but working out a healthy and wonderful life for the future.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Thank you for that, Wade. I am grateful for the good, and I respect LDS belief, much as I disagree with them. I think I'm healthier today having been through what I went through. Life is a journey, and it's not the destination that is important but enjoying the trip.

[_Mercury]

Yes. I threw away two years of my life looking for suckers. MormonCorp is a business that seeks out the gullible in order to establish steady cash flow through falsehoods, lies and embelished tales. I could have done better selling Amway door to door and probably would be more respected by those who actually know what the Mormons are up to.

I agree that you could have found a much better use for your time in those two years. But I was trying to communicate two things:

1. Whatever they took, they couldn't take what is uniquely you.
2. It wasn't all bad.

I think those two things seem pretty reasonable.

But they did take away what is uniquely ME. I was repeatedly told to conform and drop what was ME. Example: I am an avid reader. I was told not to read anything outside of the standard works or faith promoting pap.

And it was all bad. The malaise of going door to door defending the indefensible.

[_Runtu]

[

But they did take away what is uniquely ME. I was repeatedly told to conform and drop what was ME. Example: I am an avid reader. I was told not to read anything outside of the standard works or faith promoting pap.

And it was all bad. The malaise of going door to door defending the indefensible.

I think they probably tried to take what was uniquely you, but they didn't succeed, did they? Otherwise, you'd be over on MAD bearing your testimony about now. ;-)

And, yes, my mission sucked in a lot of ways (living conditions, salmonella, parasites, on top of the malaise you describe), but it wasn't all bad.

[_wenglund]

But they did take away what is uniquely ME.

As I see it, the real waste would be in defining yourself in the here-and-now and on into your future, by how you distortedly perceive yourself in the past. In other words, YOU are taking away your chances to be uniquely YOU now and in the futures, by surrendering and binding yourself to the false notion of victimhood of your past.

You are now, and always have been, a free agent. And, while you can't change the past, you can decide who and what you will be now and in the future. The choice is yours. You can go on ununiquely as the disgruntled ex-member jerk bent on repellant denegrations, negativity, and profanations, or you can become someone who is well respected, desired, and whose efforts uplift and enrich people's lives.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-