Did we throw away years of our lives?

[_moksha]

Runtu, if we are indeed part of all that we have met, then any and all experiences you have had made you the person you are today. Why begrudge that? I left the Church and returned years later, but with what I consider to be a much healthier ability to understand, interpret and appreciate the Church.

[_Runtu]

Runtu, if we are indeed part of all that we have met, then any and all experiences you have had made you the person you are today. Why begrudge that?

Well, yeah, that was my point.

I left the Church and returned years later, but with what I consider to be a much healthier ability to understand, interpret and appreciate the Church.

I doubt I'll ever return (though I'm not sure I've left, either), but I was trying to say that I think I'm getting towards that healthier understanding.

[_Yoda]

But they did take away what is uniquely ME.

As I see it, the real waste would be in defining yourself in the here-and-now and on into your future, by how you distortedly perceive yourself in the past. In other words, YOU are taking away your chances to be uniquely YOU now and in the futures, by surrendering and binding yourself to the false notion of victimhood of your past.

You are now, and always have been, a free agent. And, while you can't change the past, you can decide who and what you will be now and in the future. The choice is yours. You can go on ununiquely as the disgruntled ex-member jerk bent on repellant denegrations, negativity, and profanations, or you can become someone who is well respected, desired, and whose efforts uplift and enrich people's lives.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

OMG! Hell just froze over! Wade and I actually agree COMPLETELY on a point! LOL

;) Sorry, Wade...couldn't resist.

Wade's right about this. You can't change the past. You can only move forward. Runtu is right as well. You are obviously still YOU. Celebrate that!

I'm an avid reader as well. If anyone ever tried to tell me what I could read or not read, I would tell them where to get off. LOL

I do understand how constant discouragement can beat you down, though. I faced that while attending BYU, and was bitter about it for a long time. I had professors telling me that I didn't have a good enough voice to be in the music department. For years, I didn't think I had anything to offer. When I went to school in California, I began studying voice with a retired professional opera singer who performed all over the world. She seemed to think I had something to offer. Slowly, my confidence came back.

I later earned my BA in Music, my MS in Computer Science, and am opening up a music studio in a few months.

[_Mercury]

[

But they did take away what is uniquely ME. I was repeatedly told to conform and drop what was ME. Example: I am an avid reader. I was told not to read anything outside of the standard works or faith promoting pap.

And it was all bad. The malaise of going door to door defending the indefensible.

I think they probably tried to take what was uniquely you, but they didn't succeed, did they? Otherwise, you'd be over on MAD bearing your testimony about now. ;-)

And, yes, my mission sucked in a lot of ways (living conditions, salmonella, parasites, on top of the malaise you describe), but it wasn't all bad.

Oh well, i guess if I try to rape someone then its all good. its in the completing of the act that counts, not the intent.

forget that. Its all bad.

[_Jason Bourne]

But they did take away what is uniquely ME. I was repeatedly told to conform and drop what was ME. Example: I am an avid reader. I was told not to read anything outside of the standard works or faith promoting pap.

I have trouble believing this. I am an avid reader as well and have read pretty much whatever I wanted form youth on up. I have never heard that I should only read scripture and faith promoting material. Never.

[_Mercury]

But they did take away what is uniquely ME.

As I see it, the real waste would be in defining yourself in the here-and-now and on into your future, by how you distortedly perceive yourself in the past. In other words, YOU are taking away your chances to be uniquely YOU now and in the futures, by surrendering and binding yourself to the false notion of victimhood of your past.

You are now, and always have been, a free agent. And, while you can't change the past, you can decide who and what you will be now and in the future. The choice is yours. You can go on ununiquely as the disgruntled ex-member jerk bent on repellant denegrations, negativity, and profanations, or you can become someone who is well respected, desired, and whose efforts uplift and enrich people's lives.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

listen Tool, your inability to coherently and objectively review comments is at an all time high.

You begin with the asumption that I am teh one that needs to modify my opinion. therefore any observation I make and relate to this forum is invalid. Why? because I reject the notion I was somehow misrepresenting my own experiences. In your eyes I am misrepresenting my experience on teh sole basis that I disagree with your way of "thinking".

[_Runtu]

Oh well, i guess if I try to rape someone then its all good. its in the completing of the act that counts, not the intent.

forget that. Its all bad.

I agree that the intent was there, but I would guess you never surrendered, did you?

[_wenglund]

But they did take away what is uniquely ME.

As I see it, the real waste would be in defining yourself in the here-and-now and on into your future, by how you distortedly perceive yourself in the past. In other words, YOU are taking away your chances to be uniquely YOU now and in the futures, by surrendering and binding yourself to the false notion of victimhood of your past.

