What's in the Secret Church Vault?

Post by **_Coggins7** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 2:48 am

I have access to even deeper, more jealously gaurded levels of said vault (the key was given to me accidentally by BKP as he tried to wrestle a second earring off a 15 year old girl at a stake dance he showed up at here some time ago. It dropped out of his pocket as he attempted a Full Suplex on her, and I forgot to give it back in all the excitement).

In the dark, eldritch catacombs deep below the foundations of Church Headquarters, I found:

The Ark of the Covenant

The Spear of Longinous

The Holy Grail

The Rod of Aaron

The Staff of Moses

The coat of many colors

Wood from Noah's Ark

A piece of flagstone from a temple wall from the city of Zarahemla on which is inscribed "Killroy was here".

Charlton Heston

A set of glossy, 8x10s of Mary Magdalene and here kids on holiday in the South of France.

A single gold plate set in a stone box on which is inscribed in reformed Egyption "Klaatu, Barrada, Nicto".

A plastic Elvis lamp dating from Olmec times.

A complete set of an ancient Mayan monthly periodical published by the Mayan Medical Association called "Heart to Heart"

The Hound of The Baskervilles

The Maltese Falcon

The Brass Monkey

The Black Russian

The Pink Squirrel

Jacob's Ladder

Ezekiel's Wheel

David's sling

Goliath's medical bill

All the bodies from Hanger 18

And a very ancient woodcut that seems to portray Al Gore shivering his butt off in a snowstorm while stripping tobacco.

The Church is true folks...

Post by **_silentkid** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 2:50 am

This still doesn't tell me where the Liahona is. I will not rest until Captain Jack Sparrow's compass is found. ;)

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:29 am

Why are the seer stones locked up?

Post by **_harmony** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:36 am

Jersey Girl wrote:Why are the seer stones locked up?

Good question. And I want to know why they aren't used today. What do our prophets lack that is needed in order to use them?

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:49 am

harmony wrote:
Jersey Girl wrote:Why are the seer stones locked up?

Good question. And I want to know why they aren't used today. What do our prophets lack that is needed in order to use them?

Well, that's kind of what I was getting at, harm. Shouldn't they be available? I'm pretty sure that someone would say that only Joseph Smith had the "gift" of using the seer stones but why assume that?

Post by **_harmony** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:51 am

Jersey Girl wrote:Well, that's kind of what I was getting at, harm. Shouldn't they be available? I'm pretty sure that someone would say that only Joseph Smith had the "gift" of using the seer stones but why assume that?

Because he's the only one with balls enough to pull it off?

Post by **_The Nehor** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 4:11 am

Jersey Girl wrote:Why are the seer stones locked up?

So the Prophet has them if he wants them. For all we know he might use them.

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 4:13 am

The Nehor wrote:
Jersey Girl wrote:Why are the seer stones locked up?

So the Prophet has them if he wants them. For all we know he might use them.

How does he have them when they're locked up in a mountain vault?

Post by **_Pokatator** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 5:14 am

Ray A wrote:[And thus, again, we see Scratch's real motive. Scratch is what we Aussies call a S*** stirrer.

Yes, he did stir you up, didn't he!

Post by **_Pokatator** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 5:23 am

How about a Jupiter Talisman?

or maybe,

a missing 116 page manuscript?

DiscussMormonism.com

What's in the Secret Church Vault?

Re: What's in the Secret Church Vault?