Did we throw away years of our lives?

[_Gazelam]

If in that time you learned what the Holy Ghost feels like and now know how to recognize his promptings, then no, you did not waste that time.

That is unless you choose now at this time to callous your heart and ignore those same promptings.


Gaz

[_Mephitus]

As an outsider I've observed many a doubting or exiting LDS on boards like this ponder whether or not they wasted years of their lives (and money) as a member of the LDS Church.

How can learning, developing and growing into your authentic self (whatever that may mean to a person) ever be considered a waste of time?

Jersey Girl

I feel that i wasted that time. I Spent many years attempting to be or become something that was not me. I wasted alot of time being uncomfortable and lying about who i was. Rather than spending that time figuring out who i really was. Its taken me a while of being out to really find who my authentic self was. And not the lie.

[_Yoda]

If in that time you learned what the Holy Ghost feels like and now know how to recognize his promptings, then no, you did not waste that time.

That is unless you choose now at this time to callous your heart and ignore those same promptings.


Gaz

Gaz....Runtu is hardly someone who could be labeled as having a "callous heart". He strikes me as a very sensitive man with a good soul.

[_Runtu]

Gaz....Runtu is hardly someone who could be labeled as having a "callous heart". He strikes me as a very sensitive man with a good soul.

Thank you, Liz. That means a lot. I have been very impressed with you, as well.

I think it's interesting that several people believe that I do think I lost years of my life, when my post actually said the opposite, thus incurring the wrath of VegasRefugee, but I forgive him. ;-)

I wasn't sure how to respond to Gaz's post, and I'm still not sure what to say. I suppose the best thing I can say is that one usually experiences the spirit through one's thoughts and feelings and conscience. All three of those have led me to reject my faith in the LDS church. Oddly enough, the same desire for truth and knowledge that led me to explore my faith as deeply as I have has led me beyond that faith into something new. It's too early to tell where my search will lead me, but it's not about becoming callous or ignoring the spirit. It's about going where the truth takes you.

[_Yoda]

It's too early to tell where my search will lead me, but it's not about becoming callous or ignoring the spirit. It's about going where the truth takes you.

Exactly! This is the point that I think many TBM's miss. You don't HAVE to be a Mormon to feel the spirit. The light of Christ dwells within all of us.

[_wenglund]

I feel that i wasted that time. I Spent many years attempting to be or become something that was not me. I wasted alot of time being uncomfortable and lying about who i was. Rather than spending that time figuring out who i really was. Its taken me a while of being out to really find who my authentic self was. And not the lie.

Not that it matters much, but I am a little confused. How could you lie about who you were if you hadn't yet figured out who you really were (since you hadn't taken the time to figure that out)?

Anyway, it is typical for people your age to still be figuring out who they are. Even people my age are still trying to figure that out--or at the very least, they are in the process of re-defining who they are.

You will, though, come to realize that you are, and have always been, the sum of your own choices.

And, who it is that you will be in the future is your choice as well.

As explained to VegasR, you can choose to look distortedly backwards, and define yourself and your future by that distorted view of the past. Or, you can look realistically to what you wish to be in the future, and work towards becoming that kind of person. In other words, you can decide now whether you will continue to define yourself as a pawn and a victim who is persistently stuck in the past, or you can choice to become your very best self (whatever you determine that to be)--hopefully, you will choose to be the kind of person that improves the human condition for yourself and others, and who enables mutual love, value, and respect.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_Trinity]

Yes. I threw away two years of my life looking for suckers. MormonCorp is a business that seeks out the gullible in order to establish steady cash flow through falsehoods, lies and embelished tales. I could have done better selling Amway door to door and probably would be more respected by those who actually know what the Mormons are up to.

I agree that you could have found a much better use for your time in those two years. But I was trying to communicate two things:

1. Whatever they took, they couldn't take what is uniquely you.

I was born and raised in the church. Like it or not, the self-esteem is very closely entertwined with the Mormon doctrine that one is an embryonic God, and will spend their entire life as a God-in-training. When my belief unraveled, it caused havoc with my esteem and I was forced to reconstruct my purpose as a human being. I questioned myself. I questioned my place and importance in my family. I questioned my goodness, I questioned my entire existence. So I disagree that my years in the church did take a part of what was uniquely me because I was unable to tell what of me was actually unique. It has taken literally years for me to decipher and rebuild.

[_Runtu]

Not that it matters much, but I am a little confused. How could you lie about who you were if you hadn't yet figured out who you really were (since you hadn't taken the time to figure that out)?

Anyway, it is typical for people your age to still be figuring out who they are. Even people my age are still trying to figure that out--or at the very least, they are in the process of re-defining who they are.

You will, though, come to realize that you are, and have always been, the sum of your own choices.

And, who it is that you will be in the future is your choice as well.

As explained to VegasR, you can choose to look distortedly backwards, and define yourself and your future by that distorted view of the past. Or, you can look realistically to what you wish to be in the future, and work towards becoming that kind of person. In other words, you can decide now whether you will continue to define yourself as a pawn and a victim who is persistently stuck in the past, or you can choice to become your very best self (whatever you determine that to be)--hopefully, you will choose to be the kind of person that improves the human condition for yourself and others, and who enables mutual love, value, and respect.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

I'm halfway with you here, Wade. It does no one any good to remain mired in the past. As Pumbaa said, "Put your behind in the past" (I have lots of kids, you know). But I don't believe you can realistically define what you want to be in the future unless you have dealt with the past.

We don't learn from history if we ignore it or force ourselves to put a positive spin on it. But we also don't learn from it if we keep stewing over it.

[_Yoda]

I was born and raised in the church. Like it or not, the self-esteem is very closely entertwined with the Mormon doctrine that one is an embryonic God, and will spend their entire life as a God-in-training. When my belief unraveled, it caused havoc with my esteem and I was forced to reconstruct my purpose as a human being. I questioned myself. I questioned my place and importance in my family. I questioned my goodness, I questioned my entire existence. So I disagree that my years in the church did take a part of what was uniquely me because I was unable to tell what of me was actually unique. It has taken literally years for me to decipher and rebuild.

I guess the question then becomes....Has the deciphering and rebuilding, however painful, made you a stronger person overall?

[_Runtu]

I was born and raised in the church. Like it or not, the self-esteem is very closely entertwined with the Mormon doctrine that one is an embryonic God, and will spend their entire life as a God-in-training. When my belief unraveled, it caused havoc with my esteem and I was forced to reconstruct my purpose as a human being. I questioned myself. I questioned my place and importance in my family. I questioned my goodness, I questioned my entire existence. So I disagree that my years in the church did take a part of what was uniquely me because I was unable to tell what of me was actually unique. It has taken literally years for me to decipher and rebuild.

I understand exactly what you mean. So much of my life was tied to my worldview, which was wholly Mormon. Like you, it took me a long time to sort out what was me and what was a product of the church. It wasn't easy. But what I found is that there are major parts of me that are unique that transcend my membership or belief in a religious system. I found that many of the things I had been taught to dislike about myself were actually assets.

So, what I am saying is that, even though it took time to untangle my own psyche from the church, I just misplaced myself. I didn't lose me.