You are now, and always have been, a free agent. And, while you can't change the past, you can decide who and what you will be now and in the future. The choice is yours. You can go on ununiquely as the disgruntled ex-member jerk bent on repellant denegrations, negativity, and profanations, or you can become someone who is well respected, desired, and whose efforts uplift and enrich people's lives.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

listen Tool, your inability to coherently and objectively review comments is at an all time high.

You begin with the asumption that I am teh one that needs to modify my opinion. therefore any observation I make and relate to this forum is invalid. Why? because I reject the notion I was somehow misrepresenting my own experiences. In your eyes I am misrepresenting my experience on teh sole basis that I disagree with your way of "thinking".

I see that you have chosen to embrace your dysfunctional self-perception and toxic relationship style. That is unfortunate. Clearly, you must be getting some major pay-off from your victimhood, anger, and spite, sufficient to keep you from striving to be your best self or from contributing to the improvement of the human condition. What is most sad is that it is painfully obvious that you, like many of us, need to feel loved, valued, and respected, perhaps in your case desparately so, but your attitude and behavior makes satisfying that critical need all the more remote, if not impossible. Hopefully, you won't let things devolve too far before finally making the wise and responsible choice.

Please, reconsider your decision...for your families sake, if not for your own.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_Mercury]

But they did take away what is uniquely ME.

As I see it, the real waste would be in defining yourself in the here-and-now and on into your future, by how you distortedly perceive yourself in the past. In other words, YOU are taking away your chances to be uniquely YOU now and in the futures, by surrendering and binding yourself to the false notion of victimhood of your past.

You are now, and always have been, a free agent. And, while you can't change the past, you can decide who and what you will be now and in the future. The choice is yours. You can go on ununiquely as the disgruntled ex-member jerk bent on repellant denegrations, negativity, and profanations, or you can become someone who is well respected, desired, and whose efforts uplift and enrich people's lives.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

listen Tool, your inability to coherently and objectively review comments is at an all time high.

You begin with the asumption that I am teh one that needs to modify my opinion. therefore any observation I make and relate to this forum is invalid. Why? because I reject the notion I was somehow misrepresenting my own experiences. In your eyes I am misrepresenting my experience on teh sole basis that I disagree with your way of "thinking".

I see that you have chosen to embrace your dysfunctional self-perception and toxic relationship style. That is unfortunate. Clearly, you must be getting some major pay-off from your victimhood, anger, and spite, sufficient to keep you from striving to be your best self or from contributing to the improvement of the human condition. What is most sad is that it is painfully obvious that you, like many of us, need to feel loved, valued, and respected, perhaps in your case desparately so, but your attitude and behavior makes satisfying that critical need all the more remote, if not impossible. Hopefully, you won't let things devolve too far before finally making the wise and responsible choice.

Please, reconsider your decision...for your families sake, if not for your own.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Wade, your trying to practice Mctherapy again.

[_Jersey Girl]

Reading the post about anger, I read that some feel like they wasted years of their lives within Mormonism. I wondered if I could say that I had thrown away the first 40 years of my life because I was in that religious mindset. I've thought about it, and I would say that I lived the way I expected to live and was only constrained by the worldview I had.

So, yes, I think I limited my decisions and experiences to those that made sense in a Mormon context, but I didn't waste the years. Even the meetings weren't a complete bust, with the exception of those priesthood leadership training meetings ;-)

I learned good solid values, kindness, charity, service, love, compassion, honesty, and a host of other good things. I learned to work hard, to sacrifice for the greater good. I learned to be at ease in public speaking. I learned to set goals, lead projects, and delegate.

At the same time I picked up a lot of baggage I've struggled to rid myself of: a relentless sense of inadequacy, judgmental attitudes, and more issues than I care to admit.

I was sitting in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and the speaker was talking about how the Book of Mormon translation process proved that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Several months ago, I would have rolled my eyes and muttered something unkind, but as I sat there, I thought that even though I completely disagreed, I was OK with the whole thing. I know the truth, and that's what matters.

So, maybe I'm getting past all of it. Maybe looking back and not finding only the bad is a sign that I've moved on. I think I've made some progress in the last few months. I stopped taking Wade's remarks personally, I didn't get offended by some nasty remarks by some people on FAIR, and I left FAIR altogether, realizing that if anything was stoking anger and hurt, it was participating there.

I'm not willing to write off 40 years of church experience as total misery. It wasn't. I have no doubt that the church is not true. I'm also convinced that, on balance, it does more harm than good to people. But so much of who I am is a product of all that teaching, pounding, and training. And not all of that was bad.

Runtu,

As an outsider I've observed many a doubting or exiting LDS on boards like this ponder whether or not they wasted years of their lives (and money) as a member of the LDS Church.

How can learning, developing and growing into your authentic self (whatever that may mean to a person) ever be considered a waste of time?

Jersey Girl