barrelomonkeys wrote:liz3564 wrote:
I think what is being debated here, Gaz, is not whether or not being a stay at home Mom is worthwhile thing. I don't think anyone here is arguing that it isn't. What is being debated is whether or not we should be judging each other for our choices. In the Church, you have stay at home Moms judging women who work. In the corporate world, you have women who work judging stay at home Moms. I've seen it happen both ways.
I just don't understand why there has to be so much judgmentalism, especially within the Church. That, to me, seems like it should be the one place where it doesn't exist. That's what I get so infuriated about.
Why can't both choices be respected?
Emphasis above is why I started this thread.
I have a degree in political science with an emphasis in pre-law. Ten years ago I was headed for law school. Children put the brakes on it. I'm now working in education. Why? So I can have the same hours and schedule as my children. I've just recently returned to the work force. I went from young college student to stay at home mother for almost 10 years. I feel I've made sacrifices. I sat at home and read and changed diapers and stimulated little minds for the last 10 years. I grieved for my own desires and dreams that will not be realized ever. For someone to judge me or what I've done is ridiculous. For someone to assume they know my life or what kind of mother I am by my work status is ridiculous.
I ENVY women that went ahead and pursued their dreams. There is a part of me that regrets not going forward and fulfilling what I yearned for all my life. I don't believe that makes them less of a mother.
I see it both ways. Working mothers make different and equal sacrifices, some of which can take a toll on your health. Having done both, I prefer to stay home at this stage in my life. I couldn't do it all. As a mother you are expected to fill all the roles of wife, mother, employee, while the father does not have any additional expectations placed on him besides bringing home the paycheck.
I believe for the majority of working Moms, they struggle to do it all. My life has been much easier and relaxing now that I stay home full time. My stress level has gone way down. That's not to say that there aren't days where I want to pull my hair out from the kids, but overall it's easier on me to focus on 2 jobs instead of 3 or 4. My kids want me home with them so it's been a huge benefit for them too. My children are all very young so this is based on my current situation and that will change as they are all in school.
On the other side of it though, I believe it's good for children, boys and girls, to see their Mom focus on something else besides them. It teaches them some independence and also that Moms have talents and skills too. What a great role model for daughters to see their Mom pursue an education (as long as there is balance) and to see her learn new skills. It's also important for young boys to see that women are intelliegent, and respected members of society that should have equal opportunities in their talents/skills in the workplace. When women were not allowed to have careers, they were not respected and were dependent upon man for financial survival. I am so grateful for the feminist movement because of that.
The challenge becomes how to balance it all and still keep your sanity. What I do now is involve my kids in the things I am passionate about. Whether I am working on charity causes, learning how to sew, play the piano, reading books etc. they can see that I have talents and value my own personal growth as well. If I have to be out of the home a little bit without them, they learn to appreciate me and I get to connect with my spirit.
Moms always have to ask permission to have that alone time but fathers just expect it. If my DH is out pursuing his hobbies, the last thing he is worried about is what to do with the kids. He can come and go as he pleases without that obligation that mothers always carry.