New Blockbuster Movies Coming Out!!!

[_Coggins7]

Coming this summer from 20th Century Pox Pictures.

A whole series of films exploring the sordid, steamy underbelly of anti-Mormonism and apostasy from the Church.

Leading the pack is the new action film I Was A Call Girl for The SCMC, starring Polgamy Porter as a burned out, ex SCMC officer who is offered a chance to rehabilitate himself by posing as a female stripper in a seedy Ogden night club to catch a local Stake President suspected of poisoning the Salt Lake City water supply with transfatty acids. Action, suspesne, and a magnificent female impersonation by PP as Chesty Christianson.

Then we have Jason Goes On A Mission, in which Jason Vorhees joins the Church, but is then led out of it by Kimberly, PP, and Tal Bachman. Once he discovers how corrupt and dishonest the Church really is, he goes on a rampage of destruction and death, targeting missionaries at the MTC with every powertool he can get his hands on.

Following this, we have Gidget Goes to Seminary, a light hearted romp for the whole family in which Gidget joins the Church, and then has many fun adventures with her friends at early morning Seminary. There is a plot twist in which Mercury and Polygamy Porter spike her root beer at a church social with LSD and Gidget becomes a sultry, lust crazed vixen who seduces her Bishop and then, discovering that PP and Mercury are running an underground Internet porn ring, sells her body to the duo to keep her Gay stepson, who acquired AIDS during an Alien Abduction, in rehab, while helping Martha Beck deal with her inner child.

Not for the squeamish.

Then there is the international thriller You Only Apostatize Twice, in which our hero, James Bondage, agent .007, must infiltrate Signature Books and foil a plot by Ernst Stavro Metcalf to turn all teenage Mormon woman into sultry, lust crazed vixens by sending subliminal hypnotic waves out over satellite television through the BYU TV carrier signal. Will James prevent Mormon teens from becoming multiple earring wearing, nose ringed, tattooed bimbos? You'll have to see it and find out.

Finally, Oliver Stone directs Polygamy Porter in The Fall of The House of Porter, in which PP becomes possessed by the spirit of a 19th century anti-Mormon demagogue and becomes a bitter, conflicted, pathological religious bigot. Eye popping special effects, and PP reprising again his in drag performance from I Was A Call Girl for The SCMC make this the must-see film of the year.

[_Jersey Girl]

[_Coggins7]

As that officer, gentleman, and all around nice guy Daffy Duck once said, "It is to laugh."

[_Mr. Coffee]

Bravo, Coggins. You have found the Funny. Forever will it lead your destiny....

[_Sethbag]

Then there is the international thriller You Only Apostatize Twice, in which our hero, James Bondage, agent .007, must infiltrate Signature Books and foil a plot by Ernst Stavro Metcalf to turn all teenage Mormon woman into sultry, lust crazed vixens by sending subliminal hypnotic waves out over satellite television through the BYU TV carrier signal. Will James prevent Mormon teens from becoming multiple earring wearing, nose ringed, tattooed bimbos? You'll have to see it and find out.

I, for one, will be cheering for Ernst Stavro Metcalf. :-)

[_Coggins7]

, for one, will be cheering for Ernst Stavro Metcalf. :-)

I suspected you would sethbag, but, as you are well aware, it really doesn't matter...

[_Mr. Coffee]

I suspected you would sethbag, but, as you are well aware, it really doesn't matter...

I'm still a listtle miffed that you didn't make a movie based on me...

I mean, hell... How many war flicks could you have borrowed from for that?

[_Coggins7]

With you there would only be one alternative, and that is a old style Hong Kong period horror fantasy with lots of wires and lots of lousy special effects.

I'll get back to this presently.

[_Polygamy Porter]

What was wrong with my "The last of the Hebrew Indians"?

Too close to the reality for you and the story that you believe?

[_Coggins7]

Ha! You can't even enjoy this, PP, without attacking the Church or its members. You're so wrapped up in your own besotted cocoon you can't even take a simple breath from your phantasmagorical hatreds for a few moments